


Two Little Monkeys

by Omness, yamarik



Series: Yakuza 13 and Their Family [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Fluff, Humor, Occasional angst, Sora and Vanitas twins, childfic, family fic, troublemakers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-03-05 15:04:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 62,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13390380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omness/pseuds/Omness, https://archiveofourown.org/users/yamarik/pseuds/yamarik
Summary: Thirteen notorious gangsters. A pair of chaotic infant twins. Will there be any survivors?When Sora and Vanitas are given to him to look after, Xemnas turns to the squad leaders of his gang to help him raise them. But they soon find that parenting might be a more formidable task than they ever anticipated.





	1. The New Arrivals: Age - 1 month

The last thing Eraqus ever expected that morning was for his nephew Xemnas to show up on his doorstep asking for advice. Despite the generation gap, they were only two years apart in age, as Eraqus’s brother Xehanort was almost 20 years older than he.

It was the beginning of May and not quite two months since the death of Eraqus’s wife, Hope, and he was having a hard time coping. Luckily the twins, Terra and Aqua, had both proven quite mature for their five years of age, and were quickly learning how to help take care of their baby brother, Ventus, who had been born during Hope’s last hours. When the doorbell rang, Eraqus had originally feared it was his brother, and had peeked through the peephole with dread. He and his brother were estranged, and he was very suspicious of the way Xehanort had been so keen on helping out and lending a hand with the twins. If Eraqus could have his way, his brother would not set foot anywhere near his kids.

But instead it was Xemnas standing there. Not that that was so much better. Xemnas was a problem and a half of his own. He was the head of the infamous Yakuza 13 organization, renowned for its thirteen bosses who were known as the worst of the worst, the meanest of the mean, the lowest of the low, and such. Eraqus tried to limit his dealings with them, but unfortunately his law degree and blood relation to Xemnas had somehow made him into the personal lawyer of the thirteen. Still, with Xemnas on his doorstep it was best to let him in before he caused problems.

“If one of your miscreants is in jail again, I am not helping with the plea bargain,” he informed his nephew as he let him in.

“No, Xigbar has gotten more creative with his bribes, so there’s no need for you to worry.” This statement made Eraqus worry even more. “I actually came for some… advice.”

“A legal consultation kind of advice?”

“No. Nothing to do with legal matters.”

“Then what is it?”

“Well, you have kids.”

“Really? What gave it away?”

“This is no time for sarcasm, uncle.”

“Alright. Go on.”

“How does one go about raising such things as children?”

“Why the sudden interest?”

“Because my organization has found ourselves in the custody of a couple of them. Infants.”

“So you’re trying to ask about the legal proceedings necessary in order to put them up for adoption I hope.”

“Unfortunately, some of my subordinates have become rather… attached to the pink squalling things. Vexen already had to sew three of them up when an argument about who got to hold them first got out of hand.”

Eraqus kneaded his forehead.

“Dare I ask: were they kidnapped?”

“You know we don’t believe in keeping hostages alive.” This wasn’t necessarily true, but Xemnas was in the habit of enhancing his reputation whenever and wherever he could.

“I didn’t know that, and I’d rather I still didn’t know that. Are you certain you really want to keep them? I do believe it would be best for their future if you let someone else take them.”

“Like who? You? You’ve already got three kids to raise on your own. I suppose I could give them to dad…” Not that Xehanort would take them, since was the one who had dumped them on Xemnas in the first place.

“Don’t you dare!”

“Alright then. Who do you suggest?”

“I, um…”

“If you think of someone, feel free to stop by and tell the ‘miscreants’ that they can’t keep them. Make sure to finalize your will before you come. I do pity Terra and Aqua and little Ventus though, losing both parents in such a short span of time…”

“You’ve made your point, Xemnas.”

“Good. Now as to advice?”

“It’d be better if I just showed you. And your associates. You’ll need to know how to feed them and change diapers to start with.”

As Eraqus got up to gather up what he’d need for his demonstrations and help his children get their shoes on and gather toys to keep them occupied, Xemnas smiled in satisfaction. It was so convenient having an uncle with such a strong sense of duty. If you worded things right and pointed out the consequences of his non-participation, he couldn’t say no to a request. Now Xemnas no longer needed to waste time worrying about child care. He had no problem with the babies staying, but he refused to be responsible for them. He already spent enough time as a babysitter, since that was essentially what he was doing in running Yakuza 13. He didn’t need to add two actual babies to his flock.

* * *

“Oh, he’s so CUTE!” Vexen cooed as he looked into the carrier where one of the new babies lay. Beside him, Zexion nodded. However his agreement was better conveyed by the fact that he wasn’t picking a fight with Vexen, and had actually put down his book to look at the child. The last time he had put down a book in the middle of reading for something had been four years ago, and that was the day he wiped out his predecessor and joined the thirteen.

“Lexaeus, let me have a turn holding that one!” Axel said. He had just beaten Marluxia in their fist fight to see who got to hold the other baby after Lexaeus. Lexaeus glowered at him. So what if he’d already been holding the baby for the 45 minutes it had taken Axel and Marluxia to resolve things? He’d had to wait a whole hour before Demyx had been willing to release the baby.

“Hey, has anyone seen Saix?” Xigbar asked, walking in. “I wanted to discuss an idea I had and I can’t find him anywhere. By the way, dibs on the one Vexen’s playing with when he’s done.”

“Can’t, I’ve already got dibs,” Luxord told him.

“Where the hell is Xaldin! He stiffed me on funds again! He’s the worst treasurer ever!” Larxene shouted, storming into the room. Everyone rushed to shush her, but already the babies were beginning to stir.

“Oh god. You guys were serious about keeping them. Ew,” Larxene said, wrinkling her nose.

“Xaldin took Roxas to go get supplies,” Luxord told her. “And he doesn’t stiff you, you just spend way too much on unnecessary things.”

“And no one’s seen Saix since the meeting this morning,” Marluxia told Xigbar. He had a split lip and was scowling over his loss to Axel and the delay in holding the baby it had cost him.

“What kind of supplies?” Larxene asked through gritted teeth.

“I don’t know. Diapers and baby food and stuff like that maybe.”

“They should have waited until Xemnas got back from his uncle’s. None of us have any idea how to raise a baby,” Larxene snapped.

“What do you mean? Don’t you know about that kind of stuff?” Vexen asked.

“Um, no? Why would I waste time learning about babies?”

“But you’re a woman.”

“Vexen, I’ll give you three seconds to drop dead before I help you to do so.”

Zexion carefully slid the baby carrier away from Vexen and with the help of Luxord, picked it up and edged towards the door. Lexaeus made sure the baby he was carrying was shielded from the fighting adults by his bulk as he too made to make a strategic exit. Xigbar, Marluxia, and Axel moved to the walls to be out of the way, but the prospect of seeing Vexen get pummelled just barely outweighed the excitement of the new arrivals. And also someone might need to step in and make sure Larxene didn’t really kill Vexen. He pissed them all off, but in the end he was their doctor, and he didn’t charge them medical bills. Which was a huge plus factor in his favor since they were prone to violence amongst themselves that often ended in the need for stitches.

Just then, Xemnas swept in, followed by his uncle. Eraqus carried a large duffel bag and Ventus. Behind them came Terra and Aqua, holding hands and looking at everything with fascination since they weren’t usually allowed to come with their dad to see the Yakuza 13, let alone enter the gang's headquarters. They in turn were followed by Roxas, Xaldin, and Roxas’s girlfriend Xion, who were all loaded down with enormous shopping bags. Bringing up the rear was Saix, who had on reading glasses and a bulging backpack, and carried a few books under one arm.

“Saix, there you are!” Xigbar exclaimed. Larxene looked from the new arrivals to Vexen in confusion. Vexen deserved punishment, but so did Xaldin, so who should she annihilate first, except the boss was also there, and one did not brawl in front of the boss. Scheduled duels were acceptable, but spontaneous bouts would end in sudden death- the sudden deaths of all participants that is. And then there was Eraqus. A goodie-two-shoes through and through, but they had to respect him because he was their lawyer and also they’d all heard of the time when some members of a rival gang had tried to kidnap him and he’d single handedly beaten them into the ground. He would not be happy if she killed someone in front of his kids. Fuming, she stepped back and let things go. For now. She could always get her revenge later.

Eraqus had everyone gather around him and put the two babies on the table. He also put Ventus down alongside them. He then proceeded to show how to change a diaper. Little Terra and Aqua helped him with the demonstrations.

“Ewww ew ew ew ew!” Axel yelled when Terra opened up the diaper on one of the babies to reveal a large smear of poop. He and Luxord both leapt back and huddled against the far wall.

“I’m not touching that,” Larxene said.

“These children will need their diapers changed. If you are to keep them, you need to know how to do it,” Eraqus said. His eyes flashed at the two men, who slunk back to the table to watch. Luxord even got out a pad of paper to take notes. The other members made certain they paid attention too. They were not going to be the next ones to cross Eraqus.

After they finished the demonstrations, Eraqus and his older children made the 13 practice. To minimize the discomfort of the babies, they practiced on some dolls of Aqua’s, which she generously agreed to lend.

“Hey Xaldin, you’re doing it wrong,” Axel said.

“You weren’t even watching.”

“I was too. And I made sure I got it memorized.”

Xaldin was about to cuss Axel out when he noticed the five-year olds watching.

“He’s right,” Terra said.

“The diaper won’t stay on like that,” Aqua added. Grumbling, Xaldin borrowed Luxord’s notes. When those turned out to be incomprehensible to any but Luxord, he politely asked the twins for a remedial lesson. He even said “please”.

Next Eraqus showed them how to feed a baby. Obviously they wouldn’t all be able to do this task, so he demonstrated with Ventus and let Lexaeus and Marluxia get first try at feeding the other two babies. All went fairly well until one of the babies spat his food all over Marluxia. After that, Xigbar took over, and they finished the lesson well enough.

At this point they ran into a problem.

“Where will the boys be staying?” Eraqus asked. Almost all 13 unanimously said “with me.”

A huge squabble broke out, with everyone arguing as to why their home was superior and the homes of others were unsuitable for babies.

Rather than stay and watch, Eraqus guided Terra and Aqua out of the meeting room to a lounge down the hall and gave them their snacks and some toys to play with while he finished up. They were good kids, so he could trust them not to leave the room or get into trouble. He returned to where the 13 were still squabbling, and all three babies were wailing.

“That is ENOUGH,” Eraqus said with feeling. The adults, if they could be called that, all went silent. Eraqus picked up Ventus and shushed him, motioning for people to do the same with the other two. Someone shoved Larxene forward, which did not help, but Roxas and Xion took over one of the babies. With some hesitation, Xemnas himself took the other. He may not want anything to do with these brats, but he ought to set a good example. And he had been the ones to bring the babies here. Besides, the crying was likely to give him a headache.

Once the babies were calm, Eraqus suggested that the babies be given a permanent home, and the 13 could take turns staying with the babies. That way they could make certain that the babies had all the accoutrements they needed and a stable environment, and then everyone could take equal responsibility for them.

This did calm them down some, but then the 13 had a whispered battle as to who would stay with the babies first. They also were less than thrilled when Eraqus pointed out that two babies would be difficult for one person to manage and perhaps they should have two people staying per night, at least for the first month or so. They finally agreed that the order would be Xemnas and Saix, Xigbar and Axel, Xaldin and Demyx, Lexaeus and Luxord, Vexen and Marluxia, Zexion and Larxene, and finally, Roxas and Xion. Once everyone was satisfied at last, Eraqus began detailing what they would need in the babies’ home.

It was after the twins’ bedtime before they finally finished. Wearily, Eraqus woke the drowsy Terra and Aqua from where they’d fallen asleep on a couch and loaded them into the car to drive them home. He had his misgivings about leaving two very young babies with a bunch of clueless thugs. But as Xemnas had pointed out, he was in no position to take the babies and the 13 were unwilling to give them up. Instead Eraqus decided that once a home was found for the babies, he and his children would stay with them for the first week or so until the 13 proved themselves capable. He prayed the babies could survive the care of such a group until then.

* * *

Two weeks later, and an emergency meeting had been called.

“We have a very important matter to discuss,” Saix announced. “It has come to my attention that our boys do not have names.”

“Of course they do,” Axel said. “They’re Lea and Braig.”

“What? No they’re not. Their names are Even and Ienzo,” Vexen said.

“I think you mean Dilan and Isa,” Xaldin said coolly.

Other names were thrown out: Goofy (that was just cruel), Ansem (sounded like a car part or something), Pluto (which was just asking for the kid to be made fun of), Aeleus (and should the other one be called pseudonym?).

“Personally, I think Sora sounds nice,” Xion suggested. “It’s one of the names we’ve been using.”

“Yeah, in Japanese, it means sky,” Roxas added.

No one could think up a complaint, so it was decided that one of the boys would be named Sora.

“Well I don’t see why we need such flowery names for them,” Vexen said. “After all, we are the Yakuza 13. Their names should reflect that.”

So began the suggestions of Doom, Death, Ansatsu (Japanese for assassination), Sha (Mandarin for kill), etc. Tod was almost accepted, as it was German for death AND it was an actual name, but then Marluxia, who specialized in art dealing, suggested Vanitas, an art style meant to remind people that death and misfortune are inevitable. It seemed rather appropriate for the child of a group who was known as being led by thirteen members because thirteen was an unlucky number and having anything to do with the Yakuza 13 is bad luck for you.

“Alright, Sora and Vanitas. But which one is which?” Saix asked.

“Maybe we should go by eye color. One’s got blue eyes like the sky and the other’s eyes are yellow, which is a bit unnerving, or so I’ve been told,” Zexion suggested. Had anyone else said yellow are were creepy, they wouldn’t have walked out alive, but considering that Zexion never looked at people, it was entirely plausible that he simply wasn’t aware of the fact that Xemnas, Xigbar, and Saix all had yellow eyes. Then again, most members of the organization all liked being considered unnerving, and were now jealously peering at the nearest of the yellow-eyed members and idly considering colored contacts. Red or orange lenses would also be good, just to have a little originality.

The twins napped calmly through the meeting. It was Vexen and Marluxia’s turn to watch them, and the latter gently rocked the carrier they were in. To a stranger, he looked all the world like a young parent, but to the other members of the 13, it was a nauseatingly incongruous sight. They were used to Marluxia the art dealer, Marluxia the gardener, and Marluxia the cold blooded killer. He was merciless, and had even had infant victims before. And yet here he was so tenderly caring for these two.

“As another order of business, may I request Vexen be banned from holding them?” Marluxia asked. “Since last week I have been trying to teach him, and it is utterly hopeless, though somewhat educational, as I was not previously aware that this man has no concept of all things sports-related. He doesn’t even know what a football looks like.” Marluxia himself was no big sports fan, but Vexen’s lack of knowledge in the area was pathetic and utterly disgusting.

Lexaeus’s jaw hung open. It was hard to tell which shocked and repulsed him more: Vexen’s inability to hold a baby properly, or Vexen’s lack of sports knowledge, particularly football. Lexaeus and Xaldin had both played for the local pick-up league until they’d both been banned after a certain incident in which an opponent had tried to injure Xaldin so as to give his team an almost fighting chance and the two of them had beaten him until his helmet was dented and his pads no longer usable. As of late, Larxene had suggested they join her hockey team to use up their spare time. They were both hopeless on ice skates, but a well-timed wipeout from them could take out half the other team, and they both made excellent goal-keepers because they blocked the goal entirely.

“Out of curiosity, how does he hold them?” Demyx asked. Marluxia got out his wallet and after a moment, passed around a sheaf of photos of Vexen holding the babies upside-down, by the head, and in one alarming photo, dropping the baby. Marluxia’s arm was in that photo, reaching to save the child.

“Good god,” Luxord whispered.

“Luxord, you don’t believe in god,” Roxas pointed out.

“Vexen, you amaze me. How does one have such a big brain and yet can’t even figure out things like this?” Axel asked.

Zexion looked at the photos, snorted with derision, and then turned a page in his book as he continued reading.

“Vexen, see me after this for some of my parenting guides,” Saix ordered. “In the meantime, the motion to ban you from holding Sora and Vanitas shall pass.”

“Saix, since when do you have parenting guides?” Demyx asked.

“I bought them. If we are to raise these children, someone amongst us ought to know things like what diaper rash is and how to deal with it. The alternative is to call Eraqus every time they so much as sniffle, and at that rate we might as well surrender them to him.” More than one face went pale at the suggestion they give up the twins.

“So that’s where you went to that day. We all wondered where you disappeared to. And all those books were parenting guides? Saix, how many did you get?” Xigbar asked.

“A few.”

“A few dozen is more like it,” Xemnas said.

“There’s quite a bit to know about raising a baby. They are currently in a rapid state of development, and proper care is crucial.”

“Did you get that from one of your books?” Larxene asked. Saix did not deign to respond to her question. Instead he said “And if any of you care to do this correctly as I do, I have left the books on a shelf in the break room of my squad’s office suite. The top three shelves are all dedicated to infancy, organized by topic. The fourth shelf down is the toddler section, though I shall need to expand on that subject. The fifth shelf is early childhood up to ten years, and the bottom shelf is for preteen and teenage parenting tips.”

The other members of the 13 stared.

“That’s very… thorough,” Xaldin said.

“I don’t know why you’re all surprised. He is the biggest pencil pusher among us. Always going on about procedure and whatnot,” Xemnas murmured.

Saix scowled. Just a few days ago, Xemnas had taunted him quite a bit as he returned from his fourth visit to the bookstore to help embellish his collection. Still, one didn’t argue with the boss.

“And here I thought Zexion was the bookworm,” Larxene said snidely.

“Besides, we could use some guides on teenage behavior given that some of you are teenagers,” Xemnas said, eyeing Zexion, Roxas, and Xion- who had been invited into the meeting since it was about the twins.

An alarm went off on Zexion’s watch.

“I believe that means it is now our turn,” he informed Marluxia, closing his book and reaching for the carrier.

“Uh-uh. You’re supposed to wait until nightfall!”

“According to today’s weather forecast, the sun was due to set at 7:38. It is 7:39. Therefore, it is night, and Larxene and I will be taking charge of the twins. Or rather, I will, since Larxene doesn’t actually care.”

“Well we do, so that’s all the more reason for us to keep the twins until the meeting is over,” Vexen protested.

“Children,” Xemnas sighed. No one was listening to him. This moment could potentially set precedent for future arguments over when guardianship would change.

“But nightfall was the agreed upon time,” Zexion protested. The whole organization began to weigh in on the argument.

“Well so what? What if things prevent an exchange right at sunset from being possible? And what about wintertime, when the sun sets earlier as opposed to summer, when it set later?”

“Then we can have a set time for exchanges which we’ll decide upon now.”

“And what if someone can’t make that time?”

“If we allow for exceptions, people will start coming up with excuses as to why they absolutely couldn’t make that time! Like their car will ‘break down’ for four hours or something, because they’ll have gotten a subordinate to mess with the distributor cap.”

“Sounds like you’re the one planning to do that! Maybe you should be banned from custody for that!”

“Silence!” Xemnas shouted over the arguing. The 13 were so loud at this point that he had to shout a few times before everyone had heard and complied. Amazingly, the babies stayed asleep.

“No one is losing custody. This won’t turn into one of your little arguments over who gets what responsibilities around here. For now, we shall have the exchange at 8 PM.”

“But boss, the twins are supposed to be put down to sleep before that,” one brave soul- Demyx, volunteered. If Xemnas had glared any harder, Demyx probably would have been chopped into pieces by it. Demyx gulped and shrank back. The other members took heed and kept their silence.

“The transfer can still occur if- what are their names again? Whatever. If they are asleep.”

Everyone plastered on a smile and nodded. The boss had spoken. His word would be final.

“Excuse me, boss?” Xaldin sounded very nervous.

“Yeeesssss?” Xemnas hissed through gritted teeth. Xaldin had good reason to be nervous.

“Well, sorry to bother you, but what about nighttime business? I know some here tend to work by day, but I’m often out at late hours. And the point of having two of us per night was so that whoever had the twins for the day wouldn’t get overwhelmed. So I’m wondering how should we adjust for that?”

“Just take one of the twins with you for all I care!” Xemnas snapped, and stormed out of the room. The meeting was adjourned.

As it was still only 7:53, Zexion hovered closely over Marluxia and Vexen, not willing to let them out of his sight and still eager to get his turn. He’d already set a new alarm on his watch, and was keeping an eye on the time. Larxene, for all her lack of enthusiasm, couldn’t help but like the twins and therefore was also lounging nearby. And she did have a bit of a soft spot for the newer kids, Zexion (even though he’d joined the thirteen before her) and Roxas. They were both good enough fighters, but tended to be a bit hesitant, which could get them in tight spots. She never hesitated. If push came to shove and Marluxia acted like his usual jerk self, she’d take matters into her own hands. Zexion would have his turn playing parent. And she might just end up tickling their toes a little. It was adorable the way they wriggled when she did that. Not that anyone would ever catch her admitting she thought so, or that she ever did anything with the babies.

* * *

As the next couple of weeks went by, it became clear that every member of the 13 had parental weaknesses. As had been pointed out already, Vexen was absolutely hopeless in holding a baby. Roxas had even been sent to borrow a doll from Aqua for the sake of allowing Vexen to practice. Aside from Xemnas, Roxas was the only member of the 13 Eraqus ever let into his house, since Roxas was related to his late wife. But even with Aqua’s doll, Vexen still managed to fail to grasp the proper way to hold a baby. He resigned himself to not holding them until they were toddlers, though other members had their doubts that it would be safe for Vexen to ever hold their children.

The next issue to present itself was Zexion’s. While he would put his book down to tend the children, he seemed to think once they’d settled down they would stay settled down, and therefore he could resume reading. Unfortunately, this was not the case. More than once the twins crawled off on his watch, and on one memorable occasion, managed to almost fall out a second story window.

Larxene meanwhile, so detested the sound of the twins’ crying that she had taken to wearing earplugs rather than address their needs. When accused of being neglectful, she informed everyone that it was either earplugs or duct tape over the twins’ mouths. After that, her and Luxord’s rotations were switched, since it was decided that Larxene and Zexion together were too inattentive. Also Lexaeus was capable of body-slamming Larxene if she became abusive to the babes.

Lexaeus didn’t have a problem as a parent so much as the twins had a problem with him. They were both terrified by his size, and were prone to screaming and sobbing if he loomed too close. However he also had the best success in getting them to sleep peacefully when he rocked them in his arms.

Axel and Xigbar were another problem set. They had no concept of safety, and were constantly leaving small objects where the twins could reach them and potentially put them in their mouths and choke on them. In one notorious incident, Axel even let Vanitas play with his switchblade, arguing that when he’d given the child the knife the blade was sheathed and therefore safe, and also Vanitas wouldn’t be calm until he handed it over. Xigbar meanwhile, had gotten into trouble after leaving his glass of bourbon where Sora could get at it. As a result, the rotation changed again, with Axel switching with Saix. This lasted for about an hour before Xemnas decided he could better tolerate Xigbar, and so Axel and Saix were partnered and Xigbar and Xemnas were as well.

Xaldin ran into issues when he did as Xemnas suggested and took one of the twins to work with him. One of his favorite parts of his job was debt collection. He would go and scare the bejeezus out of people, and they’d pay up much faster. But when he tried to do this with Vanitas tagging along, he frightened the child, and also people took him a lot less seriously.

Luxord’s issue remained unknown to most of the 13, as it was discovered by Marluxia, who offered to keep quiet about the fact that Luxord was using the twins to attract women. For a price of course. Luxord cursed Marluxia his ability to disguise himself, which had caused Luxord to mistake his cohort for a woman and approach “her” with the line, “Do you know what’s better than one baby? Two!” Most of the ladies went wild over that one, but on that particular day the “lady” had turned around with a sinister smile. Marluxia had scolded him thoroughly and demanded Luxord give him a cut of his monthly budget.

Saix’s problem was that he was by the book. He did everything according to predetermined instructions, but as he was discovering, parenting did not work that way. For instance, his books said babies should be socialized, but the one time he had managed to coax Eraqus into allowing a playdate with Ventus, Eraqus’s son had wound up covered in unidentified muck and knocked over so Vanitas could chew on his hair. And when Saix tried to take the children for a walk in order to give them some fresh air, the two had nearly gotten him arrested when they decided to start crying for no reason, and would not calm down no matter what he did. The worst part of it all was that when he had finally convinced the police he was indeed their guardian, the two were giggling quite happily, as if it were amusing.

Roxas was running into trouble as he would drop everything if Xion called him about the twins, including work. And Xion called him about the twins quite a bit. In her mind, every sad face was the precursor to an emergency, and needed Roxas’s attention, since he knew more about babies than she did. After the third time he ran out on a business meeting, both Saix and Xemnas were threatening to string him up by his toenails. Furthermore, since he was always so quick to give the twins the attention they wanted, they were constantly crying so that he would hold them, or sing to them, or play with them. Meaning once a week when Roxas and Xion had the twins, Roxas got little to no work done.

Marluxia was banned from reading bedtimes stories to the twins. Vexen happened to mention his parent-partner’s choice of books to Roxas, who flipped out when he found out that Marluxia was reading them horror novels and adult literature. The rest of the 13 agreed this was unacceptable, though some of them just said that so Roxas would leave the issue alone.

Demyx got into trouble after deciding that taking the babies to the pool was a good idea. Luckily, a life guard had stopped him before he took the twins on the waterslide.

As for Xemnas, he wasn’t exactly doing anything wrong. He just avoided the twins in general. And when he had to tend them, it was with impatience and a complete lack of love. He had no gentility when dealing with the twins. He had shocked all his parenting partners with his version of playing with the twins, which involved him thrusting a toy at them and telling them to play with it. His feeding style was similar, with him haphazardly shoving the bottles of formula in their faces. And if the twins were reluctant to obey him, he would walk off in the middle of whatever he was doing, whether it be feeding, playing, diaper changing, or in one worrisome circumstance, bathing the twins. There was many a time when Xemnas’s partner would see him walk out of the room without the babies and have to rush in for a rescue.

* * *

As the weeks went on of taking care of Sora and Vanitas, the members slowly improved on their issues, but they also became frustrated in all the things that could go wrong with taking care of two babies. 

All the members had been peed and puked on enough to dread changing diapers and feeding time. The child safety equipment, which had once seemed quaint, was now an annoyance. A prime example is when Xaldin had ripped off a drawer in his frustration as he tried to grab a fork. Toes had been stubbed on the children’s toys and minds driven crazy by the more musical ones. Instead of fighting over who got to take care of the children they began to argue about whose turn it was to take out the diaper trash and whose responsibility it was to pick up the toys. 

The worst part was the crying. And it wasn’t the crying during the day. Oh no, they could handle that. It was the crying during the night. At night it felt like nothing could get the twins to stay asleep. Many began to doubt their parenting skills when they reflected back on the ease with which Eraqus could make a child stop crying. Plus, after a long night of trying to soothe babies and not getting much sleep, the caretakers would become worn out and have trouble doing their jobs. Even those who thought of themselves as experts at spending the nights awake would start to feel the effects of taking care of a crying child. 

The two that had it the worst were Demyx and Roxas. Many a pride had been broken when an organization member admitted they couldn’t make a baby stop crying and called on either one of these two. Roxas, with his previous experience babysitting was the fastest at identifying what was wrong and fixing it. Demyx on the other hand, could play lullabies on his sitar that could put anyone to sleep within minutes. However, the constant call of being sleep-aides affected their work the most. This was especially apparent during one of the Yakuza 13’s weekly boss meetings. 

Despite food being banned during meetings, after an incident with poprocks, Demyx had brought in a bowl of cheerios. He had just woken up from another night of playing Sora and Vanitas to sleep and was too tired to even notice the burning glare Xemnas had given him as he walked in. Five minutes into the meeting, Roxas had fallen asleep face first onto his meeting itinerary and no amount of nudging would wake him up; it could only cause him to give out a muttered “five more minutes.” 

As the dark circles under everyone’s eyes could attest, they too wished they could take a nap, but they feared the wrath of a Xemnas whose meeting was ignored. Roxas would most likely suffer a great punishment once this one was over. 

They were all broken out of their reverie at the sound of a piercing cry, causing them all to flinch. After a few moments another wail began to join the first. Demyx’s spoon, which had been halfway to his mouth, slipped from his hands and splashed into his bowl as he began to cry. 

“Please, no more.” He whispered, voice hoarse. 

At the sound of the cries, Roxas immediately jolted up, eyes still closed and a piece of paper stuck to his cheek. Blindly, he fumbled out of his chair and exited the room, arms up in front of him to feel the way. 

“I’m coming Sora, Vanitas.” he mumbled. 

The whole organization watched Roxas zombie shuffle out of the room, all silent, except for Luxord. 

“May God bless that man’s strength.” He said, crossing himself and bringing his hands together as if in prayer. 

It was a testament to how much everyone agreed with him that no one pointed out that Luxord was atheist. 

When Roxas returned he was carrying the twins in both arms, Sora happily gumming a chew toy and Vanitas staring wide-eyed with a pacifier in his mouth. 

Axel, feeling guilty, took Vanitas into his own arms. Roxas flashed him a tired but grateful smile in return then adjusted his hold on Sora. 

Xemnas had been fuming the entire time Roxas was gone. This was one of his weekly meetings, one of the most important times of the week, when everyone got to know what was going on and he could clearly show who was in charge around here. Thanks to the babies however, everyone was falling asleep! They should be paying attention! He worked hard on his speeches for these meetings and no one ever seemed to care! 

Furious, Xemnas slammed his hands against the table and stood up. “That’s it!” He shouted, “I never should have let Xehanort force these creatures upon me! I should have gotten rid of them while I had the chance!” 

Various protests were heard all around the table. Xemnas raised a hand for silence. 

“Fine.” he stated. “If people want the babies to stay so bad, we’ll put it to a vote. But,” Xemnas paused dramatically while the members looked on in trepidation. Xemnas’s infamous ‘but’s’ usually meant no good, “The vote for Sora and Vanitas to stay has to be unanimous. If I hear even one person say they should leave, then they are out.” For emphasis, Xemnas swept out his hand. 

Everyone remained frozen, frightfully contemplating who might vote for Sora and Vanitas to leave. 

Surprising all, Zexion was the first one to speak. “Since both Vanitas and Sora have come into our lives, I have noticed a 60% increase in team dynamics and ability to work together. This number has only continued to rise. Despite recent excessive tiredness, our overall work performance has improved due to these two. I vote they stay.” 

“I too have noticed a difference.” Vexen stated. “I have had to take care of far fewer injuries from the twelve of you since the two children arrived. It seems you have realized babies don’t like being bled on. While taking care of them has increased my workload in some areas, they have decreased it in others. They can stay.” 

Adjusting his reading glasses, Saïx was the next to speak. “My parenting guides do mention that raising a baby comes with ups and downs, and this is a down they speak of. I believe an ‘up’ will come sooner rather than later, so they should stay.” 

He was followed by Luxord. “Having the babies around has theoretically made picking up chicks easier. I am for the boys sticking around.” 

Roxas had listened to everyone speak quietly, holding his finger out so Sora could grasp onto it. When everyone had fallen silent again, he spoke. “I think Sora and Vanitas should stay. I’ve been through orphanages and adoption agencies before and they are not great places for children. I think we can give them a better home, here.” 

There was a minute of silence as people slowly started to realize that when Xemnas said ‘get rid of’ he probably didn’t have the same thing in mind as Roxas. 

This realization caused Demyx to startle fully awake, knocking his bowl over and spilling milk onto Vexen’s lap. “I want them to stay too!” Demyx exclaimed. “They can be so much happier here rather than, than…” he paused. “I want them to stay.” 

Lexaeus gave a nod. “Stay.” 

Axel looked down at Vanitas who lay in his arms. His eyes were roaming around the room, trying to take in everything and everybody, occasionally pausing to suck on his pacifier. Axel grew contemplative. He had held many lives in his hands before, but before Vanitas and Sora came he had never before been responsible for keeping that life alive. To make sure they grew up right. Could he really just throw the tiny life in his hands away? 

“Look everyone,” Axel said, “I know we’re currently struggling to raise Sora and Vanitas, but just look at them.” To demonstrate Axel carefully held Vanitas out, letting them all see his yellow eyes. “Look at how they trust us to take care of them. We might not be what someone pictures when the think of ideal parents, but we’re all they have. And I for one am not letting them down. And if this organization won’t take care of them then I will. Got it memorized?” 

Xaldin shook his head, “You’re so cheesy Axel,” he responded, “but I agree. As of now we are their best options and I would be remiss if I didn’t admit I was a little… fond of the boys. I would like them to stay.” 

“My my, look at us talking all heart-to-heart.” Xigbar said. “These boys sure make things interesting around here, so just for that I think they should stay.” 

“I have to agree with Xigbar on that account.” Marluxia spoke. “Such fascinating children that can capture the hearts of the Yakuza 13 definitely deserve to stay.” 

There was now only one person left to vote. Everybody looked towards Larxene. 

Larxene rolled her eyes, “My god are you guys all saps. As soon as you see a cute pair of baby eyes you’re all cooing and ‘aww’-ing. Its disgusting.” She then sighed dramatically. “But fine, if you are all so devoted to them, the kids can stay.” She would never admit it, but Larxene had become attached to the babies in her own way. 

All eyes now turned their focus towards Xemnas, who was still standing at what was considered the head of the table. 

“Well Xemnas.” Zexion spoke up, “It seems we are all agreed, both Sora and Vanitas will be staying with us from now on. What do you have to say?” 

Xemnas sat down in exasperation. “Fine, Vanitas and Sora can stay.” 

A series of cheers and whoops were let out from various members. Instead of trying to be heard above the noise Xemnas simply raised his arms for silence. Once he received it he began speaking. 

“But know this, I still expect you to do your yakuza jobs and do them well. If that means giving up a night of watching the twins then so be it. Saïx will find a replacement for you. Also, Saïx would you be so kind as to schedule lesser duties the day after members spend the night with the twins?” 

“Already on it.” he responded, scribbling into a notepad. 

“Good, then you are all dismissed.” With various sighs of relief the rest of Yakuza 13 got up and started to leave. 

“And one more thing!” Xemnas called after them, “No more calling Demyx and Roxas for help at night, I’m sick of them sleeping through my meetings!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A list of character ages during this chapter for your reference as you read on:  
> Xemnas- 33  
> Xigbar- 39  
> Xaldin- 40  
> Vexen- 46  
> Lexaeus- 42  
> Zexion- 19  
> Saix and Axel- 23  
> Demyx- 27  
> Luxord- 35  
> Marluxia- 29  
> Larxene- 26  
> Roxas and Xion- 18  
> Eraqus- 35  
> Terra and Aqua- 5


	2. Dream Home Nightmare: Age - 2 months

The realtor was very uncertain about this couple. She’d never had clients before with such specific requirements. They had laid out a list that started with “three or more bedrooms” continued with fairly normal things like “spacious yard” and “large oven”, but then it took a turn into the weird with “imperturbable neighbors” and “not easily flammable” as well as many others. The realtor wondered if these clients were criminals. But no, surely not. Okay, so these two had been threatening each other a lot since they came in, but newlyweds often didn’t get along, right? The woman wasn’t serious about poisoning her husband, and he in turn must be joking about castrating her, since how would one castrate a woman? It was odd, but the realtor had had odd clients before. She’d dealt with them. She would deal with these two. And if she did well on this sale maybe she could convince her boss to finally give her that raise so she could treat herself to a couple more pints of ice cream. Or maybe she should just quit already, since she really hated this job.

Marluxia and Demyx weren’t aware of their escort’s unease towards them. They were so familiar with people tensing up around them that they’d learned to ignore it. And also, they were a bit preoccupied trying to find a house for the twins they had adopted that would meet the standards of the entire Yakuza 13, as well as trying not to murder each other in front of a civilian. People who weren’t involved in their side of the law tended to freak out about those kinds of things. 

“Smile, honey” Demyx sneered, pointing the camera in Marluxia’s direction. Marluxia didn’t like to smile simply because people told him to, and he had already heard that same line far too many times. Demyx seemed to think it was funny, but it had gotten old after the first time, which had been last week with the second realtor. They’d already been to several different real estate agencies, and things just weren’t working well. Things had gone badly at the first when Demyx decided that to fit their role of newlyweds, he ought to be… uninhibited with his “wife”. Unfortunately, he did not think to warn Marluxia in advance, and Marluxia had reacted badly, whacking Demyx with his purse and using his actual voice to chew him out. This had alarmed the realtor quite a bit, since Marluxia had introduced himself in a falsetto. Also, the violence probably hadn’t helped. So they’d tried again, but then Demyx had accidentally referred to Marluxia with masculine pronouns to an apparently homophobic realtor, and then the next Realtor had heard the two of them discussing how well a home they were looking at might serve them in a firefight, and yet another had been unacceptable, as he had ties to the Storm Riders. 

Marluxia resisted the urge to flip Demyx off and put on a neutral face while Demyx snapped the photo. He could almost hear Xaldin crying over the amount of money they’d spent on film so far, all for the sake of buying a house. Not to mention Xaldin was something of an amateur photographer and felt it was a waste of good film. But everyone wanted to know the layout and Zexion wanted to see what would need to be done for him to get one of his alarm systems in place and Lexaeus and Vexen both wanted to see the kitchen and Xemnas wanted to see if any of the rooms would function as safe points in an emergency and Saix wanted it easily “childproofed”, and it was just so hard to satisfy everyone. Not to mention that even if everyone thought the place was okay based on the photos, they still had to project all costs for the house and get Xaldin to approve. If he thought the house was too expensive, or the modifications requested to make the house impregnable were, then Demyx and Marluxia would be forced to face this ordeal of house hunting again. It was a ridiculous farce, but the two of them were the most suited to dealing with outsiders, not to mention that they were used to producing the impossible at the gang’s demand. Xigbar needed some obscure weaponry? If Axel wanted some illegal explosives? No problem. Marluxia had been an arms’ dealer after all. If Vexen wanted unconventional medications for someone, or Xemnas wanted some of his favorite Japanese dishes? Demyx knew a guy. So when the gang needed a house for their twins that they could secure to their satisfaction, they had naturally turned to Demyx and Marluxia. And the two men had reluctantly agreed, though frankly, even they thought this challenge was a bit beyond them. It would take a miracle to find the right house. 

“Alright, why don’t you show us the next house?” Marluxia suggested to the realtor. 

The realtor sighed and thought longingly of a glass of chardonnay and a rented movie. That’s what she’d do tonight, she decided. Until then, she’d just power on through this day, and try not to listen to closely as this couple whispered things that she’d have to pretend not to hear. It had definitely been a mistake to drop out of grad school. 

* * *

That evening Demyx and Marluxia were passing around the photos from that day’s travels. Marluxia grit his teeth for the inevitable comments about his appearance in the photos. 

“Wow, Marluxia, think you could look a little more constipated?” Xigbar snarked. 

“Oo, he’s making the same face right now!” Axel laughed. 

“I have some laxatives, if you need,” Vexen offered. Marluxia shook his head. 

“Personally, I think it looks like a colorized version of one of those black-and-white photos,” Larxene said. “Like when cameras were still new and it took a long time to take a photo and so people just tried to stay still. I bet Demyx took nearly as long as photographers did back then, since he screws everything up.” 

“If you’re referring to that incident with the tapir, that was one time!” Demyx protested. Marluxia gave Larxene a thumbs up to thank her for her intervention. 

“1608 is no good,” Xemnas said. “If intruders got in we’d be dead. There’s no decently defensible spot that I can see.” 

“Well 257 looks like it would blow a fuse if I even did half of what it needs by way of electronic security,” Zexion said. 

“Not to mention the road curves so enemies could approach largely unnoticed,” Lexaeus agreed. 

“The kitchen in 346 is a disaster. I refuse to raise the twins there” Vexen sniffed. 

“What about 2016? That looks like a nice neighborhood,” Roxas suggested hesitantly. 

“Uh-uh. No can do,” Demyx said. “It was TOO nice. Someone came over to greet us and ask if we were going to move in. With neighbors that nosy, we’d catch a lot of hell.” 

“Bummer,” Luxord said, noticeably eyeing a woman who had been captured in a photo of the exterior of that house. 

“So that just leaves 1301,” Xaldin said. 

“It has a 13 in it,” Axel said, waggling his eyebrows. 

“Indeed,” Xemnas said, nodding approvingly. 

“Looks like it’ll be safe for children,” Saix said. 

“How will security be?” Roxas asked. 

“Doable,” Lexaeus said, and Zexion nodded. 

“Nice kitchen,” Vexen said. “The cabinets might need to be redone, but there’s a lot of counter space.” 

“And I liked the yard,” Marluxia said. 

“Alright. Costs?” Xaldin asked, pulling out a ledger. 

Everyone began discussing plans, debating what was necessary for the immediate future, what would be necessary later on, and what was more an amenity than a necessity. After some squabbling, final estimates were given to Xaldin, who took a moment to total everything. He looked down at his ledger, tapping his mouth with his pencil as he considered. 

“It’ll mean budget cuts elsewhere,” he finally announced. “But it’ll do.” 

Both Marluxia and Demyx leapt to their feet cheering. They actually hugged, and began hugging others. No one else really understood their enthusiasm for successfully finding a house. It was great that they had, but was it really THAT big a deal? But Marluxia and Demyx were thrilled to not have to go through that farce again. They didn’t have to pretend to be a couple anymore. They were finally free. 

Throughout it all, the twins slept under the careful watch of Eraqus, unaware that they would finally have a permanent home of their own.


	3. Meet the Neighbors: Age - 2 months

“Do we really have to do this?” someone complained. Xaldin this time. Zexion had finally shut up after Xemnas had threatened him with having to train with Roxas. Also Xigbar had been reaching for the duct tape. As a matter of fact, Xigbar was reaching for the tape again. That was bound to damage Xaldin’s sideburns. 

“For the last time, it would be suspicious if we turned down the invitation,” Xemnas said with dwindling patience. 

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean we all have to go,” Larxene quipped. She too was sulking about this. 

“Since we’re all going to be spending lots of time here looking after those things, we need to all be introduced or else someone might call the police.” 

“Yeah, imagine if you were the neighbors, and you knew there were two little babies living in a home and there were all these shady lookin’ people showin’ up all the time. And also the ‘parents’ were only around once a week, which could be construed as abuse,” Xigbar pointed out cheerfully. Too cheerfully. He and Luxord had already had a few in preparation. They were the only ones who didn’t have sullen expressions and an air of dread surrounding them like a cloud. Them and Demyx, who was the oddball of the bunch. Even Roxas and Xion, who had backed Xemnas up about attending this ridiculous block party, were nervously bouncing the twins, who gurgled with pleasure. 

“Well can’t we wait for your uncle to arrive first?” Axel whined. 

“We were told to show up at five thirty, and Eraqus can’t come until after he finishes work at six, meaning he won’t be arriving until at least six thirty. If we waited that long that would make us an hour late, and you know how I feel about punctuality. Besides, they’ll probably come looking for us before then. Now, we have 83 seconds by my watch. Let us wait.” 

“Yes, but shouldn’t we at least figure out a cover story? People are bound to ask about the twins,” Luxord pointed out. “Perhaps I should be their godfather and some of you can be their uncles or something. Or-” 

“If anyone asks just tell them the truth. Or a version of it anyways. Xemnas adopted them but he can’t handle raising them on his own so we’re helpin’ him out,” Xigbar suggested. 

“Thirty seconds! Positions everyone!” Xemnas barked. Not that they weren’t already in position. And not that they really needed to be in position, as this wasn’t business. 

All was silent for the next twenty seconds, and then Xemnas began a countdown of the final ten seconds. At zero, he opened the front door and the lot of them spilled out onto the street where their new neighbors were already getting started. Across from them, Gene, who had arranged everything, was already firing up the grill, with dozens of burger patties, hot dogs, chicken wings, and ribs ready for barbecuing. In the adjacent lawn, a couple of college-aged guys wrestled while another two cheered them on. One guy held a frisbee in his hand, and as Gene, or Genie as he had told Demyx to call him, called a greeting to the newcomers, the frisbee holder turned and sent it flying towards them with a call of “heads up!” 

Immediately, Saix and Axel charged forward to catch it, much to Xemnas’s protest. Xaldin calmly stuck out a leg to trip Saix, and Xigbar shoved Axel aside, only to be shoved aside himself by Luxord. However, Roxas was the one to catch the frisbee, as he handed Sora off to a protesting Larxene, climbed onto Lexaeus’s shoulders, and leapt to catch it, flipping as he did so, which brought cheers from the college guys. 

As one of the guys introduced himself as Shang and struck up a conversation with Roxas and Xion, Vanitas ended up in the hands of Saix and Sora was passed to Xigbar, and Gene waved Xemnas over. 

“I’m afraid it’s not going to be much more than this. Sarabi and Mufasa should be coming- you’ll like them, they’ve even got a son the age of your twins- and Belle and Maurice will show up eventually, but even Belle has a hard time dragging her father away from his workshop when he’s having one of his ideas. He’s some sort of scientist. And an inventor. An absolute genius, though he acts kinda strange.” 

“I do believe I know the type,” Xemnas said drily. His eyes found Vexen and Zexion,who were in the midst of an argument about the physics of throwing frisbees and what method would grant the most loft and achieve greatest distance. Xemnas wasn’t even sure either of them could throw a frisbee. Gene followed the glance, and smiled knowingly. 

“Well, anyways, the rest of the block isn’t feeling very sociable today. I told them how I was having a block party to greet you guys, and some of them were quite rude! Though it was rather funny when I went to Chi-fu’s place. I’d heard from Ling that he screams like a girl, but knowing it and actually hearing the scream are two different things. Though I don’t see why having a block party for you guys would cause him to scream…” 

Xemnas had an idea what might have caused this Chi-fu to scream. But Gene didn’t need to know what his new neighbors did when they weren’t looking after infants. It was bad enough that someone had already recognized them. But Saix’s stupid parenting guides insisted on stability for children, and he was adamant that now that they’d found a permanent home for the boys, it should be, well, permanent. So no moving, even if there were spies from rival gangs in the neighborhood or people next door who were completely terrified of them and called the cops on them for mundane things so often that they ended up on first name basis with the dispatchers. Even if it was safer for the twins and their 14 parents to move, they were there to stay. 

Xemnas left Gene to his grilling and drifted through the gathering. The skinniest of the college guys was cooing over Vanitas, who spat up on him and giggled merrily. The largest guy was talking avidly with Lexaeus, and when Xemnas drifted closer, he could overhear the lad asking for details about Lexaeus’s “glory days” as a stage wrestler, The Silent Hero. Even Xemnas found it hard to keep a straight face when Lexaeus’s former career was brought up, so he moved on to where the shortest of the college guys was trying to look tough by tossing threats at Xaldin, who ignored him with the ease of practice, and instead was chatting with Marluxia about one of their puppet companies as if they were ordinary executives. Up ahead, Saix and Axel were talking to a dark-skinned couple carrying their own horrid little bundle of joy. He walked past them, overhearing the words “playdate with our Simba,” being uttered. He sincerely hoped that didn’t mean there would be times when he’d be responsible for not two, but three monstrosities at a time. Or worse, his uncle might bring little Ventus over, upping the number of miserable excuses for human beings to four. 

Xemnas found himself latching onto Xigbar. As much as he’d insisted on coming to this event, he was not much of one for parties himself. He did not really consider himself an introvert, but people frequently told him he was awkward, and the mind-numbing dullness of casual conversation nauseated him. As did the music that was playing on a boom box the college guys had brought out. Was it that ridiculous group he’d heard Xion mention, the Sideroad Studs or something like that? 

A small explosion came from a nearby house, and Axel abandoned Saix to check it out. He didn’t return until after Eraqus and his kids arrived, and when he did, he was accompanied by a scruffy little man and a beautiful teenager, all of them burdened with armloads of rockets. 

“No fireworks, you’ll upset the children!” Eraqus called, but was booed by the college guys, Gene, several of the Yakuza 13, Mufasa’s ancient grandfather Rafiki, and even his own Terra and Aqua. 

“Fear not, for with that in mind I adjusted the chemicals to try and make them quieter,” the newcomer said. “Axel here was a great help.” 

“Great, we’re setting off experimental fireworks,” Xemnas grumbled. “Why not just take torches to all the nearby houses to make things faster?” 

“Actually, if we wanted to burn the street down-” Axel began, but was cut off by the teenager. 

“I’ve already called the fire department and warned them about it,” she said. “Don’t worry, they’ve got an excellent response time. Though Papa hasn’t had any mishaps for years, so everything will be fine.” 

“Besides, if anyone’s likely to burn the neighborhood down, it’s me,” Gene said. 

“I didn’t think you’re grilling was all that dangerous,” the skinny college guy- Ling- said. 

“Huh? Oh no, I meant cuz I’m so hot I’m on fire!” Xemnas didn’t find this particularly amusing, but it drew plenty of laughs. 

While everyone was discussing the likelihood of the neighborhood being burned down, Axel and the scruffy man, Maurice, were busy setting up their fireworks display. As Maurice organized the many rockets, Axel stuck one in the ground for firing as a test. 

“Test rocket firing!” he yelled, and lit the fuse. 

The rocket went off with a colossal bang that left all four babies howling and Terra and Aqua hugging each other as they tried not to join in on the crying. 

“Oi! Warn us next time!” Xigbar shouted, his hands on his ears. 

“I did!” Axel shouted back. 

“I thought they were supposed to be quiet,” Demyx complained. 

Meanwhile, Mufasa handed Simba to Sarabi, saying that in times like this he was her son. Faces could be seen in many of the nearby houses, even ones that were supposedly empty for the evening because the residents were “out” and therefore unavailable to join the block party. 

“Try the other one,” Maurice called to Axel, who eagerly began setting up another rocket. Roxas quickly grabbed the nearest twin, Vanitas, from Saix, and dashed towards the house. Eraqus, holding Ventus and with his own twins in tow, wasn’t far behind him, and Lexaeus was hot on his heels, carrying Sora, who he’d taken from Xigbar once Xigbar found a beer, as well as an ashen faced Zexion and a raging Larxene who was threatening to shove the rest of the rockets into Axel’s ears. The door had barely closed behind them when the second rocket went off, far quieter this time, though still a little loud. Luckily, Sarabi had also managed to get Simba inside. 

After sorting out which rockets would be deafening, the fireworks display went on, and was indeed a sight worth watching. A few of the braver neighbors who had declined the party even ventured out onto their porches to get a better view. Afterwards, everyone chowed down on the food Gene had prepared. He and Vexen got into an avid discussion on barbecue sauces, and Marluxia was even heard to say a word or two of appreciation. 

To finish off the night, Yao, the shortest of the college guys, insisted on a game of dodgeball in the street. To make things fair, lots were drawn as to who would play on which team. Unfortunately, the lots just so happened to split up some major rivalries. Xaldin and Lexaeus were on opposing teams. The two of them gave each other a friendly pat on the back and wished each other luck, but the looks in their eyes said they were going to do everything they could to bring each other down. All in friendship, of course. Less friendly was Zexion, who had been lured out of the house, against Vexen. And then there was Marluxia against Demyx- the two normally got along pretty well, but recent events that had transpired during the process of purchasing the house had put the two at odds with each other. A surprising new rivalry was born when Xigbar and Roxas ended up on opposite teams and Xigbar swore to take the “little punk” down. For the sake of keeping up the competitive spirit, Larxene then teamed up with Sarabi and challenged Xion and Belle as a battle of girl power. Saix and Axel said nothing as they were put on separate teams, but they didn’t have to as their grins said plenty. Gene made the mistake of saying something about bets, so when he and Luxord ended up on opposite teams Luxord honed in on him as an opponent. The remaining team members included Xemnas, Ling, Mufasa, and Chien Po on one side, and Eraqus, Yao, Shang, and Rafiki, who insisted on playing even though he looked completely infirm. Maurice volunteered to referee. A wise decision, as it turned out. 

The game was brutal. Rafiki proved to be quite fearsome, and quickly dispatched Zexion, Saix, and Xaldin. However, as Roxas frantically dodged Xigbar, some of his stray shots ended up hitting Demyx, Luxord, and Yao. Shang got in a few lucky shots that took out Chien Po and Ling, and Belle managed to bounce a shot off of Mufasa, but then Larxene nailed her in the butt while Sarabi caught a shot Lexaeus sent at her, eliminating him as well. Marluxia managed to take out Rafiki and Roxas got Shang, but then Xigbar hit Roxas while he was distracted, and Axel released a throw that hit Gene just in time to catch a shot from Marluxia and then get clobbered by a shot from Sarabi. Larxene managed to hit Xigbar and Vexen fumbled a catch that would have taken out Sarabi, meaning he himself went out. Xion managed to avenge them, taking out Larxene and getting hit by a shot from Sarabi at the same time one of her shots hit Sarabi. 

Meanwhile, Xemnas and Eraqus had yet to throw a single ball, or even to move from their original positions. The moment the last of the others left the street to sit on the curb however, the two of them sprang into action, throwing and dodging like mad men. Ling raced inside to get the camcorder he’d gotten with his New Year’s money, and filmed the entire spectacle. Years later, when he became a special effects expert, he would still refer back to this tape for inspiration. 

In the end, the game was called as a draw, since after nearly half an hour of endless throwing and dodging like something out of a cartoon, neither Eraqus nor Xemnas showed any sign of relenting, and also it was getting dark out. Since Terra, Aqua, and Ven had all fallen asleep inside the house, it was decided that Eraqus and his children would all stay the night. Those who weren’t parenting for the night were just preparing to leave when the word was passed around that Xemnas wanted to hold a meeting in the basement. 

There weren’t any furnishings in the basement yet. It hadn’t been important so far. All in all, it was a rather uncomfortable place for a meeting, but when Xemnas insisted it wasn’t like they could argue. 

“Now,” Xemnas said, calling them to order as they tried to find the least uncomfortable positions. “What do you think?” 

“Um, about what?” Demyx asked. 

“I’m of the opinion that some of us don’t think at all,” Vexen said haughtily. 

“About our neighbors, you idiots!” 

“Oh,” everyone said collectively. 

“Um, they’re nice?” Axel ventured. 

“I think my mom should hire Shang to work at the dojo,” Xion said. “Though I’m guessing that’s not what you want to hear right now.” 

“It isn’t,” Xemnas replied thinly. He pinched his lips together and glared at everyone. “That’s it? They’re nice and you want to give them jobs? Really? I am so disappointed in you. We went to that farce of a party to sound them out! We need to be on the lookout for spies! We need to know everything about them- their hopes, their dreams, their dirty secrets and weaknesses, everything in their hearts must be known!” 

“Um, boss, they’re our neighbors. Not rival gangs,” Luxord said before he could stop himself. 

“But they could be recruited by rival gangs, don’t you get it?! Just how thick are you?!” 

“Well the ones at the party are all okay,” Xigbar said, cutting into the silence that followed the berating from Xemnas. “But I wouldn’t trust whoever is on Gene’s left. They had a camera set up in the window so they could watch without being seen. And I thought I saw some binoculars down the block so someone should check that out. The rest are probably just scared, but we should still look out for them because they might be willing to sell some intel in order to get rid of us and feel a little safer.” 

“I also thought I saw Iago at one point,” Xaldin murmured. 

“Iago?” Xemnas asked, arching an eyebrow. 

“A guy from our army days,” Lexaeus explained. “He was always sucking up to those in charge. And if he’s here in this neighborhood, it’s a remarkable coincidence.” 

“Indeed. Especially as I heard he had moved to the tropics,” Xaldin agreed. 

“So there’s lots of shady characters around. We must be vigilant. Stay on your guards, everyone.” No one dared to point out how redundant that was. 

“As if we’d let anything happen to the boys,” Saix said. All the same, as Xemnas released them Saix pulled a few of his colleagues aside to make certain requests. Demyx was to look into the acquisition of more houses on the block. Saix had a feeling this wouldn’t be too hard, as many would probably soon be for sale. Lexaeus was to place surveillance teams inside the houses, who would all get dogs that they would walk at varying times in order to patrol the neighborhood, and also plan several possible escape routes should things go wrong. Larxene was to think of every way to break into the house so they could think of counter-actions, and also Saix encouraged her to have her squad take a look inside the neighbors’ houses, just in case- not that Larxene needed encouragement. Xaldin was to approve the budgets for all of it. 

* * *

The residents who had been at the block party all had varying opinions on their new neighbors. To Gene, they seemed like an amusing bunch. He thought he would be pretty entertained so long as they were around. 

Chien Po was honored to have met the Silent Hero, and hoped the man wouldn’t mind if he stopped by every now and then. Yao was annoyed by the new neighbors. They all acted so darn tough all the time, which was bad enough, but also they were a bunch of pretty boys. It was bad enough living with Shang, but now there was that lot across the street. He’d never pick up any chicks at this rate. Ling was fascinated by the dodgeball footage he’d obtained, and also confused at how he’d gotten out so quickly when he was so skinny he barely had to move to dodge. Shang was in awe of Xion and Roxas, and very interested in the dojo Xion had spoken of. She said she had a sister who also taught there, and he couldn’t help but wonder if her sister was as pretty as she was. 

Mufasa had his doubts about the new neighbors, but he would keep them to himself, as his wife had become friends with Larxene and was also happy Simba would have boys his own age to play with, and his father liked them too. 

Belle smelled trouble though. She didn’t like these new neighbors. Like the one guy who had asked her for their phone number, and when she’d refused he’d been sly and gone to her father, who gave their number without a second thought. He was clearly a ladies’ man, and no good, even if he said he was a priest. But she did kinda like the talk she’d had with that other guy, the gardener. And the kids were sweet. But still, she didn’t trust them. And she was worried they’d get her father in trouble. She’d been arguing with Maurice for a while now, where he believed she should go out and see the world, but Belle didn’t think she could leave him alone. Now she was certain. She was staying right here. 

Maurice had been invited to play cards with the nice young man who had asked for their phone number, and that large man had promised to bake him some langues de chat after he’d overheard Maurice comment that he’d missed eating them since his wife died. And that lad who’d helped him with the fireworks, what a bright young man he was. Belle claimed they were troublemakers. But what did she know? Why, back when he was young… Oh the stories he could tell. 

As everyone reflected on their new neighbors, and the Yakuza 13 began to move in order to ensure the safety of their boys’ new home, the twins and their “cousins” all slept soundly. Sora and Vanitas held hands as they dreamed, not knowing they had just met the people who would surround them as they grew up.


	4. Sickness and Health: Age - 6 months

There was not much that could daunt the Yakuza 13. Nay, they did not fear being on the business end of a gun, nor the threat of a slit throat, and did not hesitate to jump into a fight where the numbers were stacked against them. These were men and women who would even face down certain death without batting an eye. But the situation they were in was definitely more than they could handle. 

The thirteen plus Xion were in their meeting room. In the center of the table was a baby carrier, designed to hold two babies. Inside the carrier lay their problem. Inside the carrier, the twins they had taken in were dying. 

Okay, maybe not dying. But the 13 couldn’t be sure. They just knew the babies were sick. They had awful symptoms including diarrhea and fever, and they were vomiting more than usual. Not to mention they were extremely fussy. Even now they were crying. And they weren’t the only ones. More than a few of the 13 had tears in their eyes because they were worried about their little boys, and Vexen was sobbing in the corner, apologizing for not knowing what to do. 

“I’m sorry I’m not a pediatrician!” he wailed. 

“Vexen, shut up,” Xemnas said. He had little patience for all the dramatics that seemed to surround these babies. Sure, in recent times the 13 had calmed down a bit and gotten better at parenting. Vexen still couldn’t hold a baby properly, but they’d all learned to be attentive, and were aware of what was and what wasn’t infant-friendly, and the twins had even adjusted so that they no longer feared Lexaeus for his size. They were by no means perfect parents, but the twins were in a much better situation than when they first arrived, and the 13 were better prepared to raise them. They’d even figured out how to get the boys to sleep and how to deal with midnight wake-ups in such a way that they could even make it through the day after they watched the twins. But at moments like this, his tough, vicious, fearless, menacing, and merciless thugs turned into a bunch of useless fluff-heads. 

“Xemnas, you called Eraqus, didn’t you?” Xion asked for the nth time. She wasn’t part of the 13 per se, but as Roxas’s girlfriend and right hand, she had a part in many of the 13’s activities, including raising the twins. 

“I already told you, he didn’t answer so I left a message.” 

“Maybe you should call again,” Demyx suggested with his usual lack of tact and obliviousness to the boss’s moods. “Or Roxas could call. Eraqus likes Roxas better, so he might answer for him.” 

Perhaps Eraqus would, but that didn’t improve Xemnas’s mood. At this rate… 

“Good afternoon,” a voice said from the doorway. “My, my, I didn’t expect to find you all here. Emergency meeting?” Xehanort asked. 

“Sir!” All of the 13 except Xemnas jumped to their feet. 

“Hello father,” Xemnas said tiredly. He didn’t like his father hanging around at the best of times, and this was not the best of times. He had no energy for Xehanort at the moment. 

“And how are the boys today?” Xehanort asked. “From the sound of things, not happy.” 

“They’re sick,” Xigbar said. As official second-in-command and oldest member he had the right to speak to the boss’s dad. So did Saix, the pencil pusher who did more of what might typically be expected of a second-in-command. He practically ran the place, that Saix. 

“Oh dear. That is a problem.” 

“And Vexen doesn’t know what’s wrong and Eraqus isn’t answering his phone,” Demyx added. You could always count on Demyx to ignore protocol. 

Just then, Eraqus came bustling through the door. 

“Have you taken them to a doctor?” he asked. 

“Only Vexen,” Roxas said. 

“How high is their fever?” 

“102.7 degrees for both of them,” Axel responded. 

Eraqus turned pale. 

“I am taking them to the doctor. Now.” 

“Now Eraqus, I’m sure-” Xehanort began. 

“Brother, you may be older, but I am more experienced with child-rearing. A fever that high could be deadly if left unchecked. And with diarrhea and vomiting they may very well be dehydrated. They must be diagnosed and treated.” 

Eraqus swooped the baby carrier off the table. 

“Do you have car seats for them?” he asked. He only had one in his car. He kept meaning to dig up the extra one in the attic from when Terra and Aqua were young in case of emergencies like this, but he had yet to get around to it. 

“Yeah, Xaldin should have some in his car.” 

Rather than ask Xaldin to come Eraqus just held out a hand and barked “keys, now!” 

Xaldin handed his keys over, and told Eraqus where it was parked. Eraqus nodded, and jerked his head at his nephew. 

"I’ll be needing their official guardian to come.” 

“Then I shall also accompany you,” Xehanort said. Eraqus looked from his brother to his nephew, making the connection as to who had originally acquired the twins. 

“I should have known,” he muttered in disgust. Leave it to his brother to kidnap or buy a couple of babies and then dump them off on a group of mobsters. 

If either Xemnas or Xehanort was surprised that the usually lawful Eraqus ran six red lights and sped the whole way to the clinic, they said nothing. 

They were at the clinic for two hours. While they were gone, the rest of the 13 waited anxiously in the meeting room, only occasionally leaving for phone calls or to give orders to subordinates. Even if the twins survived this illness, the 13 weren’t sure they could. Xigbar had gotten some sake delivered, and had already drank through three bottles on his own, with another four shared between the other members. Marluxia was popping tablets to lower his blood pressure, and Demyx was playing his sitar. Initially he’d intended to play calming music, but in the end he was so highly strung that what ended up coming out was a cacophony of death metal music that soothed no one. Saix was trying to orchestrate a meditation circle. 

When the three men returned with the babies, everyone awaited the prognosis with bated breath. Were their boys going to be okay? 

“A stomach bug,” Eraqus announced. “The doctor believed it to be viral, so you’ll have to wait it out. Also, they’ve been okayed for fluids so make sure they are drinking plenty. And if my Ventus catches this, you had better compensate me for it.” 

Eraqus deposited the twins on the table and stormed out. However, when Lexaeus headed to the kitchen to prepare the babies’ formula, he found that Eraqus had no intentions of abandoning the twins just yet, since the man was just leaving the kitchen, bottles in hand. Only when he was satisfied the twins would get the proper care did he return home. 

A week later, and all of the 13 were still exhausted. Saix could barely function, which was particularly worrisome, but not surprising given that he had been hounded constantly for advice on caring for the twins since he had read all the parenting guides, and also Xemnas had ordered him to come up with regulations so as to keep the twins healthy. During the short period the twins were sick, productivity among the 13 had ground to a halt. That was unacceptable, and Xemnas intended to prevent it from happening again. 

In the meantime though, the members of the 13 were all exhausted from caring for the fussy vomiting, diarrheic twins. So when the twins were put down for their nap, the 13 all went to take a nap too.


	5. Learning to Play Nice: Age - 1 year

This game made no sense. 

They had been playing for several rounds now, and that was the one conclusion Vexen had reached. He stared at the cards in his hand, trying to make sense of them. Was this what they called a full house? And was that a good thing? 

At another time, Vexen might have spent time trying to figure this out, but he couldn’t afford to do so anymore. He was down to his underwear, and on the verge of panic. He had to win this hand, and gain some articles of clothing back. But that seemed rather unlikely, as Luxord had won every hand so far. No wonder he’d come to the game with only his pants and underwear on as a “handicap”. No matter how many more layers one wore, they would still lose to him. 

How had Vexen allowed himself to get goaded into this again? Oh yes. Luxord had told him that Zexion had yet to master this game. While Vexen did not feel the same burning desire to constantly outsmart the little upstart, it would have been so sweetly satisfying to be able to tell that child that he had learned something faster than him. And it might have slowed the onslaught of insults that boy slewed whenever Vexen was around, at least for a little while. So Vexen had even accepted the outrageous stakes Luxord had proposed. It was not one of his moments of better judgment. 

Marluxia entered the room, looking tired. He took in the sight of five of his colleagues, all in various states of disrobement, and sighed. 

“Strip poker again?” he asked. Everyone at the table- Luxord, Vexen, Demyx, Xaldin, and Lexaeus- nodded. All except Luxord had rueful and resigned looks on their faces as they regretted entering the game and were slowly beginning to accept that they were going to lose. 

“Are the twins alright?” Vexen asked, hoping for an excuse to bow out of the game before he was completely humiliated. 

“A bit restless, but they finally settled down,” Marluxia replied, nipping Vexen’s hopes in the bud. 

“Are you sure, I could go check on them if you-” 

“Vexen, are you in or not?” Xaldin snapped. He was getting a little cranky as he was getting low on articles of clothing himself. He still had his pants and shirt on, but he’d already lost his dog tags, both socks, both shoes, a scarf, a vest, a blazer, his belt, his watch, and a pair of sunglasses. Lexaeus was in a similar state. Only Demyx was still reasonably clothed, as he’d come with an unfair amount of accessories to shed one at a time. He’d even worn three pairs of socks. 

“He’s folding,” Marluxia said, glancing over at Vexen’s cards. “Definitely.” 

“Are you sure? I thought this was supposed to be good.” 

“You’re playing against Luxord. Unless it’s a royal flush, you fold. And that’s not a royal flush. So fold.” 

“Marluxia, you wound me,” Luxord said in mock offense, but the grin on his face said he rather enjoyed the commentary, and took it as praise. 

Marluxia made a rude gesture and carried on towards the kitchen. Vexen followed his advice and folded. It was a good plan, as Lexaeus had also had a full house, but still lost to Luxord’s four nines. How did the man do that? 

Vexen idly accepted the next hand, wondering if he should just accept that he could never win and leave the game. It would mean he’d lose the bragging rights he’d been coveting, but at least he wouldn’t have to suffer the humiliation of being stripped naked by a card game. 

Looking at his hand, Vexen’s eyes almost bugged out. This.... This was good. He couldn’t remember how good, but having all one color was definitely good. He received some startled looks when he said he’d “stay” rather than asking for some new cards, and both Lexaeus and Xaldin wisely folded. Good. He’d feel a little guilty taking a victory at the expense of his friends. 

Demyx lay down his cards: two pairs, kings and fours. Luxord placed down a full house of his own, two twos and three threes. 

“Sorry fellows,” Vexen said. “But what’s that thing where you’ve got all one suite?” 

“You mean a flush,” Demyx asked incredulously. 

“Yeah. That,” Vexen said, laying his cards down. 

“Afraid not,” Luxord said, and pointed to one of the cards. For the first time, Vexen noticed that while four of the cards were hearts, the fifth was a diamond. Vexen stared in disbelief. He had a two, a four, a five, a seven, and an eight. His hand was absolutely trash, and he had just lost. 

Demyx burst out laughing. 

“My god,” he choked through his laughter, earning himself a slight glare from Luxord, “you just lost a poker game betting on a high card of eight! You really are an idiot!” 

That stung. A lot. And Vexen could tell that this was only just the beginning. 

* * *

Somehow by the next morning, the entirety of the Yakuza 13 upper echelons knew of Vexen’s disgrace. And by somehow, of course it meant that Luxord and Demyx had spread it around. To be fair, Demyx probably didn’t think about the potential consequences of this on Vexen, and merely wished to share an amusing story. But that wasn’t going to stop the ensuing misery. 

Of course Xaldin and Lexaeus were both quite sympathetic. They were good guys that way. Roxas also wasn’t one to take enjoyment in the plights of others. And Xemnas had no interest in what he called “the petty squabbles of my underlings”. So there was no mocking to be had from those fronts. But the others… 

The worst was undoubtedly Larxene. The only times Larxene ever won at card games was when she was cheating, which she did much as anything else she enjoyed: unabashedly. Yet this didn’t stop her from taking immense pleasure in Vexen’s loss. She also chastised the others who had been present for not getting pictures of the event, even getting into a fight with Marluxia, who she usually got along with quite well, when he claimed such a thing would be a waste of film. 

As bad as Larxene was, Luxord, not surprisingly, was almost as bad, taking time out of his schedule to drop by Vexen’s office and loudly make some casual mention of their card game. He had a dubiously coincidental knack for showing up when there were other people around to snicker at the story or give Vexen pitying looks that showed he had just died a little in their eyes. 

Axel and Demyx meanwhile, thought it was funny to make Vexen a “sympathy” card, and leave it out for everyone to see. In some ways, it was quite talented, with a detailed description and illustrations that made up for their mediocrity with their captions. One of his subordinates had alerted Vexen, and he had rushed up and torn it to pieces, but not before Larxene had taken photos of the card and gotten the film to the sixth division for development, with instructions to make several prints. Vexen would still find copies of the photos months later, despite the fact that he managed to track down the negatives after a few days. 

As for the rest, they were fairly passive about things. However, it still stung when Saix suggested he get glasses because if he could neither read his paperwork correctly or identify a card’s suite, his eyesight might be going. Even worse was when Vexen and Marluxia was parenting, and after Vexen asked if Marluxia needed help getting Sora to drink his formula, Marluxia sarcastically suggested he practice playing cards instead. Xigbar, being Xigbar, had kindly instructed his squad not to snipe Vexen for the time being, but conversely had taken to leaving playing cards lying around, particularly those of identical number and suite to those that had been in Vexen’s now infamous losing hand. 

Surprisingly, Zexion did not revel in Vexen’s misery as much as might have been expected. After a week with nothing but the usual jibes and catty comments, Vexen finally asked his colleague why he was keeping his silence. Zexion had responded with a slew of statistics related to card games, using them as evidence that “it could happen to anyone.” However, Zexion had followed this up with “of course, it’s much more likely to happen to an idiot like you,” accompanied by a condescending sneer that tested the limits of Vexen’s patience. 

* * *

After a month of this misery, the taunting was really getting old. The leaders of the Yakuza 13 were constantly mocking one another, but usually a new victim would be presented within a week or two as someone else screwed up in an amusing way. Yet everyone was somehow staying clean, and Vexen’s nerves were wearing thin. He was beginning to hate his coworkers, and thought fondly of revenge. Perhaps if he drugged them and removed a kidney each to sell on the black market? Then again, some of them drank enough that they needed both kidneys. And they might find having only one kidney a fighting advantage. He worked with some truly insane people. 

Vexen was in his office, contemplating various vengeance strategies in his boredom. Most days, the medical wing was pretty dull, with only the occasional setting an arm broken in a fight with another member of the Yakuza 13 or sewing up the spot where someone got hit by a dart thrown by a drunk colleague. The most common ailment was ennui, and it was certainly affecting Vexen. 

The perfect solution chose that moment to come knocking on the door. 

“Sir! Some of the captains got beat up pretty bad. We’re going to need you on this one!” one of Vexen’s underlings panted. Vexen calmly got to his feet, wishing the scalpels in his white coat didn’t weigh it down too much for it to flap dramatically behind him as he went to assess the situation. When he reached the triage room, his eyes lit up. 

His patients were none other than Marluxia, Demyx, and a very beat-up Luxord. The only way it could have been better was if Larxene was there, and maybe Zexion with a concussion. Though it was a pity about Marluxia. The man was an enigma, but he was alright, and Vexen did feel bad that he was hurt. Though that may have been in part because it meant he’d have to take sole responsibility for the twins’ diapers. 

“Oh dear me. What do we have here?” Vexen asked no one in particular. “It seems a doctor is needed here. Good thing I am one. Now who shall I see to first? Luxord, who is barely conscious, has lost the most blood and is still bleeding heavily, and who keeps bringing up a certain card game? Seriously, how much time do you spend thinking up some of those witticisms? Or perhaps I should tend to Demyx, who has a head wound and is having difficulty breathing indicating a high chance of cracked ribs, and who let everyone in on said card game IN DETAIL? No, I don’t think so. I think I really ought to fix up Marluxia. After all, he has a dislocated shoulder, and that collarbone might be broken as well, and those are quite painful so I better take care of him first.” 

“Vexen, don’t,” Marluxia said. 

“Don’t what?” 

“I’m not even a doctor and I can tell they need to be treated first.” 

“Ah, mhm, I see what you mean. Still, I am a doctor, so I get to call the shots here. Heh, call the shots. I wasn’t even trying to make a pun.” 

“Vexen!” 

“Ah, well, I suppose I could reevaluate my priorities if certain someones were to apologize for certain actions following a certain card game and not mention it ever again, and take responsibility for seeing to it that others do the same,” Vexen said sweetly. Luxord nodded weakly, and Demyx shot a glance at Marluxia who started to shrug and then winced as his injuries reminded him of their existence. Demyx sighed and gave an “okay” gesture. 

“Alright then. Now I suppose that means I ought to be treating Luxord first. He might go into shock soon. But I really don’t think he needs any kind of anesthesia, do you?” 

“Vexen!” Marluxia bellowed. 

“What? I want to be sure he’s learned his lesson. And that he spreads the word. No one should mess with the man who’d gonna be sewing them back up when they end up like this. Because that would be foolish, wouldn’t it?” 

“Do I need to call Xemnas down here? You know he doesn’t mind us being taken out by people who can replace us, but will not forgive anyone who takes out a leader when no replacement has been designated through means of a duel or selection.” 

Vexen sighed. That was true. Xemnas encouraged ambition among the lower ranks, and had frequently expressed dismay over the fact that no one had tried to overthrow any of the leaders since before Roxas joined. But he would never forgive it if one leader killed another without good reason, or indirectly caused their death, as Vexen could do here. 

“Alright,” he said. “Get him ready,” he told an underling, and went to scrub up. 

* * *

It wasn’t often that the leaders of the Yakuza 13 could be coaxed into spending time with each other, especially when the twins weren’t involved, but somehow the recovery of Luxord, Demyx, and Marluxia prompted them to do so. Not everyone showed up; Saix and Axel were with the twins, Roxas and Xion had already planned to spend the evening with Xion’s family, and Zexion insisted he needed some alone time, but the rest of them all headed off to a bar for a drink or two. There were toasts to everyone’s health and friendship, and then Luxord brought out a pack of cards. Vexen felt his heart sink. 

“Who’s playing?” Luxord asked. 

“What game?” Larxene countered. 

“Poker, of course.” Luxord looked a little offended. 

“I’m in,” Xigbar said, grinning. “You too old man.” 

Xemnas sighed. “If you insist,” he said wearily, but there was a glint in his eyes and the slightest upward turn at the corners of his mouth that indicated he was pleased to be playing. 

“Count me out,” Xaldin said, and Lexaeus nodded in agreement. The two of them headed off towards the dart board. 

“Well you know I’m all for teaching you a thing or two,” Larxene said. 

“Eh, why not,” Demyx said. 

Vexen started to get up. “It’s not strip poker,” Luxord told him. Vexen paused, uncertain. 

“Better to not,” Marluxia told him. “With that lot, you’ll never win. Even Larxene’s bound to lose every hand, despite her cheating. Because even if she could beat Luxord, which I’ve never seen, she can’t possibly beat him, AND Xigbar AND Xemnas.” 

“Xemnas is good at poker?” Vexen whispered back. 

“Oh yeah. The first time I saw him win against Luxord, I thought perhaps Luxord was just going easy on him since he’s the boss. But then I saw him playing with Xigbar and cleaning him out. He plays a mean game, our leader.” 

Vexen stared. As he looked on, Xemnas looked up, and it may have been Vexen’s imagination, but he could have sworn that his emotionless boss winked.


	6. The Worst Rivals: Anamnesis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to a few months before the twins are born, exploring the hostility between two nerds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, flashbacks won't be all that common, but there will be a couple more as time goes on.

The Yakuza 13 was full of rivalries. Some were ever-changing, others were rather deep-seated. But they were all quite amicable. Except one. 

“Nincompoop!” 

“Moron!” 

“Stupidhead!” 

“Neanderthal!” 

“Idiot!” 

“Imbecile!” 

Xemnas sighed. Yet another of his meetings had deteriorated thanks to Vexen and Zexion. Thanks to some extreme interventions on his part, the two could handle being in the same room, but if either of them spoke up… The moment either of them had anything to say the other would have a counterpoint proving that whatever the first had said was really dumb. The two of them could turn a perfectly sound suggestion into a ridiculous argument. They would argue back and forth, adding more insults as they went until they resorted to solely using insults, which they could continue until every last person at this meeting table was no more than a skeleton. 

At this point, no one at the table could even remember what had been being discussed. They were too busy either trying to avoid getting involved or purposely getting involved to keep the two from tearing out each other’s throats. Literally. Zexion had put on his gloves and only Lexaeus’s intervention was keeping him from grabbing the wire in his pocket, and if it hadn’t been for some quick action from Xaldin and Saix, who had grabbed hold of Vexen and stripped him of his lab coat, Vexen would have a hefty supply of scalpels. Still, Saix had a black eye from Vexen’s elbow, and Lexaeus had had to readjust his grip after getting bitten. They may have been two of the scrawniest guys among the thirteen, but that wasn’t going to stop either of them from doing some damage. 

Xigbar, being the godsend that he was, finally calmed things down by pulling out a tranquilizer gun and tagging the two troublemakers. They were so invested in their argument that neither of them noticed. It was rather amusing to watch them slump into unconsciousness, fighting to spit out one more insult as they went. Roxas ducked out of the room to call in a couple of the burliest underlings to drag the two back to their offices and lock them in until Xemnas could scold them. If they had any common sense, they would be productive from the time they woke up until then. 

Everyone resumed their places around the table so that the meeting could be called back to order. However, Larxene had a bone to pick, as usual. 

“Why couldn’t you have done that sooner?” she snapped at Xigbar. 

“I forgot I was carrying Betsy with me today,” Xigbar responded. All his guns and crossbows had names. Apparently the tranquilizer he’d used was Betsy. Among his collection he also had Pablo, Archie, Mason, Lena, Michelle, Kiara, Kim, Ron, and of course, his dearest crossbow that he used for all officially claimed Yakuza 13 assassinations, Delilah. 

“Well how about you remember these things a bit sooner, you senile old coot!” 

“Larxene, that is enough. All of you, that is enough. This meeting is over,” Xemnas snapped, and stormed out. 

Xemnas sealed himself in his office and delved into his refrigerator for his stash of dango. It was getting rather low. He’d have to talk to Eraqus about getting some more. It was such an inconvenient comfort food, this dango. Some of the Asian markets here did carry dango, but it wasn’t the right flavor. There was something special about the dango from his and Eraqus’s hometown. Which meant he had to have some sent from their hometown. And unfortunately, there was no one in that town who he was on good enough terms with that he could ask them to send him some. Which meant he had to ask Eraqus, who had to ask the family to send some. He made a mental note to call his uncle, then sat down to chew on his dango and the problem at hand. 

It had all started when Zexion had first joined. After the kid had unexpectedly beaten up their former tech leader, it was up to Vexen to patch the guy up. And Vexen had an unfortunate habit of assessing damage out loud. As he’d been doing so, Zexion had taken offense at Vexen’s report, as he claimed it was inaccurate, and that he knew exactly what injuries he’d caused so Vexen’s insistence that he’d damaged the guy’s coccyx was ridiculous. The two had started arguing right then and there, and somehow it had never been resolved. Furthermore, the two were both very proud, and were unwilling to concede defeat. They began constantly trying to outsmart each other, with equal amounts of failure and success. 

Xemnas once again toyed with the idea of kicking one or both of them out. But they were both invaluable. The loss of either would have an intense negative impact on the gang, and if only one went the remaining one would be insufferable. As always, he decided he had to keep them. 

Xemnas spent the next hour brainstorming ideas to reconcile the two men. He could hand cuff them together and make them spend a day like that, but then neither of them would get any work done because then they’d argue about whose work was more important and therefore should be given priority. He could require that they eat meals together, but that would hardly change anything. They’d probably eat in silence, argue about how one should eat a certain dish, or politely offer to serve the other so that they could “accidentally” spill ketchup and caramel on the food. 

In the end, Xemnas abandoned his brainstorming. It was partly because he wanted to give up in the face of such a hopeless problem, and partly because Xigbar brought in some liquid concoction containing alcohol and a small umbrella which Xigbar insisted would make him feel better. At times like these, he was very grateful to Xigbar. The man could be just as problematic as the rest, but he seemed to understand Xemnas better than even Xemnas himself, and he always came through when it was needed. 

* * *

If you asked anyone in the sixth division what their boss was doing, they’d say he was sulking. If you asked Zexion himself however, that couldn’t possibly be true, as he didn’t sulk. That was such a teenage behavior, and he loathed the idea that he could be so similar to his peers. 

Zexion glared at the screen in front of him, wishing that he had something a little less boring to do at the moment. While he hadn’t exactly joined the Yakuza 13 for glory, the fact that much of his job was completely lacking in excitement could be so frustrating. He had expected that he’d spend his days hacking into government mainframes and then jumping into getaway cars to speed off while the the bullets were flying, and maybe beat up a few overconfident goons along the way. Instead he spent his days watching camera feeds, photoshopping pictures and doctoring data to cover up the Yakuza 13’s trails, transferring data from floppy discs to cd-rom, arguing with Xaldin about budgets, fixing the AC, and, of all things, changing light bulbs. Because apparently all things related to the electrical systems fell under the sixth division’s jurisdiction, so rather than ask Lexaeus the hulking giant who could actually reach the light fixtures unassisted, they came to the sixth squad and laughed as he and his subordinates struggled with the ladder. It was because he was shorter than the other leaders, he was sure of it. It’s not like he was actually short, the others were just too freaking tall. Vexen had probably given them all some sort of hormones or something, and had decided to withhold them from Zexion just because he’d shown Vexen up on their first encounter. At least these days there was Roxas, who actually was below average height, a fact for which Zexion was secretly grateful for. Though at 17, Roxas still had the potential to hit an extreme growth spurt and end up towering over people with normal heights like the rest. 

Some members of the squad walked in, bearing coffee cups. The AC kicked in, blowing cool air through the room. All was quiet. Quiet, and boring as all get out. Maybe he’d do some calculus problems in his head. 

Something on the screen caught Zexion’s eye. A strange figure was approaching the side entrance. He clicked on that camera’s feed, letting it fill the screen. 

Ah it was two people, and he knew them both. The size of the one could only be Lexaeus, and the braids of the other meant it had to be Xaldin. But their movement was odd, and Lexaeus seemed to be hunched over and- 

Oh god. He was bleeding. Lexaeus was hurt. 

Zexion hadn’t made much effort to bond with people here at the Yakuza 13. Who cared if he got along with them? But Lexaeus… well it was hard not to like the big man. They worked together frequently, and Lexaeus was good at respecting a person’s preferences, making it easy to be comfortable around him. He was like the big brother Zexion had never had. 

“Take over,” Zexion barked at one of the subordinates with the coffee, and sent his chair skidding across the floor as he bolted out the door. 

At the bottom of the stairs, Xaldin was just maneuvering Lexaeus’s bulk through the door. 

“Xaldin! What happened? Is he okay? Do you need-” 

“Move!” Xaldin barked. He never was one to mince words, and Zexion respected that. 

“Sorry kid,” Xaldin added a little more kindly. “But you can’t really help right now. He needs to get to the medical wing, and frankly, you’re too small to help me carry him.” As he spoke, a couple of muscular men from the fifth division came scurrying over to assist Xaldin. Zexion started to protest, but the words died in his throat when Lexaeus reached out a hand and patted him on the head. There was blood on the hand, and it left a vivid streak on Zexion’s hair, but he ignored it. There was a bad feeling in his chest, one that he had hoped not to feel ever again. But maybe this time he could do something, and make sure Lexaeus didn’t die. 

* * *

Vexen was planning the week’s menu. He was a little tired, so nothing too fancy. Not by his standards anyways. For some of the others, anything that wasn’t fast food was fancy. The diets of his fellow leaders made him shudder. Especially that Axel, who only ever seemed to eat ice cream. 

A commotion sent Vexen to his feet, and he poked his head out into the hallway to see what was going on. He could see Xaldin and two other trying to settle a patient onto a stretcher. 

“Vexen!” Xaldin bellowed, then looked up and saw him. “Lexaeus got shot!” 

“How many times?” Vexen asked, walking over. He never ran to a patient if he could help it. By walking, he seemed calmer and less flustered, which in turn made the patient think that the wound wasn’t as bad as it was. 

“I’m not sure, I wasn’t there,” Xaldin said. 

“Four, I think,” Lexaeus said weakly. 

“Shut up, damn it!” Xaldin barked. 

“Xaldin, do not yell at my patients,” Vexen said coolly, bending to examine the wound. 

It figured that Vexen would need to operate on someone when his best surgical assistants were all out. One was on maternity leave, another had pneumonia, a third had his arm in a cast because he’d broken it punching a wall because someone from the ninth division dared him to, and others were out to lunch or working day jobs. Right now, aside from him the only people around had basic first aid training only. 

“Vexen, can I assist you for the operation? Please?” Vexen turned to see who the speaker was and had to do a double take. Had Zexion actually used his name just now, and even said please? 

“This is not a matter for an amateur to assist with,” Vexen said coolly. 

“But I can help! Maybe I’ve never operated on a person before, but I know anatomy and I know all the tools and what they do and I can do it. Please!” 

Both Xaldin and Vexen were staring now, unused to seeing Zexion show any kind of emotion. Yet here he was almost in tears and begging. 

“Fine. Follow me. We need to scrub up.” 

Vexen called for some of his squad to come and prep Lexaeus for surgery, then led the way to the washroom where he tied back his hair, put on a surgical gown, and scrubbed his hands and forearms. He then watched Zexion as he did the same. Once the two of them were ready, they went into the operating room. 

Throughout the entire surgery, not one insult was uttered. For all the panic, the wounds weren’t particularly bad, and things went well. Lexaeus would be fine. Even if he hadn’t had a superb doctor such as Vexen, he would have been fine. 

Afterwards, Vexen went to write up a report on the surgery, then went to check on Lexaeus. Zexion was still there, sitting with the man. Vexen hated to admit it, but the boy had been a decent assistant. He did indeed know the tools, and had rather steady hands, even if he did always manage to put them in just the right place that they were completely in the way. 

“Thank you,” Vexen said. It sounded odd, until he realized that Zexion had said the exact same words at the exact same time. 

“Would you like to learn to make vegetarian lasagne?” Vexen asked on a whim. A stare was his answer. 

“I was planning on making that for dinner tonight,” he explained. “Only it makes so much, it would be good to share it. And it would also be good if you ate something other than a TV dinner or food from a can.” 

“I also eat pasta sometimes, idiot.” 

“From a box, I’d assume. You poor pathetic soul. It’s no good unless you make the noodles yourself.” 

“Perhaps if I were as stupid as you and didn’t have to spend my time doing more important things, I’d have enough free time to make meals from scratch too,” Zexion sneered. 

“There’s no correlation between busyness and intelligence, moron,” Vexen replied. 

“Actually-” Zexion began. 

“I don’t want to hear it. Do you want to learn, or not? Because if you do then perhaps we can arrange regular cooking lessons.” 

“Why would you agree to that?” Zexion asked after a moment’s consideration. 

“Because I’d like to know that at least one other person in this organization isn’t doomed to die an early death from clogged arteries or heart failure.” 

“I’m sure you would, but why me? We don’t get along, so why would you consent to spending more time with me, especially if it means lengthening my life expectancy.” 

“Well when you put it that way I do wonder if I’m not making a mistake. But I have noticed that when it comes to learning, you don’t give a damn who your teacher is, so long as you gain new information. Like when the one x-ray machine was on the fritz and you followed the guy you sent to fix it so that you could learn how it worked. He did a horrible job explaining things, and yet you did not get irritated with him.” 

“Did I really?” Zexion considered it a moment more. “Perhaps we should wait until Lexaeus heals though,” he finally said. “Just in case.” 

The two of them shook hands, and went their separate ways. Half-conscious, Lexaeus smiled. There may have been no love lost between those two, but when it came down to it they’d always prioritize work over their feuding. And it wasn’t like there was only hatred there. 

Lexaeus knew both Vexen and Zexion rather well. And he knew how they felt about each other. Vexen disliked that Zexion was arrogant, but also admired and even envied the way Zexion could absorb new information. Meanwhile Zexion was so used to being the smartest person in any given room, that when there was someone who knew more about something than he did, he felt threatened by it and tried to prove his superiority, which was how he’d ended up clashing with Vexen. He’d even conceded to Lexaeus once that he’d realized Vexen had been right in their original disagreement, which frustrated him all the more. 

Vexen and Zexion would probably never be friends. But they weren’t quite the bitter enemies some people thought they were. They just had a higher tendency to clash than most.


	7. Chickenpox: Age - 2

Something was definitely wrong. Sora, the little bundle of seemingly endless energy, was falling asleep at dinner. Sora who had to be wrestled into bed. Sora who practically had to be tied to his chair to get him to sit still. That very Sora was nodding off into his macaroni and cheese. And next to him, Vanitas, who absolutely loved mac ‘n cheese, was staring at his plate and pushing the pasta around with his fork. The same Vanitas who had almost choked on a couple occasions from trying to eat his macaroni in as few bites as possible, who had also been known to throw up his macaroni because he ate it too fast. And yet he had barely eaten three bites. 

If they had had a particularly tiring day, Xigbar could have understood. But when he and Xemnas picked the boys up yesterday from Roxas and Xion, they had been told that the boys had been worn out from a trip to the zoo, and so had agreed to take it easy today. The boys had been lethargic for most of the day, and now this. If the boys weren’t mere toddlers, Xigbar would have wondered if Roxas and Xion had bribed the boys to act this way. 

“Xemnas, I think something’s wrong with the boys,” he told his partner. 

“I’m not cleaning up any vomit,” was Xemnas’s response from the other room. That guy, really. Even as the boss of the 13 he was always letting others do all the work. Not that Xigbar didn’t do that himself sometimes, like when he pushed all his paperwork onto Saix, but in his defense the guy totally asked for it. Quite literally. Okay, so maybe that was because Xigbar deliberately did a bad job and folded it into paper airplanes and origami and spilled coffee on it, but hey, if he asked, he asked and Xigbar certainly wasn’t going to turn him down, that would be rude. 

“They’re acting weird.” 

“Weird how? And if you tell me they’re doing silly things like sticking peas up their noses again, I’ll add another scar to your face. Or perhaps somewhere else, since you’re hideous enough as it is, and we do, unfortunately, have to look at you.” Xigbar rolled his eyes. Trust the boss to make comments like that. His scars were the boss’s fault too, thank you very much. 

“Sora is tired and Vanny’s not eating.” 

“Sora? Tired? You mean he won’t be running amok and getting places he shouldn’t be? Sounds like a miracle to me.” 

“But Vanitas not eating his macaroni?” 

“They eat it so often he’s probably just sick of it.” 

“I’ll call Roxas and see what he has to say.” 

“Oh fine, I’ll prove they’re alright.” Xemnas came stomping into the room, and slapped a hand onto Sora’s forehead. “See, nothing’s-” he paused mid-sentence, his brows furrowing in surprise. “Xigbar get a thermometer.” 

Xigbar complied. He had to search for the key to the medicine cabinet, and the cabinet itself was a horrendous mess, so it took him a while to find the thermometer they kept. Xemnas was actually trying to coax Vanitas to eat when Xigbar returned. 

“Now, now, um, child. Eat up and prove that Xigbar is a foolish, silly, hen-pecking worrywart and there’s nothing to-” Xemnas looked up to see Xigbar in the doorway and left that thought dangling. He cleared his throat, acting innocent. Didn’t he know that after all this time Xigbar could see right through him? 

Both twins were running fevers. Just slight ones, 99.7 and 99.9 degrees each. 

“It’s probably just a cold. We’ll put them to bed and tell Saix and Axel to keep them there and they’ll be perfectly fine in no time,” Xemnas said, trying not to sound worried. While he wasn’t particularly fond of the twins, he didn’t hate them, and that was his equivalent of liking someone. Especially when that someone was less than the legal drinking age. 

Xigbar figured that Xemnas was probably right. When the twins had gotten sick before, their fevers had been higher and symptoms had been more severe. They’d been fine then and they’d be fine now. And besides, in a couple of hours, Saix would be one of the ones taking over, and he knew all the parenting books. 

* * *

The next evening, it was time for the twins’ baths. Axel ran the tub and collected the boys, a much easier task today than usual since they were still less energetic than usual. As he was helping them undress he noticed something strange. A rash. They had rashes on their stomachs, with telltale red spots. Doubtless this explained all the scratching they’d been doing today. 

“Hey Saix,” he called. “Looks like the twins have chickenpox.” 

“Chickenpox. The common name for varicella as I recall. Let me get out some books. If memory serves they all say the same basic things, so I believe the “Guide to Childhood Diseases and Treatments” should suffice. Saix entered the room with a thick tome that he thumbed through until he found the page he wanted. He compared a photo from the book to the twins’ rashes. 

“It seems you are correct,” Saix said finally. Axel snorted. 

“Well duh. Everyone knows what chickenpox looks like. And they’ve been scratching all day, remember? That’s classic chickenpox.” 

“We’re not supposed to let them scratch their pox, according to this. But you are incorrect Axel, not everyone knows what chickenpox looks like.” 

“What, you’ve never seen it before? Oh, I guess you must have gotten vaccinated against it. I forgot that was a thing. My mom just had me catch it so I would build up the immunity the hard way.” 

“Erm, no, I was not vaccinated against it.” 

“What? But how- oh, I know. You must have had it so young you don’t remember.” Axel clapped his hands, proud of himself for figuring out how Saix could be oblivious to this common infection’s appearance. 

“No, I’ve never had chickenpox.” Axel paled. Saix had never had chickenpox or been vaccinated. And adults were at risk for complications if they caught this highly contagious disease. 

“Out, out!” he yelled. “Saix, you can’t be near the twins right now! You’ll catch it!” 

“But chickenpox is harmless. They itch for a while and then their immune systems fight it off and they are fine henceforth. There is nothing to worry about.” 

“Saix, it’s harmless in kids. If an adult catches the chickenpox, which since you’ve never had it or been vaccinated, you can, it’s dangerous. We can’t let that happen.” 

“Oh.” Saix looked a little nervous as he left. Axel prayed that his friend would be all right. Surely he hadn’t caught it. Sure, the twins had been scratching their rash all day, but maybe it’d be fine. 

* * *

Two days later, Lexaeus and Larxene were having problems of their own. The boys were far less lethargic, but still ran slight fevers and had horrible rashes that they didn’t want to stop scratching. And then there was the issue they currently faced. 

“No!” Sora screeched, pushing away his soup. Lexaeus caught it before it fell. He’d had plenty of practice at that. Since Axel had discovered the boys were ill, it had been decided they should eat a diet of soup until they were better. And by now, the boys were fed up with soup. How could the same kids who wanted hamburgers every day be tired of soup after two days? Their guardians hadn’t even been feeding them the same flavors. Yet Lexaeus still was standing in the mess of nearly a dozen upended bowls. He’d had to kick Larxene out after the third bowl ended up in her lap, and didn’t dare put another in front of Vanitas just now. For a two year old, the kid sure had a terrifying glare. And an impressive arm. Lexaeus just wished that arm wasn’t attached to someone who looked like he was ready to commit murder. 

The boys hadn’t had a full meal yet, but Lexaeus decided it would be best to throw in the towel now. Hopefully when he threw in the towel, it would land on the spilled soup and magically clean the mess up without his efforts. But Lexaeus knew the world didn’t work like that, unfortunately. 

As he released the twins, the phone began to ring. He picked up, since Larxene was undoubtedly still too cranky to speak to people. 

“Heeeeeey, Lexaeus, my man.” It was Axel. “Do you happen to have any leftover soup from the twins?” 

“Plenty. They won’t eat it.” 

“I thought they only disliked green vegetables. Did you add some broccoli or something?” 

“No, I think they’re just sick of it.” 

“Heh, sick of it. Good one. Aaaaanywho, would you mind if I stopped by and picked some of that soup up?” 

“Go ahead. Though may I ask why you want it?” 

“Turns out, Saix never had the chickenpox. Until now, that is. So if the twins don’t want the soup, the man needs it.” 

Lexaeus flinched. Getting the chickenpox as an adult? That wasn’t good. 

“Take all you need,” he said, and hung up. 

* * *

No one was surprised when Saix developed complications. After all, when someone won’t rest because “I just need to finish this paperwork, it’ll only take a little bit,” why should it come as a shock if their illness develops into pneumonia? And even when Vexen had diagnosed this, it still took Axel an hour of persuading his friend before Saix would leave his desk. And even then it took some physical persuasion from Lexaeus, Xaldin, and Xemnas to ensure he stayed away from his desk. In the end, it was the threat of letting Demyx look after him as he worked that made Saix accept his fate. No one could be productive with Demyx sitting around, knocking over stacks of finished paperwork so that it needed to be reorganized, playing with desk supplies as if they were airplanes and cars and monsters, building card houses on the desk, and playing his sitar to the accompaniment of singing that was deliberately off-key. Demyx had almost had a career as a musician, but these days he preferred to make a career of being annoying instead. Still, no one could conclude a business deal faster or more favorably to the Yakuza 13. You had to at least give him that. 

Since Saix was in no condition to be looking after the twins, it was decided that his and Axel’s day would be skipped. Axel then spent the day taking care of him, complaining the whole time of how unfair it was because he could look after the boys by himself, and if their roles were reversed they would have trusted Saix to parent alone so why didn’t they trust him, and Saix had probably gotten sick on purpose and why couldn’t he have just requested a vacation like a normal person, etc. If they hadn’t been such old friends (and if Saix hadn’t been as weak as a newborn calf), Saix would have beaten him up. 

Still, Axel had been there for Saix during some really crucial moments. Like when they’d first met. Saix had been taking a beating from someone who wanted the jacket he’d been wearing, when Axel had stepped in and given the guy a clobbering. He’d then proceeded to chew out Saix for getting beaten up so easy when he had the physical advantage. After that, Axel just started hanging around him, and Saix soon learned that Axel was just like that. 

After that, the two had always had each other’s backs. As they got older, they tried to stay clean, but it wasn’t easy given that they were from the slums. But still, Axel’s dad had been in and out of jail all his life, and Saix’s older brother was also doing time, so they both knew what it would mean to go astray. 

It had been in a moment of desperation that Axel had done it. He’d seen a man with a bulging wallet that was sticking out of his coat pocket. It was too tempting, and too easy. Even for someone who didn’t have much experience with lifting items, it was a simple matter to bump into the guy and get the wallet. 

The problem was, the guy wasn’t exactly your average person. He was an important person in the Invisibles gang, and they did not take well to a couple thousand dollars being taken from them, even if it was just pocket change to them. If word got out that someone stole from them, well, they had their image to maintain. 

So Axel and Saix had found themselves being chased by the Invisibles. Which was a rather harrowing experience, as they took pride in being, surprisingly enough, invisible. Axel and Saix would never have lasted if the Yakuza 13 hadn’t been in the midst of battling the Invisibles over territory. While they’d been fighting off some Invisibles who had ambushed them, Xigbar had led some Yakuza 13 members in an ambush on the Invisibles. Xigbar had found them interesting, and had decided to take them under the 13’s wings and train them up a bit. After three years, they’d become leaders in the 13. They were the first ever to rise from being underlings to leadership, though in more recent times Roxas had beat their record for how fast it was done. Of course, Roxas had been recruited for leadership, had had a lot more people to train him, and his training regimen had been a bit more formal than Xigbar saying “beat each other up until you can actually fight good.” 

It was infuriating to Saix, the way Axel wouldn’t let him do anything. He wasn’t being allowed to do any paperwork. Axel insisted on spoon-feeding him, and helping him to the bathroom (though thankfully he was allowed privacy for that one task at least, which led to him taking far more trips to the bathroom than he really needed). It was good of his old friend to be so caring, but this was a bit excessive. 

* * *

“Ugh, when’s Saix coming back to work?” Demyx asked. Like so many of the Yakuza 13 he tended to push his paperwork onto Saix, and he was not enjoying having to do his own stuff. 

“The man is sick!” Axel shot back, grumbling as he fished through a veritable sea of papers for a stapler. He was trying to pick up the slack in Saix’s absence so his friend would be able to rest easy, but it wasn’t working so well for him. 

“Axel!” Xemnas shouted, bursting into Saix’s office. “You idiot, you moron, you complete nincompoop! You did this all wrong! At the rate you’re handling things, we might as well just hand over our territory to all our enemies as you seem to be intent on signing it all off!” 

“Oh come on. I’m not Saix, so of course I’m going to make a few mistakes here and there…” 

“A few mistakes? Here and there?! Even the twins could do a better job of this! Even HE could do a better job of this!” Xemnas gestured to Demyx. 

“Oh sure, I could if it weren’t so boring,” Demyx drawled. 

“Look. I’m still figuring things out, but I can do this.” 

“Well since you’re so fun of memorization, could you at least memorize how to do paperwork properly?! I’ve had it! You are giving me an ulcer and-” 

“Boss, calm down,” Saix said from the doorway. He was wrapped in a blanket and carrying a hot water bottle and two thermoses. 

“Why do you have two thermoses?” Demyx asked. 

“One has soup and the other has tea,” Saix rasped. 

“Dude, you are not okay to be working again!” Axel told him. “You’re not going to get any better like this.” 

“Well I’m also not going to get better sitting at home and worrying about how badly you are mismanaging things. No offense, but you’re not very good at paperwork. I always have to redo yours.” 

“He’ll be fine provided we make sure he’s comfortable as he works,” Xemnas said. “If you’re so eager to help Axel, you can look after him. Make sure his hot water bottle doesn’t get too cool, and that he’s drinking his soup and his tea. And you should probably get some cough drops and tissues. I don’t want him dripping snot all over our documents. 

As if to agree with Xemnas’s suggestions, Saix succumbed to a fit of coughing. 

* * *

After Saix got better, all the parents got together at Sora and Vanitas’s house to have a party. There was cake and balloons and a general feeling of relief that Saix was back on his feet. The twins didn’t quite understand why there was a party, but they enjoyed it nonetheless, with Vanitas and Sora competing to see who could eat the most cake and throwing up as a result. Even as Marluxia- who had drawn the short straw and had to clean up- towed the boys off to change, they were still eager to find out who had won. 

Yes, everyone was healthy again, for better or for worse.


	8. Baby Steps: Age - 2

Most developmental landmarks of the twins Sora and Vanitas led to celebration. When they first began to lift their heads and look around, Lexaeus baked a cake for everyone to share. When they began to sit up on their own, Demyx composed a song and sang it for everyone, not even bother to sing off-pitch for once. When the twins learned to roll over, Xaldin went through three rolls of film in a single afternoon with all the pictures he took of the boys, and while Xaldin was a bit of an amateur photographer, he generally held back on taking too many pictures because of the cost of film and developing. And when the twins learned to crawl, Axel called everyone and was nearly trampled in the stampede of Yakuza 13 leaders who wanted to get to the house and have the twins crawl over to them. Sora obligingly crawled over to each of them in turn, but Vanitas seemed to take immense pleasure in crawling almost to one parent and then making a sharp turn- or so it seemed from the intensity of his giggles as he did so. 

However, some developments did not go quite so smoothly. 

* * *

Roxas was starving. He hadn’t gotten a chance to eat dinner earlier, since he’d been doing his paperwork and then Axel had come and started chatting about things like he always did, and then there had been a sudden “emergency” where someone from the tenth division had dropped their lucky poker chip down a storm drain and Roxas absolutely had to help them get it back because they were participating in a tournament that evening. It was always something with the Yakuza 13. He just needed to wait it out a couple more years and then he could leave. Once he and Xion were done with college, they could leave, except then what about Sora and Vanitas? 

Xion had actually had to go take custody of the twins for the night without him, as he’d needed a shower before heading over to their house. He might have made it on time, but if whoever had been parenting today- Vexen and Marluxia maybe?- saw him in the state he’d been after retrieving the chip, they’d probably ban him from entering the house. But he’d had his shower and gone to join Xion and the twins had already been asleep when he arrived but oh well, he’d see them in the morning, and then Xion had wanted him to read the midterm paper she was working on, and now it was almost 9:30 at night and he had yet to eat anything, and he was going to change that. Just because he’d missed meals before when he was in foster care didn’t mean he was about to do it now when it could be avoided. 

Roxas was about to enter the kitchen when he heard a dragging sound. He froze. Had someone broken into the house? He considered his options: he could attack now even though he was empty-handed and have the advantage of surprise, or he could go upstairs, grab his tonfa, alert Xion, and be ready and waiting for the intruders outside the twins’ room. He was about to go with option two when he heard a grunt. It was not an adult grunt. No, it was a child-sized grunt, the kind a toddler might make. Roxas realized he didn’t have time to go upstairs. The intruders had one or both of the twins and were probably on their way out already! 

It was only as Roxas went charging into the kitchen that it occurred to him that if the twins had woken up to strange people, they would have wailed so loud that they’d be heard back at HQ. But as he realized this, he was already seeing the twins, standing on both feet and trying to maneuver a stool over to the counter. Here were two boys who couldn’t even talk, couldn’t even walk and- scratch that last, they could walk just fine as one of the twins slipped and fell, landing almost a foot away from the stool. He pushed himself up and took the few steps to rejoin his brother. 

Roxas stared at the scene, his jaw hanging open. How- what? He’d seen the twins, just 45 minutes ago, and they’d been upstairs, in their room, fast asleep. Somehow, in the time since he’d last seen them, they’d managed to get downstairs and had contrived to move one of the stools despite their diminutive size. All without getting noticed by him or Xion. 

Roxas sighed and entered the kitchen, scooping up the nearest twin who began to squirm and wriggle. Sora. Vanitas, still on the ground, looked up and saw Roxas standing above him, and his eyes went wide. He gave one of his unintelligible exclamations and ran off. He was slow and ungainly, barely going faster than walking pace for Roxas, but it was still impressive, as Roxas was certain none of the other parents had mentioned the twins so much as standing. There probably would have been a fiesta if they had. 

Right then, Xion came in. She had good reactions, and was able to snatch Vanitas up before he got out of the room. Vanitas immediately began crying, and Sora happily joined in. 

“I just came in to get a drink of water,” Xion whispered, looking shellshocked. Her paper was really stressing her out. 

“Just help me get them to bed and I’ll handle it from there,” Roxas promised. 

Roxas ran through most of his inventory of fairy tales before the twins finally went back to sleep. He made sure their door was closed so they wouldn’t wander any more that night, and made a mental note to report this to Saix so he could send a memo to the others. The twins had learned to walk. As if they weren’t already little disasters. 

* * *

Saix was not inclined to believe what Roxas was telling him. 

“You said the twins can walk?” 

“For the twelfth time, yes, Saix, they can walk.” 

“Impossible.” 

“You’ve said that eight times.” 

“But we have seen no evidence of them learning to stand, no unsteady steps, nothing to evidence that they are learning. And the parenting guides say they shouldn’t be learning to walk for another two weeks!” 

“Well then throw the bloody parenting guides out, because the twins are walking!” Roxas shouted into the phone. 

“Excuse you, mister, but those parenting guides have gotten us through a lot of developmental stages, thank you very much, and despite what you may think you know, you have been just as lost as the rest of us and have relied on those very guidebooks so how dare you suggest I throw them out!” 

Axel, who was hanging out in Saix’s office as was somewhat habitual for him, took the phone. 

“Saix is on the verge of going berserk, and everyone would thank you not to annoy him further. Believe it or not, he actually ruins paperwork if he goes berserk in his office,” Axel said. 

“Okay fine, just get him to send out a memo saying the twins are walking,” Roxas snapped and hung up. 

Within a week the horror stories had multiplied. Xaldin had had to stop the twins from climbing out a window onto the roof when he was cleaning the window screens. Marluxia had to chase the twins out of his garden after he caught them alarmingly close to his foxgloves, as Sora might eat them and Vanitas might feed them to someone. Luxord had to give Sora a band-aid after the twins tried to climb over a poorly-secured baby gate and had it fall on them. Lexaeus had to clean the walls after the twins got into Larxene’s makeup bag and smeared things on every available surface. He also had to stop Larxene from murdering the twins for ruining $200 worth of makeup. Almost all the parents had some story or other. 

The worst part of it all was that the twins only ever seemed to walk when they chose to. When Vexen tried to take them on a walk, they suddenly developed an inability to stand, and became very weepy when he attempted to coerce them into standing. After over an hour of arguing with the toddlers, Vexen finally called Xaldin to come get him and the twins. When Demyx was bragging to the neighbors how the boys had already figured out walking, the twins preferred to crawl rather than show their neighbors their new skill. But if they were told to sit still then suddenly they were on their feet and all over the place. 

Oddly enough, the solution to the problem ended up being Xemnas. After Sora ran into the backs of his legs while running from Vanitas, Xemnas sat down with the twins and had a talk with them. One that, amazingly enough, did not involve threats. 

“Listen, um, you two,” Xemnas began, which was almost fond coming from him. “You need to stop running all over the place. It makes us very angry when you do, so you shouldn’t do it. Just… behave. Got it?” 

Xemnas then patted the twins on the head, which is probably what did it. Xemnas so rarely showed any kind of affection, the twins found it far more terrifying than any kind of threat. They decided to behave. 

Does that mean the twins instantly became a couple of little angels? Not really. They had their moments, sure, but being good all the time is a struggle for anyone, let alone a toddler. But at least the parents were no longer required to take an extra half day off after looking after the twins due to the sheer stress of dealing with a couple of toddlers who were walking into all sorts of trouble.


	9. Parental Names: Age ~ 2

It was a proud moment for the leaders of the Yakuza 13 when the twins began learning to talk. And a confusing one. For Sora had happily said that stereotypical “dada” but he’d said it when both Xaldin and Demyx were around, and it started an argument about who Sora was talking to. They were still arguing about it when Lexaeus and Larxene arrived to take over parenting, and before long it somehow became an issue to all parents: what should they have the twins call them? Because with twelve male parents and two female parents, just “mom” and “dad” would get a little confusing. 

Some of the parents took it upon themselves to tell the boys what to call them. Demyx could be found spending his weekly parenting days trying to coax the boys into saying Daddy-o. None of the others were particularly impressed. Meanwhile, Roxas and Xion fairly easily got the boys to calling them Papa and Mama, and Xigbar succeeded in getting them to call him Dada or Daddy. However most of the other parents continued to be addressed with unintelligible shrieks, and soon resigned themselves to the confusion of all being “dad”s. 

The situation remained as such until the twins were a bit older and had moved beyond babbling to true talking. As expected, they addressed most of their male parents as dad. Except one. 

“Ma,” Sora called from his high chair. Saix did not turn around. “Maaaaaaa.” 

Vanitas sighed. Sora would just keep calling all day. “Ma!” he yelled, and threw his spoon at Saix. For such a small child, he had a good arm, and managed to bounce the spoon off of the back of Saix’s calf. Saix turned. 

“Sora wants you,” Vanitas said. 

“Are you talking to me?” Saix asked. 

“Uh-huh,” the boys nodded. 

“Why are you calling me Ma?” 

“Well we can’t call you Mama because that’s Mama,” Sora said brightly. 

“I think they think you’re a girl,” Axel whispered as he crossed the kitchen to grab some juice from the fridge. 

“But I’m not a girl,” Saix said, his brow furrowing. 

“Well with that pretty hair of yours, you certainly look like one,” Axel wisecracked. 

“Your hair isn’t any shorter, yet I don’t hear them calling you ‘Ma’.” 

Saix spent the rest of the day trying to convince the boys he was a man, but to no avail. He soon found himself permanently labelled Ma, as the other parents found this hilarious. Even when the twins weren’t calling him that, Luxord or Xigbar or someone else was. 

Saix wasn’t the only one burdened by the twins and their naming. The twins soon learned that “father” meant the same thing as “dad”. As such, they decided to try it out. On Luxord. 

“Hey father,” Vanitas said one evening. He had wet the bed again, and was hoping the use of a new name would keep his parents from getting mad at him. Not that they ever did, but one wasn’t supposed to wet the bed. 

Luxord dropped the shot glass he’d been drying, and it shattered all over the floor. 

“Oh no no no no no!” he cried. “I am not a father anymore! I left the priesthood! I am retired from that calling!” 

Luxord made enough noise that a frightened Sora got Zexion. As the two entered the room, Vanitas pointed to the glass fragments. 

“Father broke that.” 

Luxord actually screamed at being called father again. Zexion herded the twins back to their room and closed the door. 

“He doesn’t like being called father. It makes him feel… odd.” 

“Is father a bad word then?” Sora asked with wide eyes. 

“Err…” Zexion was sweating. He was no good at this explaining stuff. Even adults said he made things too complicated. And these were toddlers. “No. It’s just… uh… He thinks you should call Lexaeus father instead. Because, um… Father is for big dads only!” 

“Ohhh,” the twins said, and were satisfied. The next morning they asked Luxord what they should call him, and were told to call him Padre. It stuck. 

The final nickname issue came with Xemnas. It came one evening as the twins were being turned over from Roxas and Xion to Xemnas and Xigbar. 

“Mama, how old are you?” Sora had asked. 

“I’m 20,” Xion replied. The twins stared for a moment, then turned to Roxas. 

“Papa, what about you?” Sora asked, apprehension in his voice. 

“21,” Roxas answered slowly. His birthday had been just a couple weeks previously. 

The twins started to cry. 

“Boys, what’s wrong?” Xigbar asked, coming up. 

“Mama and Papa are old!” Sora bawled. 

“What if they die?” Vanitas asked. 

“Oh please. They’re not that old. For adults, 20 is pretty young.” The twins’ tears subsided, and they stared. 20 wasn’t old? But wasn’t that a big number? It was more than the amount of fingers they had! 

“In fact,” Xigbar continued, “if you want old, look at that guy.” He gestured to Xemnas, who was keeping his distance to avoid dealing with the crying twins. “Why, he’s 35!” The twins’ eyes practically bugged out of their heads. 35? That must be very old indeed! 

In that moment, much made sense to the twins. No wonder Daddy Xigbar always called their other dad who was with him “old man”. They didn’t understand that Xigbar was merely teasing Xemnas for certain personality traits that Xigbar claimed belonged to an old man. 

As Xemnas walked up, the twins waved hello. 

“Hi old man!” Sora said cheerfully. 

Xemnas stopped in his tracks. 

“Don’t you dare call me that again,” he said quietly. “Don’t you ever call me ‘old man’. I am not your old man. I am someone you should respect, and thus you may call me ‘sir’. Got it? ‘Sir’.” The twins nodded. They were a little afraid of this dad. If he said to call him “sir”, they would do it. 

In the end, the other parents got their nicknames as well. Xaldin became “pop”. After spending a day at Vexen’s clinic and hearing him referred to as “Dr. Vexen”, Vexen became “Doc”. Axel earned himself the nickname of “Pappy”, while Zexion kept “Dad”. And finally, Marluxia and Larxene eschewed the usage of parental terms, instead becoming “Mar” since the twins couldn’t manage the full “Marluxia”, and “Lady” since “Lady Larxene” was too long. 

And thus, the fourteen parents and their two boys got used to the new names.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place over the course of a few months. The twins do not instantly figure out how to speak in full sentences, we just failed to show the time lapse well.  
> Also, Xigbar is older than Xemnas in this AU. As are Xaldin, Vexen, Lexaeus, and Luxord. But the twins don't need to know that.


	10. Spare Time: Age - 3

Things were quiet in Xemnas’s office. Too quiet. On any given day he could hardly get more than 10 minutes of peace in here, since inevitably someone would come knock on the door to tell him some piddling detail or other. They bugged him so much with the small stuff. He did have twelve other leaders for a reason, and yet they still wanted to report directly to him about this successful robbery or that drug deal or their buddy who just committed a murder who would be such a great asset to the gang. Robberies should be reported to Xaldin for the accounts, and if they wanted praise for it they ought to go to Larxene, though she’d probably just tell them everything they could have done better since she was hard to please. Drug deals didn’t concern Xemnas either; again, Xaldin would want to know for the accounts, and Demyx and Marluxia were the ones who handled trading matters. As for someone joining because they committed a murder, Xemnas rarely concerned himself with recruitment, and he didn’t see how one murder qualified someone for recruitment. If it was creatively done, Xigbar or Marluxia might be impressed enough to welcome the person in, but most likely whoever was recommending them just wanted to help them get off the murder charges, and Xemnas’s uncle would throw a fit if he had to create a defense for them, Xaldin would throw a fit if they spent money on bribes, especially for an unproven newbie, and Xemnas liked to save the blackmail material Axel was always providing him with. 

Yet here Xemnas was, in his office, and undisturbed for the past hour. He’d actually been able to finish his tea while it was hot, and a second cup as well. There were no trivial interruptions, no sudden emergencies, and it made Xemnas nervous. So nervous, in fact, that he decided to go check and make sure that everyone hadn’t died in a miraculously silent raid by an enemy gang. 

Xemnas’s first stop was Xigbar’s office. His second-in-command wouldn’t get killed easily, and was also his most trusted associate. They might even be friends, though Xemnas had forgotten long ago just what being friends was like. If Xemnas was just being paranoid, Xigbar would surely be able to help him past it. 

Xigbar’s office was empty when Xemnas arrived. That in and of itself wasn’t all that surprising. Xigbar was one of the squad leaders who was so rarely in his office that Saix tended to use the space as extra storage. It had also been suggested on more than one occasion that Xigbar share an office with some of the others, namely Axel, Demyx, Luxord, and Larxene. This was shot down however, when none of the others wanted to share a space with Larxene, Larxene didn’t want to be outnumbered four-to-one, and Demyx protested out of fear for his beloved instruments, which he often left in his office. So when Xigbar was not in his office, Xemnas was not unduly worried- or at least, he wouldn’t have been if he weren’t already tense due to the lack of activity in the building. It was abnormal that he hadn’t seen anyone on his way here. 

The next place he checked was Xigbar’s favorite sniping spot in the main lobby. But Xigbar wasn’t there either. He tried the shooting range as well, but it too was empty. Finally, he got out his walkie talkie and switched it to Xigbar’s channel. 

“Xemnas to Xigbar, what is your current status?” he asked. 

There was silence and Xemnas began to fear the worst. 

“Goddamnit old man! You just ruined my streak! Now I’ll never hear the end of it from these little punks, just because they managed to tag my hair. It still doesn’t count!” The last sentence was spoken away from the walkie talkie, but at a volume as if Xigbar were yelling across a room. 

“I’m sorry?” 

“Paintball old man, paintball. I’m holding a squad training. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to be able to sneak up on them without you giving my position away.” 

Xemnas made a mental note to have a talk with Xigbar about his rudeness, then decided against it. Xigbar had surely earned the right to be disrespectful, unlike some of the others. Except Xemnas had gotten used to the disrespect of some of his underlings, who may not have any right to it but who were, for the moment, indispensable. Though that was largely because there was a disappointing lack of ambition among the lower ranks. All twelve of his squad leaders had remained unchallenged for years, and it was rather disappointing. 

While the question of where Xigbar’s squad was had been answered, Xemnas still had eleven other squads to account for. He decided to check on Saix next. Saix was rather reliable, very rarely noisy, and did actually stay in his office most of the time. But when Xemnas arrived at Saix’s office, he found that this was not most of the time, as Saix was conspicuously absent. Xemnas did rejoice to find Saix’s schedule on his desk, but the box for every leader was blank. 

Panicked, Xemnas switched to Saix’s channel on the walkie talkie. 

“Saix, where are you?” he barked. 

“Hm? Oh, Captain Saix went to the stationery store.” 

“Who is this? Is this-?” Xemnas searched for the name of Saix’s second, but was drawing a blank. “Er, nevermind. Are you a member of the seventh squad?” 

“Yes sir. Say, would you like to come join us? We’re having a yoga session. Though right now we’re on break since the captain’s out. But he should be back in ten minutes or so, so you’ll have just enough time to get changed. And don’t worry about a mat, we have extras.” 

“No thank you,” Xemnas said. He didn’t do yoga. Or tae bo or jazzercise, or any of those ridiculous trendy fitness crazes. He switched the radio back to his channel, then contemplated his next move. He could check with Xaldin, who had been with him for a long time and was usually in his office this time of day. Or perhaps Vexen, who rarely did any field work and was almost always in the medical wing somewhere. Or maybe he should be checking on the person most likely to be endangered: Roxas. The kid was doing pretty well, but he was the newest, the youngest, and the smallest, not to mention he was the head of the unlucky thirteenth division. While members of the squad didn’t seem to have any problems, Xemnas had gone through a dozen thirteenth leaders before Roxas took over. All of them until Roxas had, without fail, gotten into accidents or fallen unexpectedly ill, most not even lasting a full year. 

Xemnas had barely considered this option when his cell phone rang. He hated the thing, but Zexion insisted there were benefits to all the leaders having them, and had even managed to convince Xaldin that the expense was worth it. 

“Hello?” 

“Yo, Xem. Captain Hook here.” Captain Hook was one of Xemnas’s police contacts. He was about as crooked as they came, and a pain in the rear. Xemnas didn’t know of anyone who genuinely liked the man. 

“What do you want, Hook?” 

“Oh I just wanted to know how come there’s some of your kids running around the city climbing up buildings and signs and shit.” 

Well, at least now he wouldn’t have to waste time going to Roxas’s office to check if he was in there, since clearly he wasn’t. Without answering Hook, Xemnas hung up the phone and once again switched channels. 

“Roxas, Hook’s complaining about whatever it is you’re doing, so please explain.” 

“Easter egg hunt! Whoever collects the most gets treated to a meal by whoever gets the least!” Roxas responded, sounding a little out of breath. 

“Right. Carry on,” Xemnas sighed. 

Xemnas didn’t bother to call Hook back. He just hoped it wouldn’t lead to a lawsuit, as he imagined his uncle would be furious if he had to help settle any charges pressed for an Easter egg hunt, especially if it meant his brother-in-law was in trouble. It saddened Xemnas sometimes, how these days he seemed unable to do any right in his uncle’s eyes. 

His next stop was the medical wing, since it sounded like someone might get hurt in Roxas’s little Easter egg hunt. As long as it wasn’t the leader himself, then Xemnas didn’t really care. But it had been hard to find someone to take leadership of the thirteenth squad, to the point that Roxas had been recruited specifically for leadership despite having very little weapons training when he joined the Yakuza 13. Replacing him would be almost impossible, not to mention Eraqus would never let him hear the end of it. 

Xemnas had no trouble finding Vexen, as he was in the triage room at the entrance to the medical wing. So was what appeared to be the entirety of the fourth division, though Xemnas couldn’t really be sure. Saix, as head of all things paperwork, would know more about personnel numbers than he did. Still, there was a large crowd of people who seemed to be having a party with games spread out around the room, including but not limited to glove volleyball, pin the organ on the body, and speed stitching. 

“Xemmas, sir!” Vexen said with a slight slur. He staggered up and put an arm around Xemnas’s shoulders. Xemnas didn’t shrug him off, mainly because he suspected it was less out of a lack of restraint or camaraderie and more as a means to remain standing. Vexen really had no alcohol tolerance whatsoever. 

“Sorry sir. Finkelstein spiked the the punch. We tried to stop him, but, well, I guess we really could have- and should have- tried a little harder,” an underling said, rushing up to take charge of his squad leader. 

“I would appreciate it if you would try to sober him up,” Xemnas instructed. “The thirteenth is having an Easter egg hunt that may be a little on the dangerous side.” 

The underling’s “yes sir” was drowned out by Vexen saying loudly “you should really join us! It’s a lotsa fun!” 

“No thank you. I have you worry about all these medical matters so that I don’t have to. If I may, what is the reasoning behind this party?” he asked the underling. 

“Oh, it wasn’t meant to be a party, sir. It just kinda became one. We were scheduled to have a training day, and we’ve done dissections every training for the last dozen trainings and really we all needed a break. Even the captain is getting sick of them. Plus we’re running low on dissection cadavers, and won’t get more until next month. Apparently the local schools have gotten the company we get them from out of stock or something. Though some say it’s because we order so many and it makes them nervous.” 

“I see.” Xemnas left without further ado. While it bothered him that no one tried to dethrone his squad leaders, he did have to admit that any new faces on his senior staff would be quite troublesome to him, as he had grown rather comfortable with the twelve he had. And also then he’d have to figure out whether the new leader would be expected to assist in raising Sora and Vanitas, and if the deposed leader was still alive, would they still be involved in the lives of the twins. 

Next Xemnas decided to see if anyone at all was in their work space aside from Vexen. He was not the least bit surprised to find that Axel, Luxord, Larxene, Marluxia, and Demyx were all absent; Demyx in particular was not a surprise because even the members of his squad had a hard time remembering the last time they saw him in the ninth division’s section area. He was mildly nonplussed at the absence of Lexaeus and Xaldin, as the two were both very good about being available, but they also did have a tendency to take on fieldwork of their own fairly regularly. Lexaeus in particular claimed that he couldn’t let his squad members have all the fun. 

What didn’t shock Xemnas at all was that the last office he checked was occupied. At first glance, the sixth division, headed by Zexion, looked the same as on any given day. Almost everyone in the room was glued to a screen. Xemnas almost walked away without saying anything. But then he heard a groan, and one of the underlings complained “No way! I designed that boss to be all but impossible to beat, and yet you just destroyed him in just over a minute! Are you even human, sir?” 

“Well there’s your problem. Rather than all but, you should have made it simply impossible to beat. Then it might have actually taken a while. And I thought you said you were going to start calling me ‘my lord’ if I could beat that,” Zexion replied, handing over a video game controller to an underling and pushing off with his feet so that the wheels of his chair carried him backwards across the floor to another terminal, where he asked “you finished your programming yet, or do I need to give you a bit more time?” 

“Wait, the whole ‘my lord’ thing was serious?” the underling protested. 

“How could you think it wasn’t when he’s seriously making Clu call him ‘oh great and mighty heavenly technology god’?” another underling asked. 

“Hey Kevin, this one’s two player? Wanna join?” Zexion asked, already picking up yet another controller. 

“No thank you. I leave the gaming to you youngsters. Besides, I think you have a visitor,” said the underling who had pointed out the seriousness of the new titles. 

“Who-?” Zexion began, swiveling his chair. He paled when he saw Xemnas, and jumped to his feet. 

“Boss! I wasn’t um, expecting…” he trailed off then hissed out of the side of his mouth “Sark! I thought I told you to keep an eye on the monitors!” 

“Huh, wha-” someone said, looking up from where he was engrossed in a monitor. “Oy! Captain! The big boss is here!” 

“I’ve noticed.” 

“Let me guess. This is somehow training,” Xemnas said. 

“As a matter of fact yes. We’re working on programming right now. Though we did do a brief photoshop session earlier. I could show you the results, but I’m afraid some people within this division have rather questionable senses of humor and so you may not like them, particularly that one of you as a woman, even though it was actually quite well done and-” 

“Sir, you really don’t know when to shut up,” the older underling, Kevin, said. 

“You know what? At this point, I don’t really care. Though I would recommend that any strange and unnatural photos of myself disappear before tomorrow. Understood?” 

“Yes sir,” Zexion said, looking rather embarrassed. 

“Good. Now since I’m here, you wouldn’t happen to know where the others are?” 

“I can find that out right now. Who are you looking for?” 

“Xaldin, Lexaeus, Axel, Demyx, Luxord, Marluxia, and Larxene.” 

“Well Lexaeus did say he was going to be doing a joint training with Larxene in on of the gymnasiums. As for the others…” 

“That’s good for now. I’ll call when I need to know where the others are.” 

The first gym that Xemnas checked was indeed occupied, but not by either the fifth or twelfth divisions. Xemnas might not have checked in that particular room, as it was one of the smaller gyms, but he felt obligated to look inside when he heard the strains of music coming from inside. He entered and found himself momentarily blinded as the room was lit only by the light reflected off a disco ball and by the screen of the karaoke machine the ninth division had set up. 

“Demyx!” 

“Yo,” Demyx replied cheerily. Xemnas took a deep breath and tried to compose himself. Demyx was always like this. He was an extreme slacker most of the time, preferring to play his guitar or sitar or whatever instrument have you rather than do his paperwork or answer his phone or radio. The only reason anyone doubted that he was the worst leader ever to join the ranks of the Yakuza 13 was that when he did get to work, he got so much done that his estimated efficiency for those times was at 98%, somehow balancing his overall efficiency to around 73%. 

Even knowing what Demyx was like, Xemnas was quite irritated. He kept catching his leaders and their squads goofing off today. At least the others could be considered useful for their work. The second squad handled public assassinations and merc work. They did a lot of shooting and being shot at, so paintball was very useful for them. Yoga may not have anything to do with the paperwork that usually occupied the lives of the members of the seventh division, but at least Saix himself was being productive by restocking supplies at the stationery store. And then the thirteenth was responsible for scouting and capture of anyone who betrayed the gang. From Hook’s complaints, it seemed that this hunt of Roxas’s was helping his members test their speed and their knowledge of the city. The fourth division was refreshing their anatomical knowledge, and the sixth division was working as well. But Xemnas could not see any feasible connection between karaoke and the ninth squad’s responsibilities of diplomacy, recruitment, and the occasional acquisition of obscure goods. 

“Demyx, did Xaldin approve of you buying a karaoke machine?” 

“This? Naw, I’ve had this for years. Now sh. Esmeralda’s about to sing, and I swear she’s got a voice like a fallen angel. You’ll totally get chills.” 

“I don’t care. What on earth made you think this is acceptable? It’s bad enough that you never work, but to stop all work in your squad for this?!” 

“Woah, woah, woah. Chillax, dawg. We’re just-” 

“I am not ‘dawg’. And if you aren’t careful, you won’t be a captain soon, either.” 

“Look, big- sir. It’s just a little team building. ‘Sides, after that treaty I drew up with Commantis and Leechgrave, we’re good for a little while. Might as well use the peacetime to relax since we all know it won’t last long.” 

“Well I will still ask Saix to arrange for you to work under Vexen for a day.” 

“Aw, but siiiiiiiirrrrrrrrr.” 

“No buts. Good day.” 

At least now Xemnas understood how everyone could be so laid back today. And indeed, Demyx had done a good job negotiating that particular treaty. But one should always be on their guard. Even if the nearest gangs were on good terms with the Yakuza 13, there were still plenty of others who might try and attack. Not to mention one could never be certain when Xehanort would show up. Xemnas shuddered at the thought of his father and headed to the next gym. He opened the door and was nearly knocked aside by a falling person, who apologized profusely and kindly pointed him to where Larxene was standing on top of one of the many bunkers that had been set up around the floor, cackling maniacally. Xemnas made his way over, having to dodge two people and sending a third flying for trying to tackle him. 

“Larxene,” he said in greeting. 

“Xemnas.” 

“I take it you’re trying to steal something and the fifth squad is trying to defend it.” It was the logical assumption, as Lexaeus was head of security for the Yakuza 13. His men patrolled the streets, keeping an eye out for enemy gangs infringing on their territory, and also did guard work as necessary. Meanwhile, Larxene’s squad had a hand in all theft in the Yakuza 13’s territory, could scrounge up the blueprints for any building, and assisted in security by finding the flaws as soon as they appeared. They did these kind of joint training exercises fairly regularly. 

“Capture the flag, yup. We’re winning, obviously.” 

“Hm. But I don’t see Lexaeus anywhere, and he’s rather hard to miss.” 

“Oh we’re both sitting this round out. Trying to make it fair, y’know? And also we want an accurate reflection of whose squad needs more work. My people are good, but they all think that Lexaeus does voodoo ever since someone saw him sewing teddy bears for the twins.” 

A small lad climbed up next to them and pulled a cloth out of his shirt, holding it up to make it visible. 

“Nice job Abu. I might have to make you my new second if you keep this up. Just don’t fuck up and cause me to break a nail like the last guy. Or mess with an electric fence like the idiot before him, which, why did I ever even make that guy my second in the first place? He was such a piece of shit.” 

“I wouldn’t know, Ms. Larxene. I wasn’t here back then,” Abu replied, jumping to try and make the flag more visible as no one had really noticed he had it yet. 

A grunt notified them that Lexaeus was hoisting himself up. 

“Need a little help there dear?” Larxene asked. 

“Nope. I’ve got it,” Lexaeus replied, and gained his feet. He then picked up Abu and lifted the youth up, holding him high above his head. 

“Alright folks, game over!” he bellowed. “The flag has been captured, and you knuckleheads had better think long and hard about everything that went wrong and how to fix it, because if the twelfth squad can get past us, so can our enemies!” 

Abu looked terrified as Lexaeus put him down. 

“So what can we do for you sir?” Lexaeus asked. 

“I am checking up on all divisions,” Xemnas said. 

“Ah, it does feel good to get out of the office, doesn’t it?” 

“It would feel better to know that I am not paying you all to waste your time. I don’t suppose you know where I could find Xaldin, Axel, Luxord, or Marluxia would you?” 

“Axel and Luxord I can’t help you with, but Xaldin’s squad went to the park for some training, and Larxene can probably tell you where to find Marluxia.” 

“Mar? Oh he’s just next door,” Larxene said. 

“Thank you.” Xemnas bit back a sarcastic comment about the building’s current security situation and headed off. He’d already scolded the sixth division, so they were sure to have made sure the camera feeds were being monitored again. 

When Xemnas arrived in the next gym, he realized that if Marluxia was here he’d just have to take Larxene’s word for it. It was usually fairly easy to spot Marluxia, since he was not a small man and he tended to keep his hair rather long and rather pink. But nobody here had the pink locks Xemnas was accustomed to, and he felt a little lost looking at the array of people. 

A nervous looking man sidled up to Xemnas. 

“Good afternoon, sir,” the man said in Marluxia’s voice. 

“Er, what is going on?” Xemnas asked. 

“Disguise contest. The goal is to not be recognizable. We all have a number, and we go and introduce ourselves and everyone writes on a ballot who they think we really are. So far it’s been rather disappointing though, as I’ve recognized everyone. Clearly we need some work.” 

“I see.” And Xemnas actually did, which was rare when he talked to Marluxia. The man was very mysterious and cryptic in general, and especially so to Xemnas who did not understand subtlety well. It did make sense that Marluxia would have his squad working on disguises, as they were responsible for undercover work as part of their duties supplying the Yakuza 13 with everything they needed and carrying out the more quiet assassinations. 

“Well then, if you’ll excuse me.” Marluxia walked off, and Xemnas wondered if he’d just been dismissed by a subordinate, and if he should be outraged or not. He decided against it. He just didn’t know how to deal with this guy. 

Rather than try to figure out where Luxord and Axel had gotten off to, Xemnas took the short walk to the park, pausing to buy lunch from a steamed buns vendor whose entire business flourished based on the fact that Xemnas loved those buns, which made them popular among the rest of the Yakuza 13 as a result. As he continued on his way, Xemnas noticed movement on the roof of a nearby building, and looked up to see members of the thirteenth squad scurrying towards something, and one person swooping down and triumphantly holding something up as they ran from the others. 

At the park, Xemnas saw Xaldin’s men everywhere- running the park’s own fitness course, clambering over an inflatable obstacle course, climbing walls, crawling under nets, running through tires, and much more. Xemnas wondered how long it had taken to set everything up. He made his way over to where Xaldin was standing, observing it all and not looking impressed. 

“Sir,” Xaldin said as Xemnas walked up. 

“Interesting training you’re doing with your squad.” 

“For debt collection. Sometimes we get runners, and no matter how fast the thirteenth division is they won’t get there fast enough unless they’re on standby from the beginning. We need to be able to give chase, and without being hindered by doors slamming in our faces and trash cans being knocked over. And also I can’t let them get to thinking that just because we’re the gang’s bookkeepers that they can go getting soft. Which seems to be just what they’re doing.” 

Xemnas sometimes wondered if Xaldin was aware of the fact that he wasn’t in the army anymore. He was known as one of the toughest leaders to work for, with his surprise inspections and fitness exams, and his squad vied for the highest turnover rate in the Yakuza 13, with a large amount of people requesting transfers out. Still, those who toughed it out were very loyal to Xaldin, very respectful of Xemnas, and very good at their jobs. 

Roxas dropped down from a tree. 

“Oh, the vendor’s out today? Great, I’m starving. And I bet Xion and the boys would like buns too,” he said, noting Xemnas’s lunch. 

“All finished?” Xemnas asked him. 

“Just about. There’s still three more eggs out there, but I told Chess where they are, so if no one finds them he can collect them. I was just gonna shower and then head back, since I don’t want Xion to be alone with the boys all day. They’re pretty good about listening to her, but you know those two. They can be a bit much.” 

“Especially Vanny,” Xaldin agreed. “Remember last month when he decided he wanted to be a shark and was biting everything?” 

“Thank god we stopped that,” Roxas agreed. 

“While you two are here, do either of you know where Axel and Luxord are?” Xemnas asked. 

“Well Axel said something about a surprise for tonight,” Roxas said, thinking. “And Luxord… I think I saw him outside that one bar he goes to. Royal Port or whatever.” 

“Port Royal,” Xaldin corrected. 

“Yeah, there. Though I was kinda high up so it may have been someone else.” 

“Right. I think I’ll try checking there,” Xemnas said, and headed off. 

When Xemnas arrived at Port Royal, a sign on the door said there was a private event inside. Xemnas pushed the door open, and entered in time to hear “I’m having so mu- oh. Uh, captain?” 

Luxord had been facing away from the door but turned and said “oh bugger.” 

“I take it I am not welcome here,” Xemnas said. 

“Not that. Just, no offense sir, but you kinda scare people, and people don’t laugh when scared, and so no one will ever win the game with you around.” 

“The game?” 

“Yes, we’re playing ‘I’m having so much fun’. It’s a game Barbossa learned in drama class, where you say ‘I’m having so much fun’ while doing something silly, and everyone has to copy you and say the same thing without laughing. We had to switch to this since people were complaining that ‘Honey I love you’ was getting too inappropriate.” 

“I won’t even ask what that is.” 

“A similar game. The idea is to help everyone practice their poker faces. If they can keep a straight face when people are being this ridiculous, then they can keep a straight face for a simple game of cards, or when spreading some of our more ludicrous propaganda. We’ve been having a bit of problems with that recently, with certain individuals giggling as they tell people about the latest rumors. Nothing like that to make people question the source, and we really can’t have that.” Xemnas had his doubts that this was the sole reason Luxord had chosen the day’s activities for his squad, but at least everyone was fully dressed, so he’d let it go. The tenth division spent their days at casinos, gambling to generate extra income for the Yakuza 13 and spreading rumors to enhance the gang’s reputation. They also handled the basic training of all new members, making sure they were proficient in basic fighting and weapons before sending them on to shadow the different squads and choose one to join. 

The door opened, and Saix walked in. 

“Oh good. You’re both here. Axel has asked me to deliver these.” 

Saix handed over two fancy invitations. They opened their invitations to find that the eighth squad would apparently be holding a fireworks display that evening. 

“My god, doesn’t he ever get tired of fireworks?” Luxord asked. “And it’s only April. It’s still cold at night!” 

“No he doesn’t get tired of fireworks. And his squad made these ones, not him,” Saix sighed. 

“I thought you said God doesn’t exist,” a nearby tenth division member said, and Luxord flushed. 

“It’s an expression, not an actual sign of belief!” he protested. No one bothered to point out how much more convincing he’d be if he weren’t clutching his crucifix as he said this. 

Xemnas debated whether or not to try and find Axel. But since he now knew what the man was up to, what would be the point? Besides, he didn’t really like explosives, on account of the time he’d spent living with his father. He was no longer afraid of them, but he’d keep his distance all the same. 

* * *

That evening, everyone met at the same park where Xaldin’s squad had been training. Despite all the equipment that had been there that afternoon, the park had been cleared and was now spotless, with not even a single bit of litter to be seen. The various squads mingled, discussing what they had been up to that day. The only people absent were Zexion and Luxord, who had both opted to stay with the twins rather than show up for the explosions. 

The show started out mediocre, but got better as it went on, as the newbies went first and more experienced people went later on, though even some of the more experienced people messed up due to over ambition. Fortunately most of the failures simply fizzled out or exploded where they were, though one badly rooted rocket did send a few audience members scurrying and made Xemnas very glad that the twins were not actually present, because imagine if they had been hit by that rocket or crushed in the stampede. 

The finale of the show was an array set off by Axel and his second. It was clear that there was a competition of some sort between the two, as they kept bringing out bigger and bigger bangs until finally Axel set off a flare that left everyone’s jaws hanging open, and the second grumbling as he pressed a twenty-dollar bill into Axel’s waiting hand. 

After the applause, Xemnas called the leaders in for a huddle. 

“I’m glad you all took the time today to spend some time with your squads honing certain skills. However, tomorrow, I fully expect to find everyone at work as usual, or else I’ll have a new batch of captains. Dismissed.” 

As everyone wandered off and someone went to call the twins’ house to let the absentee captains know, Xemnas headed back to headquarters, and down to the garage where he’d left his car. Once he was seated in the driver’s seat with his seatbelt on, he allowed a smile to make its way onto his face. When he got home, he’d have to call his uncle and tell him all about his subordinates and their latest antics. Who knew, Xemnas might even laugh when he did.


	11. Stranger Danger: Age - 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: abduction. Please read carefully  
> Other warnings: dramatic situations involving small children, small children behaving extremely maturely for their age for plot reasons

Just about every gang or mob or group of thugs this side of the country had heard of the Yakuza 13, and even in other countries they weren’t exactly an obscure group. They were not a bunch that you should even consider messing with. At least, they hadn’t been. 

Recent years had brought some rumors. Like when they accepted a woman as one of their upper echelons. A woman! Sure that worked fine in small time gangs, but when you were a globally known syndicate? Organized crime was a man’s world, and a woman had no place there. 

And there had also been rumors of them accepting teenagers as well. Not just one made the ranks, but two, and with another two that were only just out of their teens! It was ridiculous! Absurd! People had their doubts. However, they were still the 13, and they still wrought havoc with reckless abandon; even the woman and the young whippersnappers. 

But then came the final straw. They’d heard of the top dogs of the Yakuza 13 toting around children. The first rumors had been hard to believe. Who would take heed of a story featuring the number three man of the group, Xaldin, carrying around babies while making his runs? No one would give such a tale any credence. Or at least, they wouldn’t until they heard about the group terrorizing a daycare, and being spotted giving toddlers piggyback rides, and chasing down ice cream trucks (not that those rumors were anything new. Axel had long been well-known to ice cream men for miles). And soon the whispers increased. Had the 13 really adopted two little boys? 

Those 13? Never. They had orchestrated amazing heists without even breaking a sweat. They had wiped out the Shadow Stalker group without it ever making the papers (though of course every self respecting gang knew about it). They had a hand in just about every aspect of crime you could think of, and they did it better than anyone else. They had no soft spots. And they certainly didn’t have anything to do with children. 

And yet… 

Many nearby groups began to see this as an opportunity. A soft Yakuza 13 would lose ground, perhaps even be taken out. And whoever took them out would surely achieve global renown. This was the chance of a lifetime, was it not? 

Most groups were cautious. They tested the waters, encroaching on 13 territory with reluctance, expecting repercussions immediately. But that was most groups. The group Twilight Thorn though? No. They were bold. They’d been itching to take over the 13 turf for years, and they weren’t going to mess this up. If the 13 were getting soft and had taken in children, then those children were the key to victory. The children weren’t a sign of weakness, they were a weakness. 

* * *

“So-ra, come on. We didn’t sneak past Dad to stop just a block away! Let’s go-o-o.” The twins weren’t even a block away from their home, but at three years old, Vanitas didn’t actually know how far a block was. He’d simply heard it used and figured out it was a distance. 

“Oh, right! We were gonna go get some flowers for Mama!” Sora was far more easily distracted than his brother. He had seen a bug and gotten distracted as the two raced down the street, exhilarated at the success they’d had in getting out of the house. While Zexion was easy to sneak past when he was reading, Luxord often managed to catch them before they actually escaped. Last time they’d made it as far as the front door, but then they’d had difficulty opening it and had gotten caught. But today luck was in their favor. Luxord had been called away on business, and he hadn’t properly closed the door. 

While Vanitas didn’t mind picking flowers for Xion, he had grander plans in mind. He was going to lead his brother on an adventure. They were going to explore the wilds, and walk a mile, and if possible they’d find their way to the park and back to show their parents that they could. Sora may still act like a baby sometimes, but Vanitas was a big boy now. He’d prove it. 

The two boys toddled along the sidewalk. Despite Vanitas’s belief in his greater maturity, he too made many stops to kick pebbles, or blow on leafs, or search bins for treasure, or stare at the fascinating things of the world, like the sprinkler systems that they ran through. 

The twins did fairly well for their three years. They walked for a good 45 minutes. With all their pit stops, they didn’t get very far, but they were exhausted. They should be almost to the park, right? 

Wrong. They had gone the opposite direction of the park. And even if they had gone the right direction, they had not gone very far at all. What they didn’t know was that they had gone far enough. 

“I’m so thirsty,” Sora complained. 

“Well I’m thirstier.” 

“Nuh-uh! I’m so thirsty I could drink the ocean!” 

“Yeah, well I could drink two oceans!” 

“Can not!” 

“Can too!” 

As the two argued, a man approached. He had been uncertain at first, but the two had given him an idea. 

“Good afternoon, gentlemen,” he said. 

The boys realized he was talking to them and perked up. He was using big words, which meant he thought they were big boys. 

“Hullo!” Sora said cheerfully, waving even though the man was already right next to them. “Do you have any juice boxes?” 

Perfect. The man hadn’t been sure how to bring that up. But this boy was giving him all the right opportunities. 

“Why, yes I do. They’re in my car. Why don’t you come with me and get some?” 

Sora jumped to his feet, eager to get a drink. “Come on Vanny!” 

“I’m too tired,” Vanitas complained. 

The man was a little worried. He’d meant to get both kids. But he supposed they only needed one to make the 13 cave. So he led Sora off to the van they’d driven out here. 

“Where’s the juice?” Sora asked. His mind was rather paradoxical- although he had a short attention span most times, at others he had a one-track mind and would worry an idea like a dog with a bone. This was one of the latter times. 

“In the van,” the man said. 

Because Sora and Vanitas were not yet allowed out of the house unsupervised, the 13 had yet to give them any talks about stranger danger. Yet some part of Sora’s mind had its doubts in this moment. He didn’t like that van. He wasn’t getting in, even for juice. 

“Can I have some please?” he asked, taking a step back. The man opened the door and indicated the back seat, which wasn’t visible from outside. 

“Um, actually, maybe I’m not that thirsty after all…” Sora said. The man lunged for him. He managed to slip away and raced for the place where he’d left his brother. 

“Vanitas! Vanitas!” he screamed. He was unable to yell anything else before the man scooped him up. He squirmed, struggling to get away from the man, but then there was a cloth over his face and he swooned. 

Vanitas heard his name being called and looked up to see his brother being grabbed by the juice-man. His brother was in trouble. 

Well so what? Sora was the baby. Their parents would let Vanitas get all the snacks and go out by himself and so who needed Sora, and- 

Their parents. If he came home by himself they wouldn’t be so proud of him anymore. They’d yell at him. All of them. Thanks to Uncle Eraqus, he knew that big kids like Terra and Aqua and now him were s’posed to look after little kids like Sora and Ventus. He had responsibilibies. 

Vanitas charged at the man who was carrying his brother to the big van. He yelled with rage, and grabbed hold of the man’s leg, latching on with his legs and one arm as he hit it with his other hand. He tried to bite too, but the man’s pants got in the way. The man still held Sora. And Sora wasn’t moving. Was he asleep? Was he DEAD? Their parents would never forgive him if Sora was dead. Sora couldn’t be dead. 

Vanitas began to wail as he tried to climb the man’s leg to get his brother. 

“Sora! Sooooraaaaaaaa!” he cried. 

Vanitas never saw the second man who clamped a cloth over his face and dragged him off the first man. He too was asleep by the time the two boys were deposited roughly in the back seat. 

* * *

Zexion closed his book with a satisfied sigh. What a wonderful read that had been. It was so exciting to read about atomic structure. But he had to have variety in his reading, and that meant that next up was a classic. Which should it be? 

Luxord walked in, back from work. Zexion idly waved at his parenting partner as he contemplated the titles he had brought with him. 

“Where are the boys?” Luxord asked. 

“They’re in the playpen.” 

“The playpen?” 

“Yes. The place where they play?” 

“The playpen that Vanitas escapes and lets Sora out of the moment you turn your back? That playpen?” 

“Uh…” Zexion had a bad feeling about this. This sounded like another one of those parenting lectures in the making. 

“Because I’ll have you know I just walked past that playpen, and there were no little boys in there. And the house is certainly quiet right now. So do tell me, where. Are. The. Boys. Where are they Zexion!” Luxord was shouting. He was angry. 

“W-well I-I’m sure the-ey’re a-round here s-somewhere…” Zexion stammered. “I mean, the d-door…” 

“The front door was open when I came in you twat!” 

Zexion sat down hard. His face, which was normally a pasty shade of pale, was ashen. Skin could not get any whiter than his was at the moment. 

“We need to look for them,” he said. His voice rang oddly in his ears, as if he was hearing it from a distance. 

“Obviously!” Luxord stormed off. “I’ll head east,” he called back, halfway to the front door. 

Zexion nodded, as if Luxord could still see him. In a daze he followed. With every step, a sense of urgency grew. Sora. Vanitas. Sora and Vanitas. The twins. Their boys. He couldn’t let anything happen to them. The other members of the 13 wouldn’t need to murder him if something had happened to the twins, because the grief would certainly kill him. Not to mention the guilt. 

As Zexion set out, heading in a random direction, which happened to be opposite of Luxord, he began to run, his voice tearing as he shouted desperately for the boys. 

At seven pm, they had yet to find the boys, and were regrouping back at the house in the hopes that the boys had made their way home. They hadn’t. 

“Tomorrow is Roxas and Xion’s day. Call them,” Luxord ordered. 

“What? We have to find the boys!” 

“Yes, we do. But we’re supposed to hand them over to those two in an hour, and we’ve been searching for hours. They need to know just in case. We could also use some help looking around. This pounding of the pavement is not my style.” It wasn’t Zexion’s style either, but he wasn’t going to say that. Reluctantly, he made the call. 

At 7:08, Roxas and Xion screeched into the driveway. Zexion wasn’t sure he wanted to know how they’d managed to arrive so quickly. Xion was out of the car before the engine stopped running, and she slammed Zexion against the wall of the house. 

“You moron!” she screamed. “How could you let them out! They were your responsibility!” Roxas pulled Xion back. “Xion, no. I won the coin toss.” 

Zexion didn’t like the sound of that. When Roxas looked at him, he understood why it made him nervous. Roxas didn’t get that look often. It was his “dark-Roxas” look, that he reserved for the rare occasions he had made up his mind to pummel someone. Zexion wasn’t a weakling, but right now it was three against him. 

“Zexion,” Roxas said with deadly calm. This was worse than being screamed at. “We’ve told you, time and time again that you need to be more attentive to the twins. We’ve told you that you need to actively watch them. And yet you still insist on delving into books, and disregard everything we tell you. Up until now, it has been annoying, but the worst that’s happened was the time Sora cut Vanitas’s hair. But this time you have royally screwed up! If we don’t find those two, I’ll have Vexen teach me anatomy using you as a model!” 

Luxord began clapping. Roxas turned towards the sound of the applause as Luxord said “Amen, brother. Amen.” 

“And you!” Roxas shouted. Xion glared pointedly at Zexion so that he didn’t make a break for it. He couldn’t even if he wanted to though, since his legs were so much jelly at the moment. Luxord flinched back as Roxas turned on him. “You couldn’t even close the door properly when you left? How long does it take, Luxord? How hard is it to close one bloody door?” 

At this point their newest neighbors, who weren’t quite aware of who the owners of the house were, were peering out windows, and the nosy woman had even bravely ventured out to the side of their house for a better view. Xion noticed them and whispered something to Roxas, who visibly collected himself. 

“We’re going door to door,” he panted. “And we are asking everyone if they’ve seen anything. And if we don’t find them before tomorrow, we’re making posters and calling the others.” 

Zexion and Luxord both gulped. If the others found out about this, they’d get all sorts of death threats. It might even be better to just kill themselves. Less miserable. Though Luxord hoped it wouldn’t come to that. He may have left the priesthood, but he still had a very negative view of suicide. 

* * *

Sora and Vanitas were both trying very hard not to cry. Big boys didn’t cry. Even if they were tied to a chair or they had duct tape over their mouth, a big boy wouldn’t cry. And Sora and Vanitas were not babies anymore. Crying was for babies. 

When the man who had been watching them left the room, Vanitas began to wriggle around. He might be able to get out of this, if he still had it. He hoped they hadn’t taken it away from him. 

Ages ago, when they’d had their last birthday party, one of their parents had brought out a small pocketknife to help open presents with. When Sora caused a distraction throwing some of his cake at Marluxia, Vanitas had pocketed the little knife, and no one had ever noticed. He’d been carrying it around wherever he could ever since. Now he felt for it in his pocket, and there it was. He maneuvered it out into the open, to Sora’s wide-eyed surprise. It was never easy for him to get the blade free, and being tied up made it even harder, but he finally managed. Cutting the twine binding him was even harder, and left him out of breath and teary eyed, though of course he wasn’t crying. He would do this, and he would be free before the man came back, which could happen any time. 

Sora couldn’t cheer for him with the tape over his mouth, but he watched in anticipation, cheering his twin on with his eyes and sharing in his frustration. When Vanitas was finally free, Sora squirmed, trying to dance in celebration. Just for that, Vanitas had to set his brother free too. 

Free of their bonds, they tried to pull off the duct tape, but that hurt too much. But that was okay. In their three year old minds, they were now playing a game. For Sora, he was playing the quiet game that Xemnas liked so much, where even a single word would kill him. At three, he actually believed Xemnas that when the game was being played talking was death. For Vanitas, they were spies on a secret mission and couldn’t be discovered. Vanitas’s version wasn’t so far from reality, but it was a lot less scary to him than reality was. 

The one crucial difference in their games was that in Sora’s there was no need to hide. As such, he boldly strode towards the door, eager to explore and look for snacks. It did not occur to him that he could hardly eat with duct tape over his mouth. Vanitas was too busy looking for a way to get up to that air vent, not realizing it was screwed shut, and did not notice his brother leaving until he was already going through the open door. 

Vanitas let out a small noise of exasperation in the back of his throat, then covered his mouth with his hands. Even if he couldn’t talk and his mouth was already covered, he still associated noise with coming from the mouth, and if he covered his mouth with his hands he couldn’t make noise, right? He couldn’t believe he’d forgotten the need for silence. Their mission was in jeopardy because of him. But he needed to get his brother to hide with him. He raced after Sora, turning a corner just in time be out of sight when the guard entered the hall, returning to the room they’d been in. Vanitas caught up to his brother in a large room, pulling him into the shadows just in time to evade the notice of a group of men playing cards nearby. Vanitas forgot his initial plans to hide in the vent, because in this place full of broken down cars and old crates and barrels, there was an endless supply of hiding spots. He dragged Sora under the husk of one of the cars. 

Sora wrinkled his nose. It was stinky underneath this car. 

* * *

Roxas almost felt bad for Zexion and Luxord. But almost was not the same thing as actual sympathy, which he was fresh out of. 

Neither of the men had slept since the twins were discovered missing. Luxord hadn’t eaten anything, and everything Zexion had eaten he had just thrown back up. The two had aged overnight, and since Zexion had gray hair to begin with, he looked like an old man when he was still in his early twenties. 

With his last bit of pity, Roxas decided to head out for the meeting early. If any of the others got there first, it was guaranteed that they would beat Zexion and Luxord to a pulp before they made it into the meeting room, which was supposed to be a no-fighting zone. Even leaving early, Roxas and Xion had to fend off Axel and a Saix who was very close to going berserk while Luxord and Zexion had to dodge through Xigbar’s sniping to enter the meeting room. The 13 were not happy that their boys had gone missing. 

“Have you distributed posters?” Xaldin asked when the meeting commenced. 

“Have you checked places we’ve taken them?” 

“Have you checked the aquarium? They said they wanted to go there but we haven’t had the time to take them.” 

“Has anyone visited Xehanort?” 

“How did the surveillance teams not notice them running around on their own?!?” 

Suggestions came from everywhere, and Roxas and Xion found themselves being interrogated, since everyone was intent on ignoring the perpetrators of this disaster. 

“We put up posters, and went door-to-door.” 

“Yes, we’ve checked everywhere. Multiple times too.” 

The 13 decided the next step would be to mobilize their forces. Everyone. From now on every department would be searching for Sora and Vanitas, regardless of the effect it would have on productivity. Their boys would be found. 

A messenger ran in, and passed an envelope to Xemnas. He opened it, and scowled. As little as he liked the boys, this did not please him one bit. He passed the letter to Xigbar, who almost dropped it. Xemnas indicated that he wanted them all to see it, and so the letter was passed around. Everyone responded with the same noises of surprise and outrage as they saw the message their boss had received. Saix began to growl, and Axel had to hold him down to keep him from flying into a complete rage. The message contained a photo of their boys, asleep and tied to chairs, with red dots on their foreheads. The caption said “Warehouse 76, 9:30. Come alone. Any deviance from instruction and the one you retrieve will be dead.” 

“Who do they think they are?” Vexen shouted. 

“Well it’s probably not Xehanort, so that at least is good, right?” 

“How dare they!” 

“If there is so much as one scratch on either of those kids…” 

“These people are dead meat.” 

Xemnas stood. 

“Boss…” Xigbar said. But what could he say? The demand was quite clear. 

“I will be heading to Warehouse 76. You lot had better hurry if you’re going to be in place before 9:30.” 

The 13 couldn’t help but smile. That was how things were done. Sure, it would be tight, but they could definitely gear up and make it there before 9:30. Meaning when Xemnas arrived AT 9:30, he would technically be coming alone. 

* * *

Sora and Vanitas were covered in grime. They were tired, and hungry, and filthy. They had both mentally switched to new games a couple of times, but playing in this place just wasn’t fun anymore. Hiding from the men in the building was starting to get scary. Miserable, they found a tarp behind some crates and curled up close to each other. They wanted to go home. 

* * *

The men of Twilight Thorn weren’t happy. Some devious mind had come up with a plan to kill the boys in front of the 13, and so they’d kept the brats alive. And now the brats were loose, escaped from their bonds while their guard had gone for a smoke break. They’d been searching this stupid warehouse for an hour now and had yet to find those boys. Once they found them, they weren’t taking any more chances. The kids would go. 

It was 9:15. Their plan was that when the boss of the 13 showed up, he’d become the new hostage. They were going to have to put the search on hold and prepare for his arrival. All but two men were called off. 

It was one of those two men who found the two boys sleeping in the folds of a tarp. He released the safety on his gun. 

A shot rang out. 

The man who had been about to shoot the twins fell over, Xigbar’s bullet in his head, and Lexaeus dropped from above to make sure no one else came after the twins. The Thorns, realizing they were under attack, dropped everything to try and face the threat. But as the 13 burst from their hidey holes, the Thorns never even had a chance. 

When Xemnas arrived, only one of the kidnappers was still alive, and was being interrogated mercilessly by Xaldin and Marluxia. The twins were safely cradled in Lexaeus and Axel’s arms, and the duct tape had been removed from their mouths, without waking them even. In a corner, Zexion was sobbing in relief, and Luxord had been seen to cross himself and fold his hands in prayer. 

“Quit being so dramatic, Luxord, you’re an atheist!” Larxene called. 

Over the next month, the Twilight Thorn group disappeared, from the bottom up. The lower members were never found, but the leaders were left as examples, even the one who attempted to flee to Egypt. 

No one messed with the Yakuza 13. And after that incident, no one would ever think of messing with their boys either.


	12. I Feel Pretty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to two years before the twins' arrival.

Xemnas tapped the eraser of a pencil against his desk. There had been lots of new leadership coming in lately. First there had been the promotion of Saix and Axel. When the two had joined, Xemnas hadn’t been too impressed, but some among his squad leaders had found them promising. Xigbar had overseen their training, and two of his men had made them their protegees, and now they had proven themselves. Then, not long after that, Demyx had recommended an arms dealer he knew, a man who called himself Marluxia. Again, Xemnas hadn’t been convinced he’d be a good fit, but he had revealed an extensive skill set as well as a ruthlessness that Xemnas found as beautiful as most people seemed to find the man’s looks. Then that infernal woman had joined and promoted herself to leadership. Xemnas did have to admit she was skilled, even if she was one of the most disrespectful people he’d met. And now, finally, they’d recruited a young lad named Roxas. The boy certainly had a long way to go, but he was willing to take up the mantle as the unlucky thirteenth leader, and after what had happened to the all his predecessors, no one else wanted it. Xemnas supposed he’d have to try and make Roxas last, in part because he’d never find a replacement, and also because his uncle’s wife happened to be Roxas’s sister and Eraqus was already furious with Xemnas for taking the boy in to start with. 

So far, the new leaders had been doing alright. Saix had gone through months’ worth of paperwork in about a week and had taken over scheduling. He was efficient and precise, and Xemnas appreciated it as he now had more time to relax, though he wasn’t exactly sure how one “relaxed”. Axel had proven that the ability to blow things up was something Xemnas had been undervaluing, and Xemnas had rearranged squad responsibilities accordingly. Furthermore, Axel had a knack for getting information, which was infinitely useful. And then Marluxia had helped them acquire some much needed supplies, as well as some less-needed comforts, and all at a price that hadn’t irked Xaldin to the point of pounding on the door to Xemnas’s office. Meanwhile Larxene had already helped with a raid on the Gigas Shadows by supplying detailed blueprints to both their den and the area around it, allowing the Yakuza 13 to expand their territory. And then Roxas had topped them all when Larxene’s predecessor had tried to steal money from the gang and run, and when the fugitive managed to shake everyone else off, Roxas continued to doggedly pursue him and even catch him, a feat no one had expected of the scrawny teenager, since he was taking out a 200lb man. They were all doing quite well, which meant that Xemnas would have to publicly acknowledge them soon. 

Xemnas sighed and put the pencil down. While it was nice to see ambition amongst his gang members, he did find it somewhat depressing that of the twelve leaders he’d chosen when he’d taken the gang back from Maleficent, only four remained. The rest had all been replaced, whether by voluntary retirement, humiliating defeat, or death. He’d thought when he’d chosen the eight who were gone that they were tougher than that. Though being leader of the thirteenth division did seem to be an unlucky position; even Xemnas couldn’t deny that. 

If Xemnas was going to introduce the new leaders to the public, then there was something they needed: a visit to the tailor’s. Or more specifically, to a store he’d bought a few years back that specialized in kimonos. It was a mark of the Yakuza 13 that they wore kimonos as their formal business attire. Meetings with other gang leaders and important business clients required the use of a kimono. And in the back of that particular shop, they could also get the black coats used for their more illicit business dealings. They hid the specific identity of the wearer while still marking them as Yakuza 13, and didn’t stain easily either- a fact that more than one leader had put to the test. 

Xemnas supposed he could just give the new leaders the address and tell them to go in their free time. But an organization like theirs could not survive without a good dynamic between its members, particularly its leaders. And right now, with so many new faces (two this year, three the previous year, and another three the year before), that dynamic was rather weak. They needed some team building and ice breaking, even though Xemnas detested that kind of nonsense. And Xemnas knew just the thing. 

Using the intercom, Xemnas summoned some messengers to his office. He sent them out to find the different leaders, as they were about to find out that they had a meeting to attend. 

* * *

Marluxia and Roxas were the last ones to arrive at the meeting. The messenger who was sent to find Marluxia had thought that leaving a message on his answering machine would suffice to notify him. It had not. When it was time to start the meeting and Marluxia had yet to arrive, Roxas, as the most junior leader, was sent to his house to see if he was there. Roxas had found him napping in his garden, oblivious as to the fact that he was missing an official meeting. Marluxia suppressed a yawn as he sat, knowing it would not be well received as Roxas had informed him that the meeting was supposed to have begun half an hour ago. 

“Now that everyone is here,” Xemnas said with a quick glare in Marluxia’s direction. Marluxia said nothing, as an apology was considered meaningless here. “It is time for kimonos.” 

“Do we have to?” Demyx whined. “I hate wearing that thing. It feels so exposed.” Luxord nodded in agreement. 

“Not to mention the last time I wore mine Larxene tried to tell me I was wearing it wrong and needed to show more chest,” Xaldin murmured. Saix noticed that Larxene was staring at him intently, as if imagining what he would look like in a kimono, and shuddered. Still, he was too new as a leader to dare voice opposition to an idea proposed by the head. 

“We can hardly wear them when not everyone has them, which is why we are going to go get new ones,” Xemnas snapped. 

“Wait, all of us?” Once again, Demyx was the first to protest. “But I only just got mine last year!” 

“And then you went out in the rain while wearing it. It’s probably all moldy by now. And Luxord got his ripped when he got into that fight, and Zexion hasn’t even worn his so it’s probably been in the closet this whole time and is all wrinkled and musty. So you three need new ones, and as for the rest of us, ours are eight years old already. And I daresay Vexen has put on a little weight since back then.” 

As Demyx and Zexion snickered, Xaldin reassured Vexen that his gaining weight was a good thing. When Vexen had first joined, he was still fairly recently back from a war zone where food was scarce. He’d no longer been half starved when he joined, but was still painfully thin. Nowadays he had gained enough so as to be almost to a healthy weight range. 

“Well, since it seems we don’t have a choice in this matter, are we all driving ourselves, or should I call for a car? In which case, van or limo?” Xigbar asked, backing Xemnas up as always. 

“We can take a van,” Xemnas said, and everyone had to suppress groans. Roxas hoped he wouldn’t end up on someone’s lap, and no one wanted to get squished in between any of the bulkier members. 

“Right. Lexaeus gets shotgun,” Xigbar said, noticing the unease of his colleagues. While they did resent Lexaeus for it, no one complained. Better to let him sit up front than get crushed by the giant. 

Grumbling the thirteen leaders of the Yakuza 13 all piled into a large van, which Xemnas himself drove to the shop in question. He’d called ahead, and they were closed to the public for the remainder of the day. 

Inside the shop, they were greeted by the head seamstress, who informed them that the staff had prepared fabrics for their viewing. She told Xemnas where the men’s fabrics were, since he visited the shop often enough to know where she meant, and asked for the “ladies” to follow her to look at women’s designs. Larxene followed, but the seamstress stood firm, looking at Marluxia. 

“If madam would like to come with me?” she said. 

Of course everyone noticed. Xigbar, Axel, and Demyx all burst out into hearty guffaws, and only the most disciplined of members could hold back their snickers. 

“I was planning to look at the men’s fabrics first, but since there are more men I suppose I can select a women’s kimono first,” Marluxia said calmly. 

“Um, Marluxia, you know that you’re…” Luxord began, but Demyx clapped a hand over his mouth. 

“Choose something really pretty,” he said, then hissed to Luxord “Idiot he wears disguises as part of his job. That includes cross-dressing.” 

“Yeah, but that doesn’t change the fact that he just got mistaken for a girl,” Xigbar snorted, and he and Axel started laughing again. 

They went and chose their fabrics and then got measured. The final part of today’s outing involved having the new members select coat designs. While they were all the same basic thing, some had tighter sleeves or hugged the body while others were very loose. Finally, they returned to headquarters, with everyone united in their grumbling that the group outing had been a waste of time. 

* * *

The next week they had private fittings to try on the kimonos. The new coats were also delivered, and only Xemnas’s firm refusal kept Xigbar and Demyx from turning the meeting room table into a makeshift catwalk and having the new leaders parade down it in their new coats. The majority of them were relieved, though Axel expressed disappointment that he wouldn’t be able to show off his strut. 

At the end of the second week after they had placed their order, the kimonos were finally delivered by a team of aides who then assisted them in putting on their robes. Marluxia chose to wear his women’s yukata, as it would be the more difficult to put on, and he and Larxene were shepherded off to be dressed. Meanwhile, everyone else put on their new garments. 

Xemnas had to say, they were a good-looking bunch. They might even have stood up to even the snootiest of his Japanese relatives’ standards. He might just have to have some of the good sake brought up to celebrate. 

The return of Larxene and Marluxia was heralded by Larxene’s voice complaining loudly about how complicated the kimono was, and how the heck was she supposed to remember the right way and the wrong way to place the ends so that she wasn’t wearing it like a dead person. 

“What an aggravating woman,” Vexen muttered. 

Larxene entered, looking rather nicer than anyone would have thought her capable of, but behind her… Behind her was a stunning creature, clad in a gorgeous length of sky-colored cloth patterned with sakura petals. 

Demyx whooped and called out “Dang, Mar. I’m actually kinda turned on by you.” 

The beauty made a face. “Demyx, don’t be disgusting,” Marluxia replied in a rather feminine-sounding voice. If they hadn’t known it was him, they would have certainly believed Marluxia to be a woman. 

“This is so disturbing,” Xaldin said after a long silence, and everyone had to agree. 

“What is?” Marluxia asked. 

“That you’re a guy and you’re more of a woman than Larxene?” Luxord suggested, and received a slap from a fan Larxene had had tucked in her obi. She then unfurled the fan and held it in front of her face so that only her eyes could be seen. 

“Who’s more of a woman?” she asked coyly. 

“Marluxia,” several voices replied at once. 

“If only this thing could be used as a weapon,” Larxene muttered. 

“Don’t be jealous dear,” Marluxia chided. “And actually, if you want a weaponized fan, I know a guy who might be able to help.” 

“Do tell?” Larxene said, and the two of them fell into chatter about fans that went completely over the heads of everyone else. 

“Right, well this is perfect timing actually, since I received a call from the Mad Treants about a meeting that they claim will be beneficial to all,” Xemnas announced. 

“So who’s going?” Saix asked, reaching for the planner in which he made schedules. 

“All of us.” 

“Wait, ALL of us?” Roxas asked. He didn’t feel particularly ready for official meetings, and besides, he’d been hoping to go for a run with his squad. For a group that was supposed to specialize in tracking and chasing, they were very out of shape in his opinion. 

“Well, yeah,” Axel said, surprising the rest. “Everyone knows the Mad Treants are part of the World of Chaos alliance, and that they’re the weakest link of it. They never act alone. There’s bound to be at least the Bully Dogs and Prison Keepers there as well, and maybe even the Thresholders. We’d be idiots not to go in with everything we’ve got.” 

“Wait, they are?” Zexion asked, alarmed that there was something he didn’t know that everyone else supposedly did. Only everyone else looked surprised as well. 

“Er, I mean, it’s just something I heard and all,” Axel amended. 

“But you said everyone knows,” Zexion persisted, on the verge of panic. 

“It was an expression. Geez, pipsqueak, don’t take everything so literally,” Larxene said, rolling her eyes. 

“I don’t take everything literally,” Zexion protested. “For instance, I know that when I say Vexen’s full of shit it doesn’t mean that underneath his skin there is nothing but fecal matter.” 

“Gross,” Larxene said. 

“I didn’t even do anything!” Vexen protested. 

“Alright, sonny. You’ve made your point,” Xigbar said. “But is that true about the Mad Treants?” he asked Xemnas. 

“Hm? Oh, um, yes. Of course.” Xemnas hadn’t actually known about the alliance, but he’d wanted to show off his boys. And while going into a meeting with less people to show you were confident you could take them out easily was good, so was a show of power. 

“Riiiight,” Xigbar said, not convinced. But whatever. What Xemnas said, went. 

“We shall take the limo this time,” Xemnas said, and more than one person blinked back tears of joy. “Move out.” 

* * *

“Well, what did you think?” Xigbar asked, even though he was good enough at reading Xemnas’s varying scowls that he already had a guess as to what Xemnas thought. 

“That. Was. A disaster. I ought to flay the lot of you,” he said, addressing everyone in the limo. 

“I don’t know, I thought it was great the way everyone wanted to get Mar’s number,” Demyx said jovially. He was one of the few who wasn’t sulking. 

“Speak for yourself, they were all total creeps,” Marluxia muttered. 

“If it were me I would have rejected them viciously. Or played along for a bit so I could humiliate them later,” Larxene said. 

“Well at least no one was offering you a pacifier,” Roxas said bitterly. He and Zexion had both been mocked for their youth, and it had taken all their patience and a little physical intervention from Lexaeus to keep the two of them from starting a fight. Of course, that had meant Lexaeus wasn’t available to to stop the Bully Dogs third-in-command when Luxord made a rude suggestion about his parentage. As a result, Luxord now had a black eye and a tear in the hem of his kimono, which Xemnas was not pleased about. 

“I agree it was a mess. I can’t believe we went all that way for such a ludicrous proposal,” Xaldin said, business minded as always. 

“Indeed,” Vexen agreed. “How stupid do they think we are? You don’t have to answer that,” he added to Zexion, who had already opened his mouth to make a retort about Vexen’s intelligence. 

“Well, at least they won’t be suggesting that again,” Xigbar said. Xemnas had made it very clear how insulting the World of Chaos alliance’s demand had been, and what he thought of it. 

“Yup. It is a shame about the blood, though,” Lexaeus said, looking ruefully at a fresh stain on his kimono. 

“It’ll wash out,” Vexen assured him. 

The limo pulled up at the Yakuza 13 headquarters. 

“I want reflective essays from all of you. Dismissed,” Xemnas barked. 

Axel and Saix were the last two out of the limousine. As everyone else walked away, Axel leaned back against the limo. 

“Sooooo,” he said. “Not bad for a first meeting, eh? What do you say we go get some ice cream to celebrate?” 

“Xemnas is right. That meeting was a disaster. You just want some sea-salt ice cream.” 

“Always.” 

Saix sighed. 

“Fine. Let me just finish up some paperwork.” 

Saix went up to his office, and Axel changed into casual clothes and then sat around in the main lobby, waiting. And waiting. And waiting. He chatted with some of the guards at the front desk, picking up a couple interesting tidbits of information, and borrowed a magazine. He found a corner and did some sit-ups out of sheer boredom. It was all he could do not to go crazy. He should have known that “finishing up some paperwork” meant that Saix would lose track of time as he tried to do the work of twenty people. 

After an hour and a half, Axel was still in the lobby, lying on a couch and playing with his lighter. Saix still hadn’t come down, but he was worried if he went up to drag Saix out of his office, his friend would get mad and refuse to get ice cream with him. 

The newest kid, Roxas, entered the lobby from outside, dressed in workout clothes. Axel wondered where he’d been, as there was an extensive gym in the building with more equipment than anyone but Lexaeus and Xaldin knew what to do with. Couldn’t he have gotten his workout there? 

“Oi, new guy!” he called. Roxas didn’t seem to talk much, but Axel was really bored. Anyone would be a good conversation partner at this point. 

“You mean me?” Roxas asked. 

“I don’t see any other new guys around, do you?” 

“I have a name, you know,” Roxas sighed. 

“Yeah, yeah. I got it memorized. Roxas, right? So what do you like to do?” 

“Look, I just went for a run and could really use a shower.” 

“Hey, Xemnas wants us all to get along better. I’m just trying to do what I’m told. So, what kinds of things do you like?” 

“If you want to be friends, don’t get in my way right now. I’m sweaty and gross and I want to take a shower. And I don’t want to be your friend anyways. I only joined this gang because I need money. I don’t need friends here. You’re not the kinda people I really wanna hang around with, okay? So we’ll get along best if you just leave me alone.” 

“Yeesh. That’s a glare that could set someone on fire. If you want to cool off so badly, lose the glare, and maybe you should come with Saix and me to go get ice cream. Except he’s trying to stand me up. So I guess it can be just you and me, and we can talk about stuff. I’ll even let you take that shower first.” 

“Whatever.” Roxas headed for the showers, and Axel went up to Saix’s office. There were papers everywhere, scattered about and in giant stacks that created a maze. Axel wasn’t sure how his friend could function like this. If it were him, he’d just set it all on fire, but Saix would throw a fit if he lost any of it. 

“Hellooo, anybody home?” Axel called, trying to find his way to the desk. 

“I’ll be done in a minute!” Saix yelled. Axel turned the corner and nearly tripped over Saix, who was kneeling next to a paper tower and trying to extract a few sheets. 

“I seriously doubt that,” Axel said, looking around him. 

“Okay, maybe two minutes,” Saix snapped back. 

“Bro, you’re gonna be here for weeks with this mess. Anywho, I just ran into that new kid Roxas, and I was just gonna go with him if you don’t mind, since I know you’re busy and he looks like he needs the ice cream more than you do.” 

“By all means,” Saix said. He was secretly happy with this outcome, as Axel loved sea salt ice cream beyond all reason, to the point where Saix was getting rather sick of it, even if he too enjoyed the flavor. 

“Alright then. Guess I’ll see you later,” Axel said, and maneuvered his way out of the mess and back down to the lobby, where he was just in time to catch Roxas on his way out of the showers. Roxas was not thrilled to see him, but seemed resigned to his fate. 

Since Axel was making Roxas come, he paid for both their ice creams. Roxas sulked while Axel got them, and bit in halfheartedly. His face as the flavor kicked in was priceless. 

“What is this?” he exclaimed. “It’s so… oh, it’s sweet as well. This is really good, actually.” 

Axel laughed. “I know, right?” 

It was hard work getting Roxas to talk, but worth it. Axel found the kid had an interesting sense of humor when he let his guard down enough to be himself. He learned that Roxas liked skateboarding, breakdancing, and parkour, and had a girlfriend. Roxas also had a sister, though he wasn’t speaking to her at the moment since she didn’t approve of him joining the Yakuza 13. Axel in turn talked a bit about himself, talking about how much his family worried about him being in the Yakuza 13. 

“They’re always like ‘You’re going to get killed!’ and stuff. Meanwhile I’m over here worrying because what if they get associated with me and get hurt ‘cuz of it, but I do like this job and they do need the money I send them for rent since my mom lost her job again and all.” 

“Yeah. Hope’s been saying how I’m just a kid and I’m throwing away my life by doing this, but what else can I do? I’ve worked in the service industry, I’ve worked retail and fast food, and at every job I end up getting fired for my temper. This is the first time my temper has ever worked favorably with a job, so I might as well go with it, right? Besides, now I can stop being a burden on Hope and Eraqus. I mean, they’ve got two kids and- say, Axel, are you alright?” 

Axel was not alright. He was choking on his ice cream. He managed to cough his airway clear, and stared at Roxas with watering eyes. 

“D-did you say Eraqus?” 

“Yeah. He’s a lawyer. He actually does a bunch of cases for you g- I mean, for us.” 

“You mean to tell me that your brother-in-law is Xemnas’s uncle? Oh man. This is like a soap opera.” 

“Yeah. He was pretty pissed about me joining, but he did try to be impartial since my sister was even more pissed about it. Like, she can take him doing legal work for us, but her kid brother joining? Completely different story. So Eraqus was all like ‘well they’re not all bad,’ and ‘Xemnas will look out for him,’ and stuff. And I was just like ‘who cares what they do, they came to me for a job’. God it was crazy.” 

“Careful using the lord’s name like that. Luxord used to be a priest.” 

“Seriously?” 

“Yup.” 

The two of them finished their ice cream, gossiping about the various members of the Yakuza 13. They continued talking until the sun set, at which point Roxas blushingly excused himself to go get ready for a date. 

Axel stayed there though, until Saix found him. 

“You’re really hopeless, you know that?” Saix asked. 

“Yeah. I’ve got it memorized,” Axel replied, and let Saix help him to his feet. He stretched, then turned and said “You know? I think I made a new friend today.” 

Meanwhile, Roxas was apologizing to his girlfriend, Xion, explaining he was late because he’d been hanging out with a friend. As he said it, he realized that he really thought that he and Axel could be friends. He wondered if maybe he should introduce Xion to him sometime...


	13. Potty Mouths: Age - 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: people swear. Some of it is ridiculous.

“That covers everything on the agenda for today. Dismissed,” Xemnas said, closing the weekly meeting. Everyone sighed with relief, as it had been a rather long meeting, and pushed their chairs back. They all had plans for afterwards: pruning a rose bush, baking a pie, painting, making stew, going for a drink, drinking tea, karaoke, playing with the twins, and reading up on 13th century poets were among the activities various members had planned. But they would have to wait a bit, as one person hadn’t sighed with relief, and instead cleared his throat. 

“Ahem. Excuse me,” Xigbar said. “But since we’re all here there’s a certain matter I’d like to address.” 

With a collective sigh everyone resumed their seats. No one dared to glare outright at Xigbar, as he maintained the title of Right-hand Man despite Saix doing most of the essential work for good reason. His authority was almost as unquestionable as Xemnas’s, and while the upper ranks of the Yakuza 13 had no doubts, some of the underlings did question who would win if the two men got into a fight. 

“What.” Xemnas said flatly, clearly annoyed. He just wanted to go relax. 

“It’s come to my attention that the twins have been picking up some foul language. And so I was just wondering which one of you dumbasses has been swearing in front of the boys. They’re three years old, goddamnit!” 

“What, we can’t swear in front of the twins? What the hell?” Larxene exclaimed. 

“Children are like sponges,” Saix sighed. “That’s what it said in the parenting guide, anyways.” 

“Where?” Larxene asked. 

“Do you want exact page numbers, or just a list of volumes that it’s mentioned in?” Zexion asked, turning a page in the book he’d brought to the meeting. 

“Nevermind,” Larxene said, rolling her eyes, then added a muttered “Goddamn nerd.” 

“In my opinion,” Zexion said, not phased by her insult as he considered it a compliment, “it is probably Vexen who is at fault, as his inferior brain is most likely incapable of recognizing that swearing in front of children is unacceptable.” 

“Oh sure blame it on me. That’s a new one,” Vexen snapped back. “But as I recall, you’re the one who called me a fuckwit while at the house the other day. Where’s the evidence that you haven’t been swearing at other times as well? Let’s ask Luxord, shall we?” 

“Leave me out of this, please,” Luxord said. “Though I’m sure I have the cleanest mouth here, just for the record.” 

“Well aren’t you a fucking saint,” Demyx said sarcastically. 

“Actually, no. I am merely a retired priest.” 

“Will all of you shitty bastards just shut the fuck up!” Xaldin roared. Everyone went silent, but not so much because Xaldin had yelled at them, although that certainly played a part, but more likely it was because they were all having the same thought: when it came to swearing, Xaldin was undeniably the worst of them all. 

“Perhaps we should place a ban on swearing at the twins’ house,” Marluxia suggested. 

“And what if someone does cuss? What then?” Axel asked. 

“Well, I’ve heard of ‘swear jars’ where if you swear you have to put money in and-” Roxas said. 

“We’ll never get anywhere that way,” Xemnas interrupted, not waiting to hear that Roxas had a different suggestion as to how they could use a swear jar. “Anyone who is caught swearing in front of the twins will have squad training with whomever I choose.” 

Everyone began eyeing their least favorite leaders to train under. More than a few gazes shifted towards Roxas with his extreme workouts, but some also feared the grueling deskwork of Saix, or resented the extreme laziness of Demyx, or were loathe to submit to the taunting that came with working under Vexen. They would definitely be more careful about their language. 

“Just one more question,” Demyx asked. People tried not to roll their eyes. Why couldn’t this just be over with already? They wanted to leave! 

“Yes?” Xemnas asked. 

“Do substitute swears count? Like if instead of ‘what the fuck’ you say ‘what the duck’ or what the fork’ or ‘what the frick frack tic tac,’ and instead of ‘shit’ you say ‘crap’ or ‘poop’ and instead of-” 

“No substitute swears. Now if we’re quite finished…” 

“Well hang on, does that mean we can’t say ‘poop’ at all now?” Axel asked. 

“There are many synonyms for ‘poop’. Turds, feces, dung, doo-doo, number two…” Zexion informed them. Everyone ignored him, though Larxene did make a face. 

“If it is a situation where you are talking about actual poop, then fine. But any situation where it is being used otherwise is banned! Dismissed!” 

* * *

Surprising to all parents was the fact that Sora was the one who had started all this. Normally when there was an aspect of the twins’ behavior that needed correcting, it started with Vanitas, but the little piece of- the little tur- the child was actually innocent for once. In fact, where Sora had taken to throwing in expletives when he spoke, Vanitas’s language remained remarkably- and unnervingly- pristine. 

If anyone was suspicious about Vanitas’s better behavior and believed him to be egging Sora on behind their backs, they would soon be proven wrong. It was Xion who got the evidence, after she discovered she’d left the window open during a rainstorm. The rain had come through the open window and soaked one of her textbooks, which was a rental. Not surprisingly, she’d reacted with an “Oh, shit!” 

Vanitas, who had been building a castle with a set of wooden blocks, had knocked over the tower he’d been constructing. Normally this would have caused a mini-tantrum in which he would knock everything else over, call the blocks stupid, and sulk for a little bit before rebuilding it all. But on this day he ignored the fallen blocks, and instead stared at Xion. 

“Mama, isn’t that a bad word?” he gasped. 

“Er, yes, yes it is. But sometimes people say bad words, even though they really shouldn’t.” 

“Sora does. He says since you guys say them that it’s okay to say them. But every time he says them you get mad, so I thought we weren’t supposed to say them.” 

“You’re right, Vanitas. You’re not supposed to say them. And neither am I. Or anyone really. You not saying them makes you a very good boy.” 

Vanitas wasn’t used to being told he was a good boy. That was Sora’s domain. He was more used to being told he was naughty, and was really not sure how he felt about this new label. 

* * *

Xaldin was getting very frustrated. Xigbar would not stop complaining about his punishment of squad training with Luxord for telling a subordinate to “just toss the damn orange juice if it stank” over the phone while at the twins’ house. 

“I mean, it was one swear word. One! And the twins weren’t even in the room. But Xemnas just has to be a bastard about it. Damn it, shouldn’t I get amnesty or some shit as his right hand?” 

“Making exceptions will not be setting a good example, Xigbar,” Xaldin said, though he doubted Xigbar would hear. He’d been consistently ignoring Xaldin for the past fifteen minutes of ranting after all. 

“Oh, look who’s such hot stuff now. So tell me, how many squad trainings have you gotten yourself signed up for, and with who?” 

“With whom is correct grammar, and so far, none. And I intend to keep it that way.” 

“Yeah right Xaldin, come on, how many really?” 

“I said none.” 

“Right, right. Oh, I know, you must have made some kind of deal with Demyx, where you keep quiet about each other’s swearing, is that it? Xaldin you dirty sneak, why didn’t I think of that?” 

“I would never make a deal with that…” Xaldin made a face as he carefully considered his word choice. “That person. He annoys me too much. And also, if that were the case, he wouldn’t currently have a total of six squad trainings lined up for him. And could you really make a deal like that with Xemnas?” 

“Oh you’ve got a point about the deal. But if that’s true, then how come you haven’t gotten caught? If you’ve been harping on Demyx like that, I’m sure he must be hanging on your every word to get back at you.” 

“He is. But he cannot catch me saying words I do not utter.” 

“Words you do not utter? First off, you sound a bit like the robot there. Secondly, you swear all the time!” 

“Not anymore. I thought about it, and the prospect of having to work under Larxene was so... “ Xaldin shuddered. “I cannot get caught. So I’ve had to simply stop. I guess you could say I’ve gone cold turkey.” 

“You? Cold turkey?” 

“Yes. No swearing. No substitutions. 100% clean language.” 

“Well fuck me sideways, that’s unbelievable.” 

“Believe it, because-” 

“Hey, Axel, c’mere. You gotta hear this!” Xigbar called, and Axel swooped in, dragging Roxas and Saix with him. 

“You rang?” he said. 

“Get this, Xaldin says he’s not swearing anymore!” 

“Like, ever?” Roxas asked, frowning. 

“Like I know. Whaddaya say, old pal?” 

“Nope.” 

“Never ever?” Axel asked, the beginning of a grin forming on his face. Xaldin felt himself grow uneasy at the sight of that grin. 

“Not while the twins are young. We have to be good examples,” he said. 

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” Axel asked. 

“Oo, I’m going to enjoy this,” Xigbar replied, nodding. 

“Oh, come on guys, don’t,” Roxas protested. 

“It’s already too late to stop them,” Saix commented. “Besides, when you get past the bad taste it leaves, it does seem rather interesting: whose will is stronger? Xaldin’s will to quit swearing, or the collective will of all the pranksters in the Yakuza 13 trying to break him?” 

Xaldin really wished he hadn’t decided alcohol was a bad idea until he got more used to not swearing. He could really use a strong one right then. 

* * *

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but please, everyone, just leave Xaldin alone,” Xemnas begged at the next weekly meeting. 

“No need. It was annoying at first, but the pranks are starting to grow on me,” Xaldin said. In truth he really did want everyone to stop, as pranks in the Yakuza 13 could border on dangerous and he’d had to take several trips to see Vexen already. But he wanted to rub it into the faces of Axel and Demyx and Larxene and Xigbar that they hadn’t gotten to him. 

“Yes there is a need! I got a report from a certain source who will remain unnamed that productivity has gone down almost 30% due to everyone slacking off to plan their little tricks and you being affected by them! I am absolutely at a loss as to what to do with the lot of you! You are a bunch of-” what followed was a long and impressive string of expletives that would have made any of Xaldin’s buddies from his soldier days proud. Xaldin privately thought that he could have done better, as some of Xemnas’s curses made no sense or were extremely improbable, but he respected that Xemnas was trying. 

“Careful there boss,” Xigbar said when Xemnas finally finished. “No swearing, remember? That’s got to be at least half a dozen squad trainings with each of us.” Xigbar knew full well that the rule didn’t apply since they weren’t at the twins house, but is was worth it to see his colleague’s face. 

* * *

It took a little longer for Sora to cut swear words out of his vocabulary. He had to be repeatedly told not to use bad words, but he always seemed to forget. Eventually, Lexaeus, who still talked to his parents, got the advice to wash Sora’s mouth out with soap if he used a bad word. The swearing stopped very quickly once this method was applied. 

And so life returned to normal, and things were peaceful again. 

Or as peaceful as they can ever be when the Yakuza 13 are involved.


	14. Movie Night: Age - 4

“Popcorn’s ready!” Demyx shouted, bursting into the living room. Without a thought he plopped the gigantic bowl onto the coffee table near a plethora of other snacks and sat on the couch. He was promptly kicked off by Axel on whom he had sat. 

Ignoring the ensuing squabble Saix checked his clipboard that contained the checklist for Movie Night necessities. Everyone was here except for Xemnas, who was running late due to a last minute emergency. Apparently Maleficent was threatening to take over again and he needed to remind her why she couldn’t be bothered to run a Yakuza group along with a successful string of casinos. The only thing left to do was choosing the movies. As Saix glanced at which two members would be picking movies, he paled. It was Xemnas’s turn. 

* * *

It had been decided a couple years ago that the Yakuza 13 should have a monthly movie night. This had been brought about for the most part, by Saix. He had read in one of his many child-rearing books that it was wise for parents to show children that they got along well and can work together as a family. And while Saix had gotten better at not following his books to the letter, there were still some ideas that would stick with him. This was one that kept nagging at the back of his mind. Were they, the Yakuza 13, properly showing Sora and Vanitas what it meant to be a family? 

Certainly the caretaker pairs had learned to function as one unit, but the twins hardly ever saw their guardians together as a group. The group was seen together only during the occasional meal times when they decided to eat together or when they had group outings. With these thoughts in mind Saix brought up his concerns at one of the Yakuza Boss meetings. 

“Uh, Saix?” Xigbar spoke, “That’s nice, but we’re talking about how we’re going to handle the Darkside group edging in on our territory.” 

“Oh, excuse me.” Saix sat down and they continued to talk about Yakuza business. Until the end when Saix’s worries about the twins understanding what it means to be a family was brought up again. Eventually they decided the easiest way to get everyone together was to have a movie night. 

The movie night took some time to get right. They originally had scheduled nights every two weeks but had to start making it irregular when other gangs started to notice that the Yakuza 13’s bosses were gone on certain days. After that it was a matter of movie tastes. Most of the parents had fine, if slightly odd, tastes. Like Lexaeus’s peculiar fondness for Itty-Bitty Kitty movies along with other movies based off children’s shows. Or Larxene’s exposed guilty pleasure of period romances. Some of the members taste in movies were slightly problematic. Marluxia liked foreign films, but had to be reminded to choose movies that showed age-appropriate content for the twins. And Xigbar had to receive a stern talking to from Roxas on why horror movies were not something children should watch. And Xemnas. Xemnas was another problem entirely. 

* * *

“All you all right Saix?” Lexaeus, who was standing in a corner and quietly munching on Mike & Ike’s, was the first to notice a problem. 

“It’s Xemnas’s turn to pick a movie.” Saix whispered. 

Despite the noise from Axel and Demyx’s tussle, that now included Larxene after one of them accidentally hit her in the back of the head, they all heard Saix and froze. Even the twins; though at age four, they didn’t yet understand what the problem was. 

The yakuza members began looking at each other, silently asking, ‘Did you take care of it? Did you?’ One by one they all shook their heads no. 

“Shit.” Was Roxas’s eloquent response. The twins gasped. 

“What should be done?” asked Marluxia. 

Saix scowled. “There’s no time to do anything convincing, we’ll just have to hide it. Someone distract the twins.” 

With a nod the members fell to a task. 

“Heeeey, Vanitas. Sora.” said Demyx. “Want to see something cool?” 

Xaldin approached the movie cabinet, looking for a certain VHS. When he found it he pulled it out and handed it to Zexion. Zexion had grabbed a book from the shelf and opened it. The book was a false one that instead contained a flask, which Zexion carelessly threw onto the ground to make room for the videotape. 

“Hey! That brandy is expensive!” Luxord exclaimed, but was ignored. 

Zexion then handed the book to Xion, who left the room to hide it. She was just in time as Xemnas had walked in from the opposite direction. 

“What is all this ruckus?” Xemnas uttered. 

“Roxas was having some trouble picking out a movie and everyone decided to help out.” Saix said smoothly. “Everything is handled now.” 

Xaldin, as he was nearest the movies, randomly grabbed one and handed it to Roxas. 

“Yeah, we’re watching,” Roxas repressed a frown, it was not a movie he would have chosen but there was no helping it now, “Awful Gals.” 

“Hmph.” Was Xemnas’s only response. “I suppose I shall choose my movie then.” 

Everyone remained still while watching Xemnas walk towards the movie cabinet, waiting for a reaction. The only exceptions were Sora and Vanitas who were playing with Transformer toys that Demyx had given them. 

“The movie I want doesn’t appear to be here.” 

“What movie did you plan to watch?” Xaldin asked, hoping that the answer was different than the one they expected. 

“Ideal Intonation” 

There was a groan from Axel, but an elbow to the stomach shut him up. 

“Perhaps a different movie could be chosen?” Vexen suggested. 

But Xemnas refused and suggested that everybody search for the movie in case it had merely been misplaced. 

What followed was an extremely dramatic search as everyone overemphasized their movements and their ‘Oh geez, not here either”s. Lexaeus had lifted up an entire couch, Marluxia was throwing pillows everywhere and Xigbar was simply pulling books off their shelves. In short, they were creating a mess that only appeared to be searching. 

Just when enough time had passed that Saix thought it safe to suggest giving up, Sora walked into the room waving the VHS around and shouting excitedly that he had found it and didn’t that make him a ton better than Vanitas and so on. 

For the third time that night all of the members froze in horror as Sora brought the videotape towards Xemnas. Then something happened. Something that happened so frequently that it normally brought a sigh of exasperation to the parents lips, but this time, it brought only joy. 

Sora tripped. 

Specifically, Sora tripped and fell unto the tape, cracking it in half. This caused him to burst into tears. 

“I’m sorry!” he cried. Though it came out more like “I’m So-eh-eh-ey!” 

Axel was the first to respond and try to the comfort the poor boy. He was having difficulties though, as it is hard to sound sincere when you’re putting all of your Yakuza training into not grinning like a mad-man. So Sora continued to wail. 

“I didn’t mean to break the movie! it just kind of happened! and I know I’ve been naughty, like that time I put a frog on Larxene’s hair, or when I drew on Vanny’s face when he was sleeping, but those were on purpose, though I’m sorry for them now, and I’m sorry I broke the movie even though it wasn’t on purpose.” Out of all the parents Xemnas was the one whose wrath the twins feared the most and it showed in the way Sora babbled on and on. 

Unfortunately, or fortunately as the case may be, his wailing was giving Xemnas a headache. 

“Enough.” Xemnas declared holding a hand to his throbbing temple. Immediately Sora stopped crying. “It’s fine, as long you stop your penitent sobbing. Just, go into time-out and think about what you did.” 

Nodding continuously Sora made his way to a stool in the corner of the Den that was specifically for time-out. 

“I guess you can choose a different movie?” Xion hesitantly said. 

Xemnas waved away Xion’s suggestion. “No, I’ll just pass my movie choice to Vanitas.” As people started to settle down again Xemnas spoke under his breath, “I was getting sick of watching Ideal Intonation anyway.” 

“WHAT!” Xigbar shouted. “If you were getting sick of it why did you keep requesting it!? Do you know how many ‘accidents’ we had to set up so we wouldn’t have to watch your damn movie anymore? And you just kept buying replacements!” 

Xemnas seemed thoroughly embarrassed. Many of the organization was shocked to see the boss blush such a crimson red. He was usually so stoic. 

“Well you see,” Xemnas hesitated, glancing at the rest of the crowd. “I do not know any other movies.” he held out a hand to stop anyone from saying anything. “I know I’ve seen others now that we hold these movie nights, but when we first started and you had me choose, it was the only movie I had ever seen. After that I didn’t want to suggest what someone else had chosen so I stayed with the only movie I knew.” 

“That’s path-” Vexen began 

“So sad!” Demyx interrupted. “You should have said something sooner, we would have loved to introduce you to more movies!” 

“Demyx, I think that’s-” 

Roxas was also cut off. “Come here Xemnas, I’ll take you under my wing!” To show what he meant, Demyx stood up from his place on the floor and slung an arm around Xemnas’s shoulder. “I’ll show you what movies have to offer, just tell me what you like to see and I can find you a bunch of movies that will keep you entertained.” 

Demyx was shoved down by Xigbar, “Don’t listen to him Xem-Xem, I can show you movies that’ll knock your socks off.” 

Xigbar was pushed aside by Luxord, “Now if you want to see a real good movie, I’m your man.” 

“Stop.” Xemnas said emphatically. “Your… enthusiasm to introduce me to good movies does not go unnoticed.” he carefully untangled himself from the group. “But I will be fine if we can settle down and watch tonight's movies. And have me permanently taken off the list for choosing movies.” 

Finally, everything got figured out, Sora was called back from time-out and people got into their accustomed positions. The lights were turned off, the movies started and the night continued on as normal. Or at least, as normal as anything ever was in the family of Yakuza 13.


	15. Into the Gargoyle's Lair: Age - 4

Vanitas sighed. There was nothing to do, and it was making him irritated. He and Sora were sitting on the front porch of Uncle Eraqus’s house. Sora was humming idly, which didn’t improve Vanitas’s mood. 

It was supposed to be Vexen and Marluxia’s turn to parent. Unfortunately, there had been an emergency situation where Vexen’s medical skills were needed, and due to an ammo shortage Marluxia was out on a business meeting to get some more, which meant the twins were stuck at Uncle Eraqus’s. It had all been fine until Eraqus had gotten a call from a client and needed to take care of that, and had left the boys alone, telling them to play nicely. 

The last time Vanitas and Ventus had been left alone and told to “play nicely” Vanitas had decided to try out a choke hold he’d seen Lexaeus use on Larxene when she was particularly angry at Sora for spilling his grape juice on her. Luckily Sora had persuaded his brother to let go by threatening to tell on him before Ventus had blacked out, but Ventus knew that so long as he didn’t get maimed, anything went with his cousin. In the interest of self-preservation, he had fled to the safety of his and Terra’s room until his siblings returned from school and the coast was clear. 

Without Ventus to bully, Vanitas didn’t know what to do. Sora suggested they continue their battle with imaginary nemesis Naxen, but Vanitas didn’t feel like playing make-believe right now. So there they sat on the porch, Sora as cheerful as always and Vanitas getting more annoyed by the minute. 

Vanitas scanned the street in front of them. Across the street was Ms. Kala and Mr. Kerchak’s house. If Terk were there, Vanitas might want to go over, since Terk was in a punk rock band and had promised to teach Vanitas to play guitar when he got big. But like Terra and Aqua, Terk was at school still. At least that also meant Terk’s older brother Tarzan and Jane from next door were also at school. Jane had babysat them a couple times. The last time, Sora had overheard her complaining about what a weirdo Tarzan was lately, and told her it was only because Tarzan liked her. Jane had dismissed the idea. What she wasn’t so dismissive of was Tarzan appearing at her door wearing a suit to ask her out the next month. Since then, the two of them were always together, and always super mushy. Vanitas wrinkled his nose. Kissing was gross. 

As for the rest of the street, they couldn’t really check it out much. All because of the houses on either side of Uncle Eraqus’s. On one side was Ms. Queen. Ms. Queen was as mean as they came. Every time Sora and Vanitas came over, she screeched at them from her front porch about everything under the sun. They were too loud. They were too quiet. They were on her lawn. They were in the street. They were too rowdy. They were obnoxious. They could do no right in her eyes, and as such she had called them every name she could think of. Vanitas didn’t mind so much, but Sora cried sometimes because of things she said. Vanitas kept reminding him about sticks and stones, but Sora was such a crybaby that he’d still get upset no matter what his brother said. And then there was the house on the other side. That house was scary. Vanitas had heard a gargoyle lived there. He’d heard that inside was a monster that ate kids. Especially little ones like Sora. They couldn’t go anywhere near that house, or else really bad things would happen to them. 

Sora stopped humming, as if he sensed Vanitas’s thoughts. Vanitas suspected that Sora did in fact read his mind sometimes, and so just in case he started singing inside his head as loud as he could imagine. Sora didn’t react. Instead, he said the worst possible thing. 

“I wanna see what the gargoyle looks like.” 

“W-what?” Vanitas couldn’t keep a slight tremor out of his voice. But he wasn’t scared. It was mostly Sora who was in danger from the gargoyle, right? 

“I wanna know. I never seen a gargoyle before, so I wanna know what one looks like.” 

“I-it’s probably pretty boring. R-right?” Why did he keep stammering like that? 

“No, it’ll be really cool. Like grasshoppers!” 

“Grasshoppers aren’t cool.” Vanitas didn’t actually think this, but maybe if he started an argument with Sora then his twin would forget all about seeing what the gargoyle looked like. 

“Well, the gargoyle will be.” No such luck. Sora still wanted to see the gargoyle. What could Vanitas do? 

“But the gargoyle eats kids. He eats ‘em alive. He starts with your eyeballs, and then he-” 

“Does not! Everyone knows he likes to eat your legs first! So you can’t run away, right?” 

“H-he does?” 

“No. I made that up.” Sora smiled, proud of himself for fooling Vanitas for once. Wait til he told cousin Ven! 

“O-oh. I knew that. Haha. Ha. Ha…” Vanitas laughed nervously. 

“You’re just scared, aren’t you?” 

“Am not!” 

“Oh yeah? Then why don’t you go inside?” 

“You’re not supposed to go into other people’s houses without permission,” Vanitas said smugly. He might not care about the rules, but Sora did. 

“But you went into Genie’s house without permission to search for jet packs.” That was a week ago, danggit! How could Sora not remember what happened on the episode of Magic Rangers last night but he could remember what trouble Vanitas had gotten into a week ago? 

“T-that was…” 

“I triple dog dare you.” Oh no. Now Sora had done it. There was no way Vanitas could back down now. You HAD to do a triple dog dare. Why couldn’t one of their dads return to pick them up right now? 

But neither Vexen nor Marluxia’s cars were in sight, meaning Vanitas had to do it. He got to his feet slowly. 

“I’ll show you. I’m not afraid at all.” He managed to keep his voice steady, but his knees weren’t quite so obedient. He wasn’t afraid though. He wasn’t afraid of anything! 

Vanitas fearlessly strode forward. In his mind anyways. In reality, he took slow, shaky steps his feet barely passing each other as he crept forward. Sora followed, humming again. It was that song from that shark movie they’d watched the one time. Sora would definitely pay for this. After Vanitas proved he wasn’t scared of course. 

Vanitas walked over to the front door. He hoped it was locked, so he’d have an excuse not to go in, but it opened easily. He turned back and saw Sora watching. With a gulp, he went in. 

He left the door open in case he needed to make a quick escape. Sora closed it though as he followed. Vanitas led the way, peeking cautiously into each room before retreating. It looked like an ordinary house, and there were no kids’ bones anywhere. He’d been right. This was pretty boring. 

“What are you two doing here?” A voice boomed from behind them. Vanitas jumped about a foot in the air. He didn’t scream though. He was too scared too. Sora whirled around and tripped over his shoelace, falling over. Vanitas conveniently ignored the shoelace, and decided that Sora had tripped because he was scared. 

The speaker was a man, hunched over and somewhat misshapen. Sora beamed up at him in his usual friendly manner, while Vanitas looked around for a weapon just in case gargoyles could take on human form and this man transformed. 

“We heard there was a gargoyle here!” Sora said, jumping to his feet like the energetic little freak that he was. 

“A gargoyle?” 

“Yeah! But we haven’t seen one yet. Do you know where it is?” 

“They probably meant me. I’m not a gargoyle, but they think I look like one.” 

“Why? Because you’re ugly?” The man’s mouth twitched at the brutal honesty of youth, but he nodded. It was a fact that he was more than used to, and the reason he rarely ever left this house. 

“Well, that’s not very nice of them. Just because you’re ugly doesn’t mean you’re a monster.” 

“Erm, thank you. You’re Eraqus’s nephews, right?” 

“Yeah. He’s our uncle!” 

“Stupid, that’s what nephew means!” Vanitas hissed, then wished he hadn’t as the man looked at him. 

“I know that,” Sora protested. “Do you know our uncle?” he asked the man. 

“Oh yes. Eraqus is a great man. He’s been so kind to me ever since I moved in. He even taught me how to play Hanafuda.” 

“What’s that?” 

“It’s a card game. From Japan.” 

“Can you teach us?” Sora asked. 

“It’s a little hard…” the man said. When he noticed Sora’s crestfallen look, he added “but I have other games if you want to play.” 

“Really? Like what?” 

“I’ll show you.” The man led the way to a door and opened it to reveal a closet full of board games. There were all the twins’ favorites, as well as many they’d never heard of. 

“I love board games, they’re lots of fun. Though I don’t really have anyone to play with, so I mostly just carve things instead.” Vanitas remembered a wooden cathedral he’d seen on a table in one of the other rooms, surrounded by small wooden people. 

“Did you carve that church?” he blurted out before his brain could tell his mouth not to do so. 

“Yes. There’s not a whole lot else to do.” The man looked sad. Vanitas felt a little bad for him. Sora apparently did too. 

“If no one comes to play with you, then maybe we could. Whenever we’re here. And then we can be friends, right? And then you can teach us to play that Anna, erm, Hannah, uh…” 

“Hanafuda?” 

“Yeah! That!” 

“I’d like that.” 

“Then it’s settled. We’ll be your friends. I’m Sora, and this is Vanitas. He’s scared of gargoyles, by the way.” 

“I am not!” Vanitas yelped. 

“My name is Quasimodo,” the man said. “But you can call me Quaz.” 

“Okay!” Sora’s stomach rumbled, as it was almost lunch time. Oops. “Um, Mr. Quaz, do you happen to have any snacks?” he asked. 

* * *

Half an hour later, the boys were just leaving after playing a game of Uh-oh. The boys were both happy, Sora because he got to be red and Vanitas because he had won. 

As the boys trooped across the lawn, someone shouted “there they are!” and Vexen, Marluxia, and Eraqus all came running. Behind them, Ven followed more slowly, wiping away tears. 

“Ah, Eraqus, sorry. It was my fault. They wanted to play a game and I didn’t think to call,” Quasimodo explained, blinking as he came out into the sunlight. He was more ugly in the sunlight, but no one commented on it. Vexen was too busy checking Sora for bruises and scrapes and Marluxia was trying to hug Vanitas to death. Only Eraqus, responded, picking up Ventus as he did so. 

“Oh, so they were with you?” Quasimodo nodded. “Well, that’s a relief then.” Eraqus turned to the twins. “Boys, please don’t wander off without telling anyone.” 

“Well you’re the one who wasn’t-” Marluxia began, but Eraqus silenced him with a look. 

“Would you prefer I ignore my business calls?” he asked icily. Both Vexen and Marluxia shook their heads. 

“Uncle Eraqus, can we go play with Mr. Quaz next time?” Sora asked. 

“As long as you tell someone where you are going, yes.” 

They all headed inside for lunch. Eraqus invited Quasimodo along, but Quaz balked at being outside his home for so long. He’d been a recluse for so long, that even if he wasn’t truly agoraphobic it was hard for him to go outside. 

Over lunch, Ventus apologized for closing his door on them, and gave them both hugs. Poor Ven had been questioned quite angrily about what had happened to the twins, and felt that if something had happened to them, it would have been his fault. Vanitas, still in a good mood from winning, even hugged him back without squeezing too hard. 

The boys returned home, but as promised, they made sure to visit Quaz to play games pretty often. With time, they even managed to coax Terra and Aqua, who were surprised to find Quaz wasn’t monstrous at all, and Ven along. And they weren’t at all surprised to find little wooden versions of themselves at the top of the cathedral, alongside one that looked like Quaz.


	16. Busybodies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to seven years before the twins' arrival, to a time when Xemnas's neighbors are very concerned- on his behalf.

The trek up the stairs to his apartment seemed so long. It was only to the second floor, and yet, it felt like he was climbing Mt. Everest. His hands fumbled with his keys, almost dropping them before he managed to grip the right one and insert it into his lock. The door opened with its usual creaking noise, and he trudged inside. He locked the door behind him and shuffled into the living room to collapse gratefully on the couch. 

Xemnas had barely gotten comfortable when the doorbell rang. He ground his teeth, but got up and answered it with a- well, he couldn’t really smile, and whenever he tried to look pleasant people told him he looked nauseated or gassy, so a non-hostile look was the best he could manage as he answered the door. Non-hostile meaning a completely blank and neutral expression. 

When he saw who was at the door, Xemnas only just managed to keep his expression non-hostile, as there was a police officer there. 

“Are you the resident of this apartment?” the cop asked. 

“Yes, I am,” Xemnas replied. 

“I see. Well, uh…” the cop was apparently new. “You see, your neighbors called a while ago, and they seemed to think you’d been kidnapped. Something about some shady-looking guys coming to your place and taking you with them.” 

One of Xemnas’s colleagues, Xigbar, had told him time and time again that he really ought to move out of this apartment. He’d known the man had a point, but this certainly proved it. A few members of his gang show up to escort him to a meeting, and his neighbors called the cops? Unacceptable. 

“I’m sure they must have misunderstood the situation. I assure you, officer, I was in no danger from the men who came to my apartment this evening.” The men who he’d gone with them to meet, on the other hand, well they were a different story. But this guy didn’t need to know about that. 

“I’m glad to hear it. Sorry to have bothered you,” the officer said, and off he went. 

Xemnas closed the door and began muttering angrily in Japanese. Hungry, he decided to fix himself an omelette. He’d just gotten out the eggs and some bacon and vegetables when the doorbell rang again. He resumed the non-hostile look, even though it was quite unnatural and a little bit painful to him, and went to answer the door. It was the couple from next door. 

“Oh thank goodness!” the woman exclaimed. “We were so worried!” 

“I do apologize for coming over so late,” the man said. “But we saw you being taken away by those thugs earlier and we assumed the worst. It’s a relief to see you okay.” 

“There was no need for concern. Really, I’m quite alright. But thank you for looking out for me,” Xemnas said. He even managed to not be too stiff as he said it. Reassured, the couple returned to their apartment and their little brat. 

Back inside, Xemnas got to work making his omelette. He had just finished it and gotten it on the plate and was getting out the ketchup when the doorbell rang a third time. It took most of Xemnas’s self-control not to scream “Go away!” After all, it could be one of his associates with an emergency. 

Xemnas opened the door to find the little old lady from the unit by the stairs standing there. 

“Oh my,” she said in her raspy voice that made Xemnas want to give her a glass of water or twenty. She peered closely at him. “You don’t look hurt at all. Youngsters are so strong these days.” 

“Why would I be hurt?” Xemnas asked through gritted teeth. 

“Huh? Whazzat?” the woman asked. She always spoke quietly, yet she was the only person she could ever hear clearly. Everyone else had to speak at top volume to be heard. 

“Why would I be hurt?” Xemnas repeated, stooping a little so he was speaking into her ear. 

“Oh! Because those nasty men came for you. They looked veeeery dangerous. I should lend you my cane, so that if they come again you can hit them with it. Worked on that salesman who wouldn’t go away. Might work on them too!” The old woman cackled a bit and toddled off. Xemnas took a look around the landing, making sure no one else wanted to be nosy, then slammed the door pointedly and locked it. 

* * *

After that, Xemnas made it a point to stress that only non-threatening individuals should come to his doorstep. No visible weapons, no scars, no patented mean looks in their eyes, pleasant faces, no crazy hair, not too big, and dressed casually but not too casually. This meant that mostly new recruits came to his apartment. And yet somehow, they still caused concern. 

Before long, Xemnas had to spread around his apartment complex that he was volunteering for a tutoring program for troubled youths. It was a little difficult to explain why they usually came to his apartment and left with him, but Xemnas managed to convince people that he also mentored some of his students, letting them come by when they had troubles. Somehow, it worked. 

But there were times when the new recruits weren’t available, or there were messages to important to entrust to someone green. And for some reason, it always ended up being Xigbar who came at those times. Xemnas had told the members of his gang time and time again not to send Xigbar, but the man still kept showing up. Now generally speaking, whatever job you needed done, Xigbar was your man. Needed someone killed? Needed to scare someone? Needed the pockets of an entire tour bus picked? Xigbar could do it all. Nothing scared him, not even the time that one girl had dared him to go buy a box of tampons. But when you were trying to pass as a non-threatening law-abiding citizen… well, he just didn’t cut it. The scars on his face and his hairstyle and that glint in his eyes and just everything about him really screamed his mercenary profession. It was only a matter of time before Xemnas’s neighbors called the cops again. 

When Xemnas answered the door to Xigbar yet again, he was on the verge of explaining all this, no matter how indirect he would end up being. But then he noticed the old lady coming out of their apartment. She saw someone at his door, stopped, squinted, and… 

Smiled. The old lady from the apartment by the stairs smiled. And waved. And Xigbar waved back. She slowly walked over, every step causing the pounding of Xemnas’s heart to redouble until he felt like it was one long extended beat. 

“Hello again, young man. Mr. Xemnas, your friend here is just so nice! You know, the other day he helped me get the bag of food I got for my dog up the stairs, and then he even stayed for a bit to help me water my plants. I didn’t even have to get the stepstool out to reach the ones that are hanging, all thanks to him! What a lovely person.” 

“Oh, nonsense,” Xigbar said. “After you offered me your homemade scones how could I not help out a bit? It was no trouble, really.” 

This was only the first such encounter Xemnas had. After he’d heard Xigbar’s praises sung from almost every resident in the block, he’d had enough. He did not need all his neighbors to love his colleague, and definitely not more than they liked him, and no he was not jealous! 

So the next time a rookie wasn’t available, they sent Xaldin. He was a pretty reliable chap, knew what he was doing well enough, but he could make even the most hardened criminal confess all his crimes and tell you where he hid the bodies and whatnot with a single glance thanks to that face of his. 

Needless to say, Xemnas was not surprised when the man next door came over to talk to him about Xaldin. He was, however, very surprised when the man complimented him on his good taste in friends and asked if Xemnas would like to join him and Xaldin when they went jogging later. Xemnas politely declined, wondering how on earth the man and Xaldin had gotten along so well. It was only after much thought that he remembered having seen the man from next door in a military uniform once. Xaldin did seem to do rather well with those army types. 

Before long, Xemnas’s newest leadership recruit, Lexaeus, had also stopped by and endeared himself to Xemnas’s neighbors, playing hopscotch with the local children and bringing cookies for them that their parents would stampede to try and get just one before they were all eaten. It was infuriating, the way his scariest thugs could pass for normal the easiest. And it was completely unfair too. 

Luckily, Xemnas’s lease was up at the end of that month. His neighbors all wished him a rather fond goodbye, and even threw him a going away party. They were too nice, these people. Too soft. His father could destroy the lot of them within a week. But Xemnas supposed that they weren’t so bad, and that maybe he didn’t hate them. He might even wish he were going to stick around if they weren’t so nosy.


	17. A Doctor At War: Age - 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions of PTSD.

The nightmares probably meant that he had Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. But somehow Vexen never got around to seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist. It seemed a little embarrassing, that as a doctor he would need to see a doctor himself. So Vexen dealt with it as best he could. He made sure that all dangerous items were put away with the child locks on all the drawers and cabinets before going to bed. He set up obstacles in case he went sleepwalking. It was fine when he was at home, but on nights he had to parent, well, he slept restlessly, if at all, because the right dream might be dangerous to those two dear little boys, and he couldn’t let that happen. 

Tonight he’d been dreaming again. He’d been hiding beneath his shield. It had been a gag gift, a joke from a friend who was going with him into the war zones. Vexen regretted accepting the gift, since he had made it home again, and his friend had not. The shield had saved Vexen, but it couldn’t protect everyone. 

Vexen couldn’t say where he was in the dream. Each place he’d been to had been unique, with its own terrain and landmarks. And yet, somehow the blood of the people who died in those places seemed to wash over them in his mind so that despite their differences, they all blended together. Sometimes he could remember things clearly. He could see a plant and remember a patch of a similar plant in this country or that, but then the next he’d be uncertain as to where it was he saw the geyser field or the rock face that looked like a bird in flight from the right angle. Though in the end, did it matter where he’d been in the dream? Would placing it help at all? 

Perhaps the PTSD had been the reason Vexen had joined the Yakuza 13 in the first place. After returning from his travels, a simple life with a local practice had seemed too slow. It was so… tame. And mundane. He’d missed the action. And so when he was contacted by an old soldier he’d saved once with the prospect of joining a gang, he’d jumped at the chance, eager for something a little more active. And the Yakuza 13 hadn’t disappointed. But what didn’t make sense to Vexen was how he could be dissatisfied with a life free of combat, and yet still be traumatized by the battles from his past. 

“Doc?” a little voice called from the doorway. He rolled over to see two small silhouettes standing there, outlined by the nightlight in the hall. 

“What is it, boys? You two should be in bed,” Vexen said, sitting up. 

“Can’t sleep,” one of the boys said. With the light behind them, Vexen really couldn’t be sure which, though he would guess it was Vanitas. 

“You didn’t wet the bed again, did you Sora?” Vexen asked, knowing Vanitas hated to admit it if he’d peed on the sheets. 

“No,” both boys protested. “But Mar was reading scary stories,” one of the voices added. 

Vexen sighed. Damn that Marluxia. How many times had they told him not to read the boys horror stories? And especially not right before bed! That ought to be common sense, and yet Marluxia still did it. Vexen would have to talk to him. 

“It’s alright boys. Do you need me to check for monsters under your beds?” 

The boys shook their heads. 

“The monsters are good at hiding,” one of the boys said darkly. Definitely Vanitas, since Sora would never muster up such a tone. 

“We were wondering if we could sleep in here,” Sora said. “With you.” 

Vexen wanted to refuse with a strong “absolutely not”, but what kind of a parent would he be if he let them down right now? And it wasn’t like he expected to get any more sleep tonight, after the dream he’d had. 

“Alright. Come here,” Vexen said, and helped the boys up onto the bed. Strangely enough, as he tucked the boys in and lay down with his arms around each of them, Vexen felt himself relaxing. Before he knew it, he was lulled off to sleep. 

* * *

When Vexen awoke the next morning, he had a moment of panic. What if he’d harmed one of the boys? But on one side of him, he could hear the murmuring of Sora sleeping soundly, and on his other he could feel Vanitas rolling over. Both of them were alive and well. And furthermore, as far as Vexen could tell, he hadn’t moved at all. 

As Vexen carefully dislodged himself from the sleeping twins, he also realized that he hadn’t had any more nightmares. It had been very nice to get a good night’s sleep. 

So when the twins came in the next week, once again citing scary stories keeping them awake, Vexen readily let them stay. Week after week, the nights with the twins passed the same way. With the boys at his side, Vexen slept well. He’d even noticed an improvement in his sleep on nights when he wasn’t parenting. 

But the fact was, this was only happening due to Marluxia. And as much as Vexen wanted to keep having good dreams, he could not let his comfort come at the cost of the twins’. They didn’t need to suffer through scary stories so that he could sleep. 

* * *

“Marluxia, might I have a word?” Vexen asked. Marluxia looked up from the bonsai he was pruning. 

“About what?” 

“I thought we made it clear to you that it frightens the boys when you read them horror stories. You need to consider the content of what you’re reading them, and how it might affect them. They’re only children, you know.” 

“Oh. That,” Marluxia put his trimmers down. 

“Yes, that. You really-” 

“No wonder Zexion is always calling you an idiot. I was certain you’d see through their ruse from week one,” Marluxia told him. 

“Pardon?” 

“I haven’t been reading them anything that wasn’t on the story shelf. They simply noticed you don’t sleep well, and asked me what was wrong, and I told them you have bad dreams. JUST that you have bad dreams. They decided that you would feel better if you weren’t sleeping alone and as I am not inclined to assist in that regard, they took it upon themselves to do so.” 

“But why would they tell me you were reading them scary stories?” 

“Because I suggested to them that you might feel embarrassed unless you thought you were the one helping them.” 

“Oh.” Vexen certainly felt like an idiot at the moment, though he still categorically denied being one in general. 

Now that the truth was out, Vexen went out to find the boys. They were out playing in the yard, throwing some of the autumn leaves at each other. Vexen watched them play for a little bit, deciding what to say, then headed over to talk to them. 

“Boys, may I talk to you?” he asked. 

Sora shoved one last handful of leaves down his brother’s shirt, earning him a resentful glare and the possibility of retaliation. The boys turned to look at Vexen, who smiled down at them. Vexen wasn’t very good with kids, but he had a soft spot for children, and he loved these two particular children so. 

“Boys, I have a confession to make.” 

“What’s a conveshun?” Vanitas asked, his eyes screwing up as he tried to wrap his mind around the word. 

“It’s when you confess something. And confessing is when you tell people something you’ve been keeping from them. It means that what I’m about to tell you is the truth,” Vexen explained. The boys’ eyes got big, and they nodded solemnly. 

“We won’t tell a soul,” Sora whispered, and Vexen had to stop himself from laughing. 

“Thank you. The truth is, I have bad dreams sometimes. A lot of times. But when Marluxia reads you scary stories, and you can’t sleep, and you come sleep in my room with me? That actually helps me sleep. So I’d like to ask you two, even if Marluxia doesn’t read you scary stories, will you still come sleep with me sometimes?” 

The boys nodded earnestly. 

“Yes, Doc. We will,” they promised, making x-shaped motions across their chests to indicate a heart-crossing promise. 

“Thank you. Now why don’t I rake up these leaves into a pile for you,” Vexen offered. Sora nodded, eager to play some more, but Vanitas had that serious look in his eye. 

“Doc, how come you have bad dreams?” he asked. “Does Mar read you scary stories too?” 

“No. I lived a scary story. A long long time ago, before you two were born, before I even met your other dads and your moms, I used to travel as a doctor. Only I wasn’t taking care of sick people, I was taking care of people hurt in wars. Do you know what war is?” 

“It’s when people fight a lot!” Sora said, happy to know the answer. 

“Yes, they do fight a lot. And people get hurt. Badly hurt. And sometimes, if you’re there, even if you’re not fighting you get hurt too. So it’s very scary. People who are just trying to live their lives, people who are trying to help others, a lot of them, they get hurt, and some of them even die.” 

“They die?” The boys instinctively reached for each other’s hands. 

“Yes.” 

“Is the wars gonna come here?” Vanitas asked, tears welling up in his eyes. 

“No,” Vexen soothed. “The wars I saw were all very long ago, and very far away. They’re all over now. And no one will go to war here. Even if they did, me and your other dads and your moms and your Uncle Eraqus, we will keep you safe. All of us.” 

“Will cousin Aqua and cousin Ven and cousin Terra be safe too?” Sora queried. 

“Yes. We’ll keep them safe too. No one will get hurt.” 

“Did our other dads or Mama or Lady be in the wars?” Vanitas asked. 

“Well, Xaldin and Lexaeus spent some time in the army, though they were mostly in different places than me,” Vexen explained. 

“But if they weren’t there, then where were they?” Sora asked, his brow furrowing. 

“Well I don’t know. We hadn’t met yet.” 

“What do you mean? Weren’t you guys always together?” Sora asked, even more confused. 

“No, dear one. We were all separate once, and then we all met at different times. I met Xaldin and Lexaeus when Lexaeus brought Xaldin to me because he’d gotten injured. And then I met Xemnas and Xigbar when Xaldin invited me to come join the Yakuza 13, and the rest of them at whatever time they joined.” 

“So… a long long time ago, you didn’t know our other parents?” Vanitas asked slowly. 

“No.” 

“That must have been very sad,” Vanitas said, and hugged Vexen’s knee. Sora, who loved hugs, latched onto the other knee with a giggle. 

“Yes. I suppose it was, as I am much happier now, since I have everyone else and most importantly, I have you two.” 

Since neither of the boys would let go, Vexen staggered over to the rake with the boys hanging on, giggling as the motion of Vexen’s walking swung them around. Marluxia came outside and joined them, plucking Sora off of Vexen. The two men worked together to create a large pile for the boys to jump in, and afterwards they even played with the boys as well, holding them shrieking with joy by the ankles and lowering them head-first into the pile or burying them in leaves. 

Eventually, Vexen went inside to make dinner. But as he looked out the window at Marluxia and the boys, he smiled, knowing that from now on those twins would make sure he only had good dreams.


	18. Storytime: Age - 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In response to a reader comment regarding the ages of the characters, a note has been added to the end of the first chapter so you will be able to know how old everyone was at the start and do the math from there. We hope you find it helpful.

“Daddy Xigbar, will you tell us a story?” Sora asked. Xigbar smiled. This was his specialty. The boys had confided in him that he told the best stories. The others told really weird ones. 

“Alrighty. Which one do you want to hear this time?” Xigbar asked, running through his arsenal of fairy tales and adventure stories. There were also a few novels he could summarize if he eliminated certain inappropriate material from the version the boys heard. 

“A new one,” Vanitas said. “Not another one with alien invasions or dinosaurs. Make it realistic.” 

“With dragons!” Sora insisted. 

“Yeah, dragons,” Vanitas agreed. Xigbar wasn’t sure if this was Vanitas trying to be mature by not correcting his brother, or if Vanitas did in fact believe that dragons were real. 

“Hmmmm, dragons,” Xigbar mused. “Well, it just so happens I do know a few about dragons.” 

“Don’t forget to be realistic!” Vanitas ordered. 

“Well, in that case, I do happen to know a good story with a dragon in it that’s very realistic because it happens to be true.” 

Across the room, Xemnas shook his newspaper, causing the portion above his hands to flop downwards so he could see Xigbar and the twins, and so that Xigbar could see that his eyebrows were raised. 

“A true story involving a dragon? Do tell,” he said, clearly skeptical. Xigbar sniffed. Xemnas had no imagination. No wonder Xigbar was the best storyteller. 

“Oh come on. Maleficent is about as close to a fire-breathing dragon as you can get,” Xigbar argued. Xemnas shuddered and flipped the paper back up, and Xigbar knew he had won. 

“The dragon breathes fire?” Sora asked, his eyes wide. 

“Stupid, weren’t you listening. He didn’t say the dragon did breathe fire. He said she almost does. Everyone knows real dragons don’t breathe fire. They cough it. They breathe air, just like you and me, or else they’d die. Stupid.” 

“Vanitas, don’t call your brother stupid, or else I won’t tell the story.” Vanitas pouted, but he pursed his lips and moved his pinched thumb and forefinger across them and then twisted his fingers in front of them and made a throwing motion, as if he were zipping his lips, locking them, and tossing away the key. 

“Alright. So, once upon a time, there was this really cool guy named Xemnas.” 

The paper flopped down again. 

“Oh no you don’t. You are not using my name.” 

“Ugh. Fine.” The paper went up again. “There was this really cool guy named… Terranort. Yeah, Terranort.” It was the first thing that had popped into Xigbar’s head, though God only knew why. 

“There’s no way someone named Terranort could be cool,” Vanitas said, then covered his mouth as he realized his mistake. 

“Shhhhhhhhh!!!” Sora hissed noisily. 

“Well, this guy was. So anyways, Xe- I mean, Terranort had this girlfriend. 

“Ew, blech,” Sora said. 

“You didn’t tell us this was going to be mushy,” Vanitas said, disgust evident in his wrinkled nose. Apparently he could break his silence if Sora spoke first. 

“It’s not. Just listen. So X- Terranort and his girlfriend, the fae princess Maleficent-” 

“Fae as in fairies?” Sora asked. 

“Not like nice fairies, but yes, they do get called faeries.” 

“Cool!” 

“I thought you said Maleficent was a dragon,” Vanitas said. Xigbar had to admire the kid’s good memory. 

“Well she turned into a dragon.” 

“Can I turn into a dragon someday?” Vanitas asked hopefully. 

“Me too, me too!” Sora exclaimed. 

“Hush. You can turn into dragons if you be good and listen.” The boys put their hands over each other’s mouths, reminding each other not to interrupt so they could turn into dragons. 

“Well anyways, X-Terranort and Maleficent, they decided to start a… club… together. And Xem- Terranort’s dad, Xehanort-” The twins both made noises of distress at the use of Xemnas’s father’s real name. Their “grandfather” scared them. And none of the Yakuza 13 felt any inclination to assuage that fear. 

“Sorry. Terranort’s dad, um, Ansem, he went ahead and helped them make the club. But they needed members, so they went out to make some new friends. And one of the new members was this really awesome guy, like, he was even cooler than Terranort. He was just so awesome. And his name was Xig- oh wait, um, hm. His name was…” 

“Oh just use real names already you twit,” Xemnas said, folding up his newspaper and putting it aside. “And I’m not done with the paper yet so don’t go making hats out of it yet,” he told the twins with a glare. 

“Right. Um…” Xigbar gave Xemnas a questioning glance. 

“Go on. Continue,” Xemnas said, gesturing towards Xigbar with an open hand to indicate that he was free to speak. 

“Okay, so Terranort was just a nickname this guy Xemnas used. And the new friend was named Xigbar. So anyways, Xemnas and Xigbar became the best of friends, and they were so close Maleficent got jealous. And so she turned into a dragon.” 

“Rather creative way to tell things,” Xemnas remarked drily. 

“You be quiet too. Anyways, Maleficent wanted different things than Xemnas, so they started fighting. And then they broke up. And their club split up too, with some of their new friends going with Maleficent, and some staying with Xemnas, and some leaving the club entirely. The super awesome Xigbar stayed with his pal Xemnas of course. 

“It was really tough for them, trying to keep the club going. But they soon made even more friends. Some of their friends were Xaldin, Vexen, and Lexaeus. And after that their club was much stronger, and so they were able to keep it going, forever and ever. Until one day they met two little boys named Sora and Vanitas, who helped them become the most awesome club in the world. And someday those little boys will become dragons like Maleficent did, only where Maleficent was a bad bad dragon and was very mean, Sora and Vanitas will be good dragons who are just really cool.” 

“Yeah!” Sora cheered. 

“But what if I want to be a bad dragon?” Vanitas asked. 

“Dummy, bad dragons get killed. Good dragons get to live as long as they want. They could live for… for… for a decade!” 

“I suppose I’ll be a good dragon then,” Vanitas said. 

Across the room, Xemnas was shaking his head. Of course the real story wasn’t quite so simple. The real story involved Maleficent trying to have Xemnas killed so she could take full power, and Xemnas making a narrow escape covered by Xigbar’s sniping. The real story involved the two of them hiding underground for a while, until they managed to recruit Vexen for his medical skills and Xaldin for his military expertise, and Lexaeus for his military background and his sheer muscle. And once they had their new recruits, they had managed to storm the headquarters and take it back from Maleficent with the help of her many dissatisfied underlings who were sick of her mismanagement. In the end, Maleficent was allowed to survive and start the chain of casinos she owned: many of which had dragon themes. 

“Is that how you and all the other parents became friends?” Sora asked. 

“That was the beginning, yes. Some of the other parents didn’t come until later.” 

“Wow,” Sora said. 

A clock struck 7. 

“Bedtime,” Xemnas ordered. 

“Awww,” the boys chorused. “Can’t we stay up until Pappy and Ma get here?” 

“No.” 

The boys trudged off to bed. 

“You know, I rather like that image of Maleficent as a dragon…” Xemnas mused. 

Xigbar wondered if the next Yakuza 13 motto Xemnas came up with would have something to do with slaying dragons. He hoped not. Their gang tried to play up an eastern influence, both in the name and the kimonos they wore for business meetings, as well as in other things. And dragons were good luck in the east. 

“Alright old man. Why don’t you finish up your paper,” Xigbar said. 

What neither of the two men realized was that just the other week Vexen had told the boys his story. Having heard about the pasts of some of their parents had made the twins curious. From now on, the twins would want to know the origin stories of all their parents.


	19. The Savage Nymph: Age - 4

The clock by Larxene’s bedside read 6:45. She only acknowledged one 6:45 per day, and this was not it. That would be the evening one. So why was she awake right now? 

“Lady? Are you awake Lady? Lady wake up. Wake up, wake up, wake. Up,” a child’s voice shrilled. Ah yes. One of the twins. That explained the weight on her stomach. Probably Sora. Sora had bad dreams sometimes, nightmares about beings called “heartless”. He sometimes wet the bed from the nightmares. And sometimes Vanitas wet the bed, since that was something little boys did apparently, and then he’d have Sora claim responsibility and wake whatever miserable soul was parenting that night. Larxene was not getting up at the crack of dawn to wash sheets. Lexaeus could handle this one. 

“Vanitas, she’s not waking up,” Sora whined. 

“Move over, I’ve got the jello,” Vanitas said in that tone of voice of his that no four year old should be able to use. Larxene sat up, sending Sora rolling backwards onto her legs. 

“Alright, you win. No beauty sleep for this lady. You could have gotten your father to wash the sheets, but no, you have to wake me up instead.” As she griped, Larxene noticed that Vanitas had no jello, only a smirk on his smug little face. What a brat. 

“I didn’t wet the bed though,” Sora whispered, looking very ashamed. Good. Now if only he could teach that feeling of shame to his brother. 

“Yes, Vanitas did,” she snapped, shoving her hair out of her face. Some days she just wanted to cut it. But then even fewer people would remember she was a woman. Just because she was one of the top brass, people treated her like a man- not that it was really a problem exactly, it just got a little weird when your colleagues did a survey and found out that 97% of the gang you were in forgot you were a woman most of the time. Even Vexen, the ruddy doctor of the Yakuza 13, had to be reminded. Xion didn’t get this kind of treatment. But then again, half the people only knew Xion as “Roxas’s girlfriend”, and didn’t even realize she was technically part of the Yakuza 13. So Larxene would keep her hair longer than she really wanted, even if it annoyed her. 

“No I didn’t!” Vanitas protested. “I don’t wet the bed!” 

“Pfft. Whatever,” Larxene said, rolling her eyes. 

“Neither of us wet the bed,” Sora insisted. “We just had to ask you something really really really _really_ important.” 

“Alright. Tell me. What is so important?” The twins exchanged a look. 

“Well, it’s-” Vanitas began. 

“Wejustwantedtoknowhowyoumetallourotherparents,” Sora said. 

Ah yes… That story. A bit of uncharacteristic nostalgia welled within Larxene, and she found herself thinking up the best way to tell it instead of chewing them out for waking her up for this. She resettled Sora on her lap, while Vanitas took a seat on the floor. 

“Well, it began after I finished high school…” she said. 

* * *

Larxene could remember very clearly how she had joined the Yakuza 13. She remembered the day she’d joined in almost perfect detail. It had been a rather sweet moment, full of satisfaction. It had been even better than any of her successes as a cat burglar. 

In some ways, she owed it all to her parents she supposed, though she wasn’t likely to thank them for the happiness she’d achieved here. She didn’t need parents who had once kicked her out. She didn’t want anything to do with parents who refused to see the magic in everyday things and got angry at her for reading fairy tales and myths and not going through with the plan they’d created without consulting her, the one where she got a degree in accounting and went to go work for her daddy’s bank. She had every right to refuse that plan. But her parents hadn’t thought so and had kicked her to the curb by changing the locks while she was out. 

She’d showed them though. As if she’d leave without her collection of fairy tales or her quartz crystals or the doll her grandmother had given her. If they wanted to be rude, she could be rude right back. After all, she’d learned from them, and had long since surpassed them. If they changed the locks, then she would pick them. 

It was a ridiculous plan, and yet it had actually worked. It had been pretty easy. And so when she decided to try her hand at picking some more locks and turned out to be good at it? Well, why not hone her skill set? She’d joined a group of sneak thieves, and after learning what she could she’d set off on her own because they were jerks. Also they were only out for a profit. Money was nice, but some of the art she stole was much nicer. Like, what kind of idiot wouldn’t want to keep that painting she’d taken, the one of the fairies in the moonlight that was done in such beautiful jewel tones? 

Larxene had soon become famous- or infamous. She was making headlines regularly, known as “the savage nymph.” She rather liked that moniker. 

The problem with being infamous though, was that the price on her head soon became too great for her to stick around. So she’d found herself leaving her hometown for the first time in her life. As she’d driven out of town, she thought back on everything she was leaving behind. She couldn’t have been happier to let it go. Good riddance. 

After bouncing around, staying here and there for a week or two, she’d ended up in the same city as the Yakuza 13. She hadn’t planned on staying there either, but there, right in the middle of the downtown area, was a building like a castle. Oh sure, it was very modern and had big windows and wasn’t made of stone, but oh was it like something from a dream. She wanted it. She wanted to break in, to say she’d been there, and to see what treasures it held. No, not wanted- needed. 

Once she’d made her decision, problems had arisen one after another. The security system was no joke. And there were people around at all hours. And in her intel gathering, she found that the tenants were the dangerous gang that ran a good chunk of this city. She knew she shouldn’t risk this heist. But how could she resist it? The answer was simple. She couldn’t. 

Eventually Larxene found her way in. But even as she insisted to herself she should look around for treasures to be stealing, she found herself for once more interested in the people inside than any possible loot. For one, she’d always imagined that gangsters would look kinda like the trolls in her fairy tales. These people looked normal. And some even looked a bit like the way she’d pictured the knights to look under their armor: big and brawny, with chiseled faces as a result of the many battles they’d fought over the years. Like the guy with the scars on his face- he was still green though. Or the guy who seemed to be in charge. But they were still a little too “pretty” for her. Or there was also that guy with the sideburns… 

As Larxene spent more and more time observing, she began eavesdropping too. And when she overheard one guy telling another about a meeting, she decided to attend. It wasn’t exactly what she’d always dreamed of, but this place didn’t seem too bad for reality. 

The meeting day had arrived, and the leaders of the Yakuza 13 had walked in to find Larxene perched in a chair and waiting for them with the announcement that she was joining. When Xemnas had asked for her removal, her predecessor tried to force her out, only to get his finger broken. And when she’d revealed that she’d been sneaking in and out for almost two weeks, well Xemnas had been impressed, even if he wasn’t happy about it. So she’d been allowed to join, and even promoted to a leader. She found herself working alongside Zexion, a robotic kid who seemed too wimpy to match the rumors she’d heard of him also forcing his admission by beating up his predecessor, and Lexaeus, who was so very much her type. She’d found an old picture of him in army greens, and boy was he gorgeous. And with a little effort, he was hers. There were no strings attached, because they were both more interested in convenience than commitment, but things had changed. And now... 

* * *

“Lady? What began after you finished high school?” Sora asked. 

“Oh. Right. Um, well I got kicked out of home and… um…” Larxene didn’t feel comfortable telling the twins that she was a thief. It was one of those things the parents didn’t mention. They were bad guys. They didn’t care about that, but they thought the twins might. After all, the boys weren’t stupid. And they had consciences- or at least Sora did. Vanitas was a bit more doubtful. 

Sora’s eyes were wide. “You got kicked out of home?” 

“Yes, but I-” 

“We won’t ever kick you out, Lady. I promise. I’ll even pinky swear!” Sora said. He held out his pinky and with a sigh Larxene hooked hers through it. 

“Vanitas, you too,” Sora insisted, and Vanitas solemnly stood up and reached out to hook Larxene’s other pinky. He didn’t say anything, but Larxene could see in his eyes and feel in the way his pinky squeezed hers that he agreed with Sora. 

“Alright. But I thought that headquarters was cool, and so I went there and I made friends with everyone and that was that. The end.” 

From the doorway, Lexaeus chuckled. He was a light sleeper from his days in the military, and so he’d probably overheard their voices and awoken. 

“What? Got something to say?” Larxene snapped. 

“Not at all,” Lexaeus said in a sleepy rumble. He probably thought it was amusing how much she had shaved off of the story to tell the twins. Well, some things shouldn’t be discussed with children. Besides, they wouldn’t understand. 

Sora yawned widely, and Vanitas followed suit, blinking rapidly. The boys were tired. 

“Alright, brats. Back to bed,” Larxene said. They were such precious little squirts. Even if they did wake her up way too early. 

“Can’t we sleep with you and Father?” Sora asked. He had noticed that Larxene and Lexaeus sometimes slept in each other’s rooms. 

Larxene’s face reddened slightly, but it was still dark enough that no one noticed. 

“Alright. Come on,” she said, and lifted Vanitas into the bed. Sora rolled off of her lap, and within seconds the two of them began the gentle steady breathing of sleep. It still amazed Larxene how as babies these two had left all the parents frazzled with the way they never slept, but now they seemed to fall asleep anywhere. As Lexaeus joined them, making Larxene glad Xemnas had splurged on king-size mattresses for the parents’ rooms in the twins house, Larxene tucked the sheets around the twins. 

“They look so sweet,” she murmured. “Not quite like angels, since we all know Vanitas is anything but, but they’re just so…” 

Lexaeus rested a hand on hers. He knew what she meant. They shared a quick kiss, and then settled down to go back to sleep. 

Larxene’s parents may have kicked her out, but that was fine. She didn’t need them, since she had found herself a much better family.


	20. The Melodious Nocturne: Age - 4

Sora wasn’t singing along today. His face was scrunched up, and it made him look more like Vanitas than usual. It kind of hurt Demyx’s feelings, since Sora was one of the few people who didn’t tell him to shut up if he sang. If anything, he might have stopped singing altogether if it weren’t for the boys, and that in turn would have broken him. Demyx had music in his soul. He needed to sing. If Sora grew tired of singing together, he didn’t know what he would do. 

Demyx put the autoharp he’d brought for today down mid-song. He hated to stop music right in the middle like that, waiting in his car for a song to end or shushing people until the current track on his walkman was over. On one infamous occasion, he’d spent a week working for Larxene followed by a week working for Xaldin followed by a week working for Saix all because he’d refused to let Xemnas start the weekly meeting until “Bohemian Pie” had finished. This had gone over particularly badly as the song had only just started, and it was a long one. 

“Sora, does your tummy hurt?” he asked. 

“No…” Sora sighed. Demyx was no psychologist- like everyone else he left that stuff to Roxas- but it seemed to him that Sora was acting lovesick. Had some little girl at preschool caught his eye? Or maybe it was a guy. Demyx wasn’t into that gay stuff, but he’d rubbed noses with enough queer high-rollers that he tried not to discriminate. 

“Sora, just ask him!” Vanitas said, grabbing his brother’s shoulder and shaking him. “You said it was your turn, but if you won’t do it then I will!” 

“Ask me what?” Demyx asked. He wasn’t sure he liked where this was going. Sora sighed again. 

“How did you meet our other dads and our moms, Daddy-o?” Sora finally asked. Demyx was stunned. He would never have thought that story would interest the twins. Maybe a former fan, sure, but the twins knew nothing about his music career. And how was he supposed to explain that? 

“Oh, you knoooow,” he sing-songed. 

“Nuh-uh!” Sora protested. 

“Yeah. We already know that Xemnas started a club and daddy joined and they slayed a dragon together and then they met Pop and he already knew Doc and Father cuz they met at wars and then they saved Pappy and Ma and then Dad asked to be their friend and then Padre gave them the word of God who isn’t real and Lady got kicked out of her family and Papa and Mama were in love and Mar said he already knew you. But how did you know everyone else?” Vanitas said. Demyx spent a moment trying to figure out what his son had just spouted but quickly gave up. Sometimes these boys said the darnedest things. They were children, after all. 

“We-ell, ummm, you know, I think Pop Xaldin said he wants to give you two a horsey ride.” 

“But-” 

“In fact, I’m certain of it. Oh Xalllldiiiiinnnnnnn,” Demyx called, hurrying off to find his parenting partner and evade this conversation. It may have been eight years already, but some things you never got over enough to talk about. 

* * *

Demyx had had an ordinary enough childhood. That wasn’t as uncommon in the Yakuza 13 as you might think. In fact, the only truly peculiar childhood among the leaders belonged to Xigbar, who had been raised by wolves- or so he said, though everyone knew he meant it in a figurative sense. Probably. And Roxas, with his nightmare story of the foster care system and maybe Marluxia, who never told anyone anything about his past. Or about himself really. He and Demyx had a fairly long-standing friendship at this point, but aside from the fact that they were friends, Demyx hardly knew a thing about the guy. 

So Demyx had grown up a normal enough kid. He had loving parents who sometimes nagged him about his grades, good friends who he sometimes smoked pot with because that was cool, and he lived in his happy little suburb dreaming of the day he’d get out. He loved to sing and play guitar, and he was good at it. He was good at any stringed instrument really, as he’d played violin, viola, and cello in orchestra before he finally quit, and he had a cheap ukulele someone had gotten him, and he could play any tune you wanted on all of them. He was a virtuoso, and the orchestra conductor cried over his lack of ambition. But the conductor was wrong. Demyx did have ambition, it just wasn’t a classical one. 

Demyx wrote his first song when he was nine. It was a horrible song really, but quite good for something written by a nine-year-old. Demyx continued writing songs, and when he was old enough he’d take the bus into the city and sing on street corners. It took a few years, but when he was 20 he finally got recruited. He was going to be a rockstar. 

Marluxia had been Demyx’s flatmate at the time he got recruited. They didn’t really know each other well- Demyx and some friends had found a place but needed another person and Marluxia answered the ad. It had actually been in part thanks to Marluxia that Demyx got noticed, as Marluxia had kindly helped him spiff up his appearance before going out that fateful day, and as a result the two built up enough of a ken that they stayed in touch even after they moved out. As Demyx began his rise to stardom, Marluxia somehow became an arms dealer. 

The first thing Demyx had learned as he began his career was that connections were everything. Who you knew counted, and so Demyx made it a point to know everybody. No matter how unimportant they seemed, they mattered, and Demyx knew it. This would be the thing that ultimately saved him. 

For unknown to Demyx, his manager was racking up some huge debts. His manager had picked up some drug addictions, was something of a gambler, and did horribly with his stock market and real estate investments. After a particularly bad loss to a former priest in a poker game, the manager realized he’d be unable to pay back any of his debts, and ran. 

If Demyx had hoped to continue his barely started career without a manager, he would soon be faced with the extreme hopelessness of it all as the men who his manager owed money to wanted their money back, and since the man himself couldn’t pay them back, they sent their sharks after someone who presumably could: the manager’s cash cow, Demyx. 

Having loan sharks after him really put a damper on Demyx’s career. He was already sinking due to the scandal involving his manager, who had apparently even stolen money from their production company. Still, no one was more surprised than Demyx when he managed to beat up the loan sharks who were supposed to be beating him up. It was quite shocking. But it got Demyx a lot of negative attention, as somehow he was transformed from up-and-coming demigod to swindler’s accomplice to violent maniac who hospitalized six guys, never mind that it was in self-defense. 

As Demyx’s label was threatening to turn him out on his ear, he was approached by a strange man with silver hair and pointed ears and orange eyes who offered him a job. Demyx might not have taken it, but one of the perks involved protection. He was sold. 

Within months Demyx had learned that many important people had friends in low places. His extensive network for achieving fame doubled nicely as an extensive network through the underground. He was better at being a gangster than he would have thought. And so, with a somewhat sad heart that was at least unburdened by loan sharks, Demyx kissed his career as the Melodious Nocturne goodbye. 

Demyx's life now wasn't too bad. But that didn't mean he didn't miss the old days, or think about the way things could have been. And that's why he couldn't talk about it. Sometimes letting go was really hard.


	21. Parents?: Age - 5

It was the third day of school, and Sora and Vanitas felt like they’d been sold a false dream. In many of their storybooks, children went to school. Kids also went on adventures and visited different worlds and fought with swords shaped like keys in their books, and all that was exciting, so school must be too. The boys wanted to be like the kids in their books, so they’d been eagerly anticipating school. But so far, it wasn’t at all what they’d imagined. 

The first day had been bad enough. They were expected to sit still, be quiet, keep their hands to themselves, stay in line, no running, and so much more. It was demanding. And when they were allowed to run and play and make noise of any kind, it was only for a little while until the whistles blew, and if you didn’t go line up then you would get yelled at and have to sit in time out. Meanwhile, they were expected to spend a whole hour lying silently during nap time. Neither of the twins knew exactly how long an hour was yet, but they knew it was a long time. They watched the clock impatiently, since Vexen had told them once an hour was the time it took for the little hand to move from one number to the next, and for the bigger hand to move all the way around. The hands in question weren’t even moving. 

Between the two of them, they had been assigned more time-outs than the rest of the class combined. Most of it was Sora’s fault. He just couldn’t sit still, and being quiet and using an inside voice was difficult for him as well. Vanitas got in trouble for name-calling and telling a girl her drawing of a cat looked ugly. And to make matters worse, even with their difference in eye color, their teachers couldn’t tell them apart. They’d never encountered this before and did not know what to make of being called by the wrong name. Was it amusing or was it annoying? 

Today was now the third day, and the boys were playing in the sand box. They were pirates looking for buried treasure. An enemy pirate approached. 

“How come someone different from yesterday dropped you off today?” the enemy pirate asked. 

“Arrrrh,” Sora responded. The enemy pirate seemed afraid, and for a moment the twins believed victory had been obtained. No such luck. 

“Because my mommy always picks me up. She wouldn’t let strangers take care of me. Your mommy must not love you and is trying to sell you to the bogeyman.” 

“Pop says the bogeyman isn’t real!” Sora protested. 

“And our moms and dads would never let strangers take care of us. They got really mad when it happened before, and said we should never talk to strangers,” Vanitas added. 

“Teacher said you two are brothers so how comes you gots different parents?” a second enemy pirate asked, having overheard. The first must be the captain, and this was the first mate. 

“We don’t gots different parents! That’s silly. We have all the same moms and dads,” Sora said, and stuck his tongue out. 

“And an uncle and grandpa,” Vanitas pointed out. 

“Are your moms and dads divorced then?” the captain asked. 

“What’s divorced?” the twins asked together. They’d never heard of divorced. 

“It’s when your mommy and daddy aren’t together anymore,” the first mate said with an air of superiority. 

“But our dads and moms are together,” Vanitas insisted. “They get together every week. If they don’t, Xemnas gets mad at them.” 

“Who’s Xemnas?” the captain asked. 

“He’s one of our dads, but he doesn’t like us to call him that. We can call all the others mama or papa or daddy, but he gets mad if we do so we have to just call him Xemnas or Sir,” Sora said. 

“Well so does Uncle Eraqus, but that’s ‘cuz he’s our uncle. He says since he’s not our dad then we hafta call him uncle ‘cuz that’s what he is,” Vanitas explained. 

“But did they get un-married? Cuz my mommy said that divorced is un-married,” the captain said. 

“What’s married?” the twins asked unanimously. 

“It’s what mommys and daddys are, stupid,” the first mate sneered. 

Yesterday, the twins had gotten timeout for hitting a kid. Actually, Sora had kicked the kid. But they’d gotten timeout for it anyway, so they didn’t hit the first mate, even though they wanted to. Instead they threw sand at him. They got timeout anyways. School sucked. 

* * *

“Sir, are you and Daddy Xigbar married?” 

Xigbar had been drinking a glass of water, and he sprayed it across the room before bursting into laughter. The twins found this confusing. Had they said something funny? Was married funny? 

Xemnas glowered at them. Apparently married wasn’t funny. 

“No, we’re not married,” Xigbar told them after he calmed down. 

“Then what about the other dads and moms? Are they married? ‘Cuz the first mate said that moms and dads are s’posed to be married.” Xigbar laughed even more. 

“Alright boys, I’ll tell you about married. When two people really really love each other, they decide they’re gonna be together forever, and if they have kids it’ll be together.” 

“So why aren’t you married?” 

“See all of us dads and your moms, we don’t love each other. We’re friends. And since we’re friends, when Xemnas was asked to take care of you, we all agreed to help him.” 

“So you guys didn’t have us?” 

“No. But that doesn’t matter. You’re still our sons. We’re still your dads and moms.” 

“Is married important?” 

“To some people, yes. It’s very important. You can have kids if you’re not married, but some people think it’s bad. Because married means you promise not to love anyone else but that person you are married to.” 

“So you can’t love anyone but the one you’re married with?” 

“Nope.” 

The twins looked horrified. 

“But if you’re not married, you can love everyone?” 

“Well, the married kind of love is a special love. You can only have that special married love for one person. But you can still love other people too, like your family.” 

This seemed to satisfy the twins. 

“Hey daddy Xigbar?” Sora began. “Can I marry Vanitas then? ‘Cuz out of everyone I love him best of all.” He hugged his brother, who hugged him back and kissed his cheek. 

“That’s… Sora, Vanitas, that’s the family kind of love. You can’t marry your family. It’s bad.” 

“I don’t care! I wanna marry Sora!” Vanitas cried. 

“And I wanna marry Vanitas!” Sora howled. 

As Xemnas looked up from the newspaper he’d been pretending to read, Xigbar could see amusement in his friend’s eyes. Xigbar sighed. Sometimes explaining things to kids could be really hard.


	22. Everything Stays: Age - 5

At the sound of shouting Eraqus began running. When he entered the Big Room he found Terra yelling at Ventus, who sat in the now ruined couch fort Aqua, Terra and he had made earlier, tears forming in his eyes and lower lip quivering. 

“What is going on here?” Eraqus demanded in his sternest voice. 

Both of the boys flinched at his tone and Terra turned to face him, shoulders hunched up. “Ven took my blanket without asking.” He said sullenly. “He could’ve ruined it.” 

In Terra’s hands was the blanket in question, clutched closely against his chest. At the sight of the orange blanket Eraqus felt his anger soften, but he knew better than to let it show. 

“Is this true Ventus?” He asked, keeping his voice strict. 

“I didn’t mean it!” Ven wailed. “I jus’ grabbed it from the pile!” 

Eraqus resisted the urge to sigh, “Then you need to tell Terra you’re sorry for taking his blanket without permission.” He scolded lightly. 

Ven looked at Terra with his watery eyes and said sincerely. “I’m sowry Terra.” 

There was a triumphant look on Terra’s face when he responded with. “I forgive you.” 

As Terra started to walk away, orange blanket now held like a trophy, Eraqus laid a hand on his shoulder. “Just a minute, young man. You’re in time out.” 

“What? Why?!” Terra protested. 

“For yelling at your brother. You must learn to handle things more calmly.” Eraqus explained. 

“Fine.” Terra muttered. 

Eraqus made sure Terra went to sit in the time out spot, giving him his watch and telling him how long he had to stay there. When Terra was in place, Eraqus went back to Ventus and crouched. He let his face become tender and held his arms out welcomingly. “Come here, Ven.” He said gently. 

Ven crawled towards Eraqus, knocking over a few couch cushions that had remained upright and crushing crackers Eraqus had given him as a snack but must have been scattered when Terra took his blanket back. When Ven reached him, he threw his arms around Eraqus’s neck. Eraqus returned the hug, rubbing Ven’s back soothingly as the boy sniffled by his ear. After a few moments Eraqus picked Ven up and sat on one of the cushionless couches. He let Ven settle comfortably in his lap before delicately wiping away his tears with a thumb, then let his hand fall and wrapped his arms around Ventus. They sat there quietly, Eraqus taking advantage of the moment. Ventus was four, almost five, and Eraqus didn’t know for how much longer his youngest would be willing to sit like this. Terra and Aqua certainly thought they were too old to be held. 

Apparently Aqua did not think she was too old for affection though. She had come to see what the commotion was about and had remained standing where she was, nervously shifting her weight back and forth until she uncertainly made her way to the couch. She sat down on the opposite side of Eraqus from where Ven was curled up and leaned her head against her Dad’s shoulder. 

After a while, Ventus asked quietly, “Why was Terra so mad?” 

Eraqus sighed, his breath ruffling Ven’s hair. “That’s because the blanket is really special to him. Your mother knitted it for him.” 

“Oh.” Ven murmured. 

Aqua placed a hand on Ven’s arm, “Don’t think too badly of Terra. I have one too and I’d be pretty upset if it was used without my knowing.” 

Ven nodded then leaned away from Eraqus so he could look him into his eyes. “Do I have a blanket from Mom too?” 

Eraqus shifted uncomfortably. He had imagined many different conversations he could have with Ven about the mother he never got to know, but this wasn’t one of them. 

“No. I’m sorry, but she didn’t get to finish yours before she died.” 

Ven lowered his eyes, “Oh, okay.” There was so much sadness in his voice that Eraqus could feel his heart break. Not for the first time, he wished Hope was still alive. Not just because he wanted his wife back, but so his children could have a mother who would shower them with love. Ven was always a cheerful child, finding wonder in everything. Seeing the sadness he felt about not knowing their mom made Eraqus feel guilty. 

As if sensing his distress, Ven wriggled out of Eraqus’s lap and flashed him a smile. “I’m okay Dad.” He stated. “I’m gonna play with Terra now.” 

Eraqus couldn’t help smiling as Ventus walked off; he may never have met Hope, but Ventus certainly had her strength. 

With a small groan Eraqus stood up and stretched. He needed to finish organizing some of the files in his office. Before he could get too far though, Aqua stopped him by grabbing on to his shirt. 

Eraqus glanced down at her, “Yes Aqua?” 

“I want to learn how to knit.” She said with determination. 

“You do?” Eraqus responded with surprise. 

Aqua nodded with all the seriousness a ten-year-old could muster. “I do. I want to finish the blanket Mom was making for Ven.” 

Without a thought, Eraqus bent down and gave Aqua a hug, who hugged him fiercely back. 

“Let’s get you started then.” Eraqus said as he pulled away. He led Aqua up to his bedroom where he kept things of Hope’s that he couldn’t bear to throw away. He was fairly certain that her knitting stuff was there. Most of Hope’s stuff was in boxes in his closet and Eraqus had to pull out several until he found one labeled ‘crafts.’ This box Eraqus placed on the bed and took off the cover. Inside was a scrapbook with only a few pages filled from when Hope had taken the hobby up but had then quickly dropped it, there were also beads and string for making bracelets, necklaces, and other accessories. Next to those was a partially completed green blanket. Eraqus pulled this out carefully- along with the yarn associated with it so the blanket wouldn’t unravel- and set them aside. Underneath were more skeins of yarn and several needles for knitting. These were also taken out along with a small book with simple knitting instructions. 

Grabbing the book, Eraqus settled on to the bed with Aqua next to him and opened it to the first page. Looking at the instructions Eraqus felt his spirits start to flag. He had trouble understanding the instructions and the pictures didn’t help as much as he would’ve liked. That wasn’t going to stop him though, he would get this blanket made if he ended up doing it himself. So he told Aqua to pick a color and they started on making a scarf, which he figured would be the easiest to make. There were several tries, but they managed to figure out how to stitch the first row. Starting the second row was less of a trial and once Aqua had several rows done, Eraqus left her to her own devices. 

However, just as he was about to leave, Aqua called out causing him to look back. “Dad? Can we keep the reason I’m doing this a secret from Ven?” She asked. 

Eraqus smiled. “Of course Aqua.” 

* * *

A couple weeks passed before Aqua finished the scarf. The item in question was purple and thoroughly uneven. Some of the stitches were tightly pulled together while others were loose, there was even a spot that Aqua could stick a finger through. She gave it to Eraqus and he wore it with pride, it was on the short side so he had trouble wrapping the scarf around his neck but while it did little for his body temperature the thought of it kept his heart warm. 

By the time Aqua finished her first project Eraqus had managed to find her a teacher, several teachers actually. He had asked around and had ended up dropping her off at a nursing home for a half hour on Saturdays when the ladies there met for a knitting group. They weren’t the only ones to give her help, Terra had been told why Aqua took up knitting and became her official helper. When Aqua started new projects Terra was the one who decided the colors and untangled the yarn whenever it got snarls and rolled it up again. 

After many months of everyone Aqua knew receiving a scarf or a pot-holder or some other knitted gift, Aqua decided she was ready to tackle Ven’s blanket. Unfortunately Aqua received conflicting advice on what kind of stitch was used on the completed third of the blanket and the one she chose looked slightly different, but she stuck with the stitch, not wanting to let it get in the way of completing the blanket. To keep it in utmost secrecy Aqua began knitting in her room so as not to be seen by Ven. The blanket took awhile to make as it was fairly large for a knitting project. Aqua would frequently compare Ven’s to her own blue one to make sure the size was right. This would often give her the feeling of despair as she compared her own uneven rows to the precise work of her mother’s. Terra seemed to have a second sense for when this happened as he would appear and give her support and compliment her on how much she had gotten done. With his encouragement Aqua would become more determined than ever to not give up. 

Aqua finally finished the blanket shortly before Ven’s fifth birthday. The weekend before his birthday Ventus had a slumber party bash with friends so on the actual date they celebrated with presents and leftover cake at dinner instead of the usual day of extravagance. Eraqus’s gift was a lego set and clothes while Terra’s was a Transformer toy. With both presents Ven ripped into the wrapping paper with delight. 

For the last present Eraqus told Ventus he had to read the note before he could open it. With the slip of paper in his hands, Ven read aloud, “With Love. From Aqua, Terra, Dad and Mom.” His brow creased in confusion as he looked up at Eraqus. “From Mom too?” 

Eraqus nodded. “Indeed. She played a major part in this gift.” 

Ven focused on the present again, his confusion slowing down his enthusiasm for tearing the wrapping paper. When he opened the box Ven pulled out several pieces of tissue paper and his face completely lit up in joy as he saw what was inside. 

“It’s a blanket.” He said in wonder as he pulled it out. “Knitted just for me.” 

Eraqus smiled as Ven wrapped the blanket around his shoulders. “Aqua finished what your mother started, with some help from Terra.” 

Ven got out of his chair and went around the table to Aqua and gave her a hug. “Thanks Aqua.” He then repeated the process with Terra and Eraqus. “Thanks Terra, Thanks Dad. I love it.” 

Afterwards, when the mess had been cleaned, Ventus grabbed onto Eraqus’s hand. “Dad? Can we visit Mom so I can thank her too?” 

Eraqus felt touched and it took him a moment before he found his words. “Of course we can. We can go right now if you would like?” 

“I would.” Ven nodded. 

Once he had rounded up all his children into the car they set off for the cemetery where Hope was buried, stopping to get flowers on the way. They usually visited Hope’s grave a few times a year so when they parked Terra, Aqua, and Ven hopped out and started on their way without waiting for Eraqus, chatting easily. Eraqus followed behind them more slowly. Visiting Hope was difficult for him and he would use the extra time to prepare himself against the pain and sadness. 

When Eraqus had caught up the three of his children were kneeling at Hope’s gravestone, hands clasped in prayer. Hope had loosely followed the Christian faith and that influence showed in moments like these through Aqua and Terra, who had passed on the traditions to Ven. Eraqus followed no particular faith and so remained standing, though couldn’t stop himself from sending out a few wishes and hopes of his own. 

Eventually the silence was broken by Aqua placing the small pot of flowers in front of the grave and the three of the children began talking, updating their mother on what had happened since they visited last. After a few times of them turning around and demanding Eraqus explain something better, he kneeled beside his children and joined them in the conversation. 

After the three children were satisfied they had said everything that needed saying they stood up and said their good-byes. On the way back Terra and Aqua walked ahead of Eraqus while Ven stayed behind and held his hand. 

“Hey Dad?” Ven questioned. 

“Yes Ventus?” 

Ven leaned into Eraqus, a small smile on his face. “I think Mom’s real happy for us, wherever she is. And that she loves us very much.” 

Eraqus squeezed Ven’s hand tighter. “I think so too Ventus. I think so too.”


	23. A Difficult Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to seven years before the twins' arrival, when Eraqus was falling in looove.

As the waitress came over to take his order, Eraqus took a deep breath. He glanced at the menu one last time, wondering if he was really sure about this. He was. 

“What can I get for you?” the waitress asked. 

“Uh, yes. I’ll have an Americano with an apple tart please.” 

“The usual, huh?” she asked with a smile. Eraqus nodded. The waitress went to make the coffee and grab the tart from the glass case at the front of the shop, and brought it back to him. She glanced around, noting the different customers, then sat down. The shop was never busy around this time, which was one of the reasons Eraqus liked to come here after work. Some people went to bars, Eraqus went to get coffee. 

“So, how’s work been?” the waitress asked. Eraqus shrugged. 

“It’s been the usual. I still get mostly grunt work, which is typical for a new employee at such a big firm. It’s dull but at least it’s a job.” 

“You got that right. Honestly if I didn’t get customers like you every now and then I think I’d probably go on a rampage and smash every mug we own or something. I know it could be worse, but sitting around pouring coffee all day long gets a little old. And people get so finicky sometimes. Like I had this lady yesterday who accused me of putting cream in her coffee when I poured the coffee from the pot into her empty mug right in front of her! I mean, really! I think it’s because her husband smiled at me. She seemed like the overly clingy type. Oh, sorry. You probably don’t want to listen to me complain.” 

“No, it’s fine. I don’t mind. And if it was jealousy, I wouldn’t be surprised. If I were a woman I’d definitely be keeping a firm grip on my husband around someone with such a nice smile as you.” 

“Are you flirting with me?” she asked, laughing. Eraqus blushed. 

“Well, I’m trying to. Actually, Hope, I’m trying to ask you out but-” 

“But I guess they don’t teach you much about dating in law school.” 

“No, or rather, I was too busy studying, some of the other guys would, but I-” 

“I’m teasing you.” 

“Sorry. I’m just a little flustered. Talking to you does that to me.” 

“Wow, sounds like your crush on me is terminal.” 

“Sorry. If it’s a bother then I can-” 

“Hey, who said it’s a bother? Did you miss the part where you’re the main reason I can keep this job? My last couple of jobs I got fired for sass-mouthing people. I’ve been trying a lot harder because I like talking to you. And also the pay is good but, uh…” Hope trailed off, also blushing. She glanced up and said suddenly. “Oh look, Patrice at table 3 needs a refill.” She jumped to her feet and took a step, then turned back. 

“So, um, about that date. When were you thinking?” 

“Well, um, you said you have off on Saturdays, so I was thinking dinner?” 

“Sounds great. What time?” 

“6:30?” 

“6:30. Saturday. Sounds great,” Hope repeated, then scurried off, fanning herself slightly as she went to do her job. 

* * *

Saturday evening Eraqus was almost ready to go. Since asking Hope out, he’d changed his mind about where he should take her and what he should wear about a dozen times a day, but finally he’d decided on a chain restaurant. It was nicer than fast food, but not too swanky, which would hopefully convey that he had some class but was also aware enough of his finances to know what he could and couldn’t afford, and also that he was considerate enough of Hope’s feelings that he wouldn’t throw her into a place that was intimidatingly fancy on the first date. As for clothes, he went with a dress shirt, tie, and slacks, since simplicity worked best. He’d thought about wearing a kimono his mother had sent him since she and his father had moved back to Japan, but he decided against it because he didn’t want people to look down on him for being Japanese, and it might embarrass Hope to be seen with him. 

Eraqus straightened his tie for what seemed like the thousandth time- it kept going crooked, no matter what he did- and checked his watch. Time to go. He grabbed his car keys and was just reaching for the door when someone knocked. 

Eraqus opened the door and peered at the man standing there. He had long-ish hair that was slicked back and a small scar on his cheek. Eraqus had never seen him before, but somehow this man seemed to spell trouble. Eraqus wondered if he should slam the door and run and grab the bokken from the closet. 

“Can I help you?” he asked politely, trying not to look like he was planning on slamming the door. 

Just as Eraqus had been sizing the stranger up, the stranger had been doing the same to him. 

“You Eraqus?” the stranger asked. 

“Sorry, no,” Eraqus lied. He felt a pang of guilt, but it seemed safer in this situation. The man glanced at the number on Eraqus’s front door, then at a paper in his hand. 

“D’you know where I can find the man?” he asked. “It’s urgent.” 

“Er, perhaps I could take a message for him,” Eraqus said, then cursed himself inwardly. This was not the time to be helpful. This was the time to lie through his teeth and pretend that he was someone different who had just moved in and knew nothing of any former residents. 

“Yeah, fine. Tell him Xemnas needs a favor.” The man turned to go. 

“Wait!” The word was out of Eraqus’s mouth before he could stop himself. He had spent many long years trying to convince himself that he didn’t give a damn about Xemnas, but in the end their shared childhood still came back to him. If Xemnas was in trouble- and at this point the only way he’d ask a favor of Eraqus was if he was- then Eraqus could hardly turn him away. 

“Changed your mind about who you are?” the man asked as he turned back around. There was a certain glint in his eye that indicated that he had known fully well who Eraqus was, and Eraqus tried not to blush. 

“Er, sorry.” 

“No problem, no problem,” the man said, flapping a hand. “It’s just that you happen to look like the old man, plus I’ve seen pictures before. Anyways, as I said, it’s urgent, so if you come with me I’ll explain on the way.” 

Eraqus sighed. “Alright, can I just make a quick phone call? I have a previous engagement to cancel.” 

* * *

Hope was trying not to hum when her phone rang. She picked it up, giving a little twirl as she did, even though it meant getting tangled in the cord. She was just in that good a mood. A date with a guy she really liked was certainly a good way to lift her spirits. 

“Hello, Hope speaking,” she sing-songed into the phone. 

“Hello, Hope? It’s Eraqus.” 

“Eraqus, hey!” Hope said. And then something in her brain clicked. Eraqus was supposed to be picking her up for their date in fifteen minutes. Why would he be calling her? Was it only Friday? If so, she was in big trouble for missing her shift. Or maybe she’d gotten the time wrong? 

“I’m really sorry, but it looks like I’m going to have to cancel our arrangement tonight. Something’s come up.” He’d just called it an “arrangement” rather than a “date”. Was that a bad sign? Was he dumping her before they’d even had a date? It was her temper, wasn’t it? It was always her temper. Somehow he’d found out, and he didn’t want to date someone who was so cranky. Hope blinked back tears that would ruin her makeup. It just wasn’t fair, how she thought she’d finally found Mr. Right, only for him to stomp her back into the ground. 

“Oh. I-I see.” 

“I’m so sorry. I know this is last minute. I’ll make it up to you next time, I promise.” 

“Next time?” 

“Er, that is, unless you would rather not.” 

“No! No! I would love to! I just- Sorry, I kinda thought you were dumping me.” 

“Why would I do something as stupid as that? I-” Hope could hear another man’s voice in the background, and then a rush of air through the receiver as Eraqus sighed. “Look, I’m sorry, but I really have to go. I’ll see you on Monday?” 

“Sure, Monday.” 

As Hope untangled herself from the phone cord she tried to sort out her emotions. She was disappointed that they wouldn’t be having their date. But at the same time, he’d promised there’d be another, and she’d see him on Monday at the coffee shop like usual. It would be okay. 

* * *

According to Xigbar, the guy who had come to get him, Xemnas had been framed for a shooting. Eraqus knew enough of his nephew’s dealings to know that his nephew ran a gang and most likely did indeed shoot people, but Xigbar had assured him that if Xemnas had been the shooter, he’d never have gotten caught. This did nothing to ease Eraqus’s mind. 

So now Xemnas was sitting in an interrogation room waiting on the arrival of his lawyer. Which was apparently Eraqus. Eraqus was indeed a lawyer, but this would be his first time actually representing someone, and it just didn’t seem possible given the person he was representing and the bad relationship between them. 

“You do realize that the last time my nephew and I talked he told me in no uncertain terms that he hated me and wanted nothing more to do with me?” Eraqus asked Xigbar as they stood outside the interrogation room. 

“Water under the bridge,” Xigbar replied. “You two are family. Besides, in our business, we work with people we hate and want nothing to do with all the time. Friends and enemies look pretty similar to us.” 

“Well I’m not in your business,” Eraqus said, indicating with his tone what he thought of their “business”. 

“You’re a lawyer. Lawyers try to get criminals off the hook for crimes they definitely are guilty of. Yours isn’t exactly the most ethical profession either,” Xigbar said with an acidic smile. He opened the door and made a flourish indicating Eraqus should enter. Eraqus did, grabbing the door and slamming it behind him. 

* * *

Monday after work, Eraqus had his head down on the table. It had been a long weekend, and today was just as long. Xemnas’s thugs had produced evidence that Xemnas had been elsewhere, so Xemnas had gotten off, but only after hours of sitting in the interrogation room. Eraqus had been happy to leave it at that, but then Sunday afternoon someone had shown up at his door to thank him for his efforts and to inform him that the Yakuza 13- Xemnas’s gang- looked forward to working with him more in the future. Apparently they’d decided to make him their lawyer. Then, that morning Eraqus had gone into work to find out that his involvement in Xemnas’s weekend affairs was causing his bosses to have a field day, and it had taken so long to resolve things that he had ended up missing his lunch break. 

A plate clanked against the table and Eraqus raised his head to find a plate with a small sandwich on it, as well as one of his favorite apple tarts and a chocolate eclair. 

“You looked like you could use some comfort food as well as your usual, and I could hear your stomach growling from across the street so I threw in the sandwich as well,” Hope said with a smile. She was sitting across from him, and behind the grin there was a slight uncertainty in her eyes. Probably because he’d stood her up on Saturday. 

“Your perception is amazing. Yes, I am pretty hungry, and I did have a rotten day. Thank you so much.” 

“You okay?” Hope asked, her uncertainty disappearing behind concern. 

“Not really. The emergency from Saturday night has been following me.” He didn’t mention that he meant it literally, as even now one of Xemnas’s goons was skulking across the street from the shop. 

“What happened?” 

“Well… It’s complicated. Sort of a family matter and sort of a job matter and sort of neither.” 

“How so?” 

“I’ve got this nephew who’s… troubled. Or troublesome. Both, maybe.” 

“So you had to go help him?” 

Eraqus nodded. 

“And now you’re worried about him?” 

“Hah. More like worried because of him than about him.” 

“That’s an awful thing to say! He’s your nephew isn’t he? You should still care about him, because you might regret it later on. I mean, I took my dad’s side when my parents divorced and we never even talked about my mom after that, but now I wish we had because my little brother stayed with her and since then I found out that my mom is dead and no one wanted Roxas and now I have no clue where he is all because I couldn’t be bothered to care about my family! And-” the were tears in Hope’s eyes as she cut herself off and took a deep, shuddering breath. 

“I’m sorry. About your brother that is. As I said, things are a bit complicated with Xemnas.” 

Hope sniffled, then frowned. 

“Xemnas… That sounds famili-” Hope gasped. “Wait. Isn’t that-” 

“The head of the Yakuza 13? Yes. As I said, my nephew is troubled and troublesome.” 

“But isn’t he around your age?” Hope asked. “Or maybe not. I don’t know. I just kind of assumed…” 

“He is. He’s only two years younger. His father, my half-brother, is almost 20 years older than me. And I hate to sound like a broken record, but it’s complicated.” 

“So ask me on another date and you can explain as we go.” 

“When and where?” 

* * *

Eraqus was almost to Hope’s door to pick her up for the second attempt at a first date when the door burst open and Hope spilled out. She was wearing her work uniform, and Eraqus’s heart sank. Sure, she looked good in it, but somehow he doubted she had nothing else to wear to their date. 

“Eraqus! Perfect timing. Sorry, but I have to cancel our date and I need a ride to the shop.” 

“Of course,” Eraqus said, offering his arm to her in a gesture that made her eyes soften. “Is everything alright?” 

“No, not really. Janice has the flu and Claire is out of town and they couldn’t get ahold of Steven so they called me. I told them I had a date but they really need someone to come in and I’m the only one available, plus they’re offering to give me overtime pay for it and I might be able to hire a PI to find my brother if I take it so…” 

“Understood. If you want I could help you with trying to find your brother. There may be documents regarding his whereabouts that I could find.” 

“Would you? That’d be great.” 

“Why not? Anyways, let’s go.” 

“Yeah. Once again, I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay. We’ll get it right next time.” 

* * *

Only next time Hope caught the flu from her coworker Janice, and then Eraqus had to work overtime to help with a big case at his firm, and then his car broke down, and then Hope went out of town pursuing a lead on her brother which proved to be false. It was already nearly two months since Eraqus had first asked Hope out, and they still had yet to have an actual date. 

“I’m beginning to think the universe has it out for us,” Eraqus sighed as Hope set down the coffee he’d ordered. 

“Yeah. No kidding. It’s getting really old,” Hope growled. She’d been getting more and more irritable lately, what with all the cancelled dates and the trip to find a kid who wasn’t her brother. 

“What do you say to one last try?” Eraqus asked. “If it doesn’t work out this time then maybe it isn’t meant to be.” 

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Hope said, rolling her eyes. 

“Friday night, pick you up at 5:30?” 

Hope sighed but nodded. 

“Hope, can you help me sort out these beans?” someone called from back the hall. Hope sighed again and walked off. Eraqus also sighed, wondering if maybe it was already too late. 

* * *

“This can’t be happening,” Eraqus muttered, staring at the ruin in front of them. The restaurant he’d made a reservation at was up in flames, and at this time on a Friday night it would be difficult to get in anywhere else. 

Hope burst out laughing in the seat next to him, making him jump. 

“Wow, we really do have the worst luck, don’t we?” 

“Yes. Should I take you home then?” 

“No way! I did not get all dressed up and come out only to go back home after doing nothing! We’re going to the park. There’s a pretzel vendor there who makes soft pretzels so good they make angels weep tears of joy. Then we will go for a walk, or sit by the fountain, or- or SOMETHING, but we will have this date because I like you too much to just give up!” 

Eraqus smiled. 

“I’m glad to hear that you like me too. But what happens if the park is closed?” 

“Then we’ll go to a movie!” 

“And if the film is broken?” 

“Then we’ll go back to my place and you can see my crappy apartment and I will make you a crappy TV dinner and it will be awful but at least we’ll have finally had a first date and at least if it’s a bad first date things can only improve! Now drive!” 

The park wasn’t closed. The vendor was there, and the pretzels were just as good as Hope said they were. Afterwards, they went to Eraqus’s apartment rather than Hope’s, and talked for so long that it was morning before Eraqus drove her home. It felt so natural talking to each other, and they had much to tell. Eraqus had his family circumstances to explain, and Hope had hers, and then they discussed their interests and hobbies, and it was by no means a great first date, but at the same time it was because at the end they both were glad it had happened. The second date would go better. And the third and fourth, and all the subsequent dates until they were sure they wanted to spend their lives together. 

Sometimes Eraqus wondered if maybe he and Hope might not have worked out so well as a couple if dating each other had been simple from the start. Would he have been able to open up to her about his family, and she about hers, had circumstances not demanded they do so? And if they had kept quiet about such matters, might it not have been hurtful later on down the road? Besides, their family circumstances were part of what drew them together- Eraqus was willing to help Hope search for Roxas, and Hope helped Eraqus to see the good in Xemnas again. Furthermore, by having difficulties at the beginning, any later problems seemed to pale in comparison, because if they could handle several cancelled dates in a row, surely they could handle such trivial matters as arguments over the laundry or both of them being too tired to cook if they’d worked that day. 

Maybe they had almost been a disaster. Maybe they weren’t exactly soul mates or destined to fall in love or anything like that. But in the end, they’d been good for each other. They’d each found something they wanted that made any downsides worth it. Love found its way, as it is wont to do. And because they fell in love, every moment spent together would become a precious memory.


	24. Custody Perils: Age - 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter includes a behind-the-scenes custody battle.

Xemnas was pale as he called the meeting to order. It made everyone there nervous. It was already concerning that he’d called an immediate emergency meeting, even insisting that the leaders abandon their duties. Demyx was likely to lose a deal because of it, a certain con artist who owed them money that Roxas had finally tracked down might well get away without paying them back, which had Xaldin very unhappy, and Xion, who had also been summoned, had to skip a tournament that some of her students were participating in. But Xemnas was adamant that this could not wait. Xemnas only demanded this when things were very bad. The only times full-scale emergency meetings with all leaders present like this had been held were when the twins got kidnapped and once back in the day when one of the old leaders had tried to abscond with the blueprints to their headquarters. So tensions were already high because Xemnas had called this meeting, and seeing him visibly shaken by something- which was a first time occurrence for all except Xigbar- had more than one soul in the room on the verge of panic. Vexen found himself reaching for the paper bags he had in his medical kit. 

Everyone was already present, and yet Xemnas had not yet spoken. They sat in silence as time ticked by- first five minutes, then ten, and now it was going on twenty. Everyone was fidgeting, and more than a few of the members were aiming pointed looks at Xigbar, indicating that he should catch Xemnas’s attention. After all, if Xemnas was in some kind of reverie, interrupting could be dangerous. It was best left to the man who had been part of the game all along. If anyone could get away with it, he could. 

But for the same reason everyone trusted Xigbar to speak up, Xigbar knew he shouldn’t. Xemnas had a hard time with emotions; he needed to think quite a bit to know when he was feeling things most of the time, and on the rare occasions when emotions made themselves known to him without such thought, it took him a while to figure out how to deal with it. He needed time right now to process things. Interrupting his thoughts wouldn’t help anything. Besides, he seemed to be waiting on something. 

At thirty-five minutes, Eraqus walked in. He took in the scene before him and made his way to the end of the table where the extra chairs were. Xemnas didn’t react, but Xigbar figured they’d waited long enough. Xemnas could figure out how to cope after he’d clued the rest of them in on things. Xigbar cleared his throat, and Xemnas looked up, surprised. 

“Oh, you’re here,” he said vaguely to Eraqus. 

“Sorry it took so long. Kala was running errands so I had to wait for her to get back before I could leave the kids.” 

“You left Sora and Vanitas alone?!” Xemnas exploded, then caught himself. “Ah, sorry. You meant your brood of adolescents. My mistake.” 

“Uh, Xemnas, Sir, you feeling alri-” Demyx began, but was cut off when Marluxia dove to cover his mouth. Somehow, it didn’t seem to Marluxia or indeed any of the others that it was a good time to be asking Xemnas about his wellbeing. 

“I um, I… I got a call today,” Xemnas began. “From my… from…” 

“From Xehanort?” Eraqus said helpfully. Xemnas nodded, and a collective gasp passed through the thirteen. It made sense that Xemnas was upset. Sure, he didn’t usually get so upset when his father called, but he certainly didn’t like it any more than they did. The fear most people felt towards the Yakuza 13, the Yakuza 13 felt towards Xehanort. Many people called the thirteen demons. But as Luxord had once been heard to say, if they were demons, then Xehanort was Satan himself. 

“What did he want?” Xigbar asked. If the idiom “sweating bullets” was literal, he wouldn’t have needed to buy ammo for the next year because at the moment he was sweating enough to create a supply for the entire organization. 

“He wanted… he wanted them back. The twins. Our boys.” 

* * *

Xehanort was quite satisfied with himself. He usually was, but today was a particularly good day. His plans were finally coming to fruition. He’d tried so many times to mold a successor, but things never seemed to work out quite right. First he’d thought of letting his son succeed him. That was what people did, right? They passed their businesses on to their sons? But Xemnas, although he was many things, he was not the right man. Even after Xehanort had carefully broken Xemnas, there were still too many weaknesses. Xemnas could be merciless, but he only did it as a sort of Karmic vengeance. He was useful, but as a pawn only. Perhaps a bishop or rook. But Xehanort needed a stronger piece as his successor. So Xehanort had discarded Xemnas, setting him up with the beginnings of a gang. It had been somewhat amusing to watch as his son was stupid enough to get stabbed in the back, but then Xemnas made a recovery. Admirable, but further evidence that Xemnas was no good. 

There had been another who had seemed good. A boy named Sephiroth. Xehanort had ties with many gangs, including one known as the Finals. Xehanort had been there the day a preteen Sephiroth had walked into the gang’s base and announced that he wanted to join. The gang had an initiation ritual of being injured so they would have a scar- a test of their courage and pain tolerance as well as a sign of membership. Sephiroth had initiated himself by stabbing himself in the hand, going straight through the palm. His psychotic tendencies had quickly earned him Xehanort’s favor, but that was exactly why he was no good: he became obsessive, constantly trying to earn Xehanort’s approval. He did not think for himself, and that was not what Xehanort needed. Not only that, but Sephiroth proved to be reckless, taking dangerous moves that had unacceptably high consequences. Fortune may favor the bold, but it does run out eventually. Xehanort would be dead by now if he didn’t rely on shrewd planning. And Sephiroth’s time would likely come sooner rather than later since he was unable to learn to do the same. 

It had finally dawned on Xehanort what the problem was. He had waited too long to mold the boys. Sephiroth had still been fairly young and impressionable when he came to Xehanort, but his life had already broken him. Xehanort had to do the breaking himself for things to work in his favor. He needed to raise his successor. 

Thus Xehanort had found a pregnant mother and made an arrangement with her that he would keep her baby. She had then produced twins, which was more than Xehanort could have hoped for. Should something go wrong he had a spare, and he could also use them against each other. 

However, Xehanort had neither the time nor the patience for babies. So he’d gone to his pawn of a son and asked him to raise them. Thanks to Xehanort, Xemnas did not feel, so he would not grow attached to the boys. The boys would grow up with only each other for love, making them easy to manipulate when Xehanort took them back. 

It had been a slight miscalculation, as Xemnas’s minions had decided to take part in raising the twins as well. Still, it was an acceptable miscalculation. They could not refute Xemnas, and Xemnas could not refute his father, so when Xehanort asked for the twins back, they would still be his. Furthermore, it even worked out to his advantage, since taking the twins away from their beloved array of parents would be quite painful for them, and Xehanort did so love causing pain. He could make people do anything when they were in pain. 

The twins should be a good age by now. He’d called his son. Those boys would soon be home. Their real home, not where their fragile little hearts were. 

* * *

There was chaos in the meeting room, and it wasn’t because Xemnas had referred to the twins as “our boys” rather than “those boys”. Vexen’s paper bags were all in use, and many nervous ticks were showing. Xigbar was running his hands over a crossbow, and Larxene was twirling a knife. Demyx had stretched a rubber band between the thumb and forefinger of one hand and was picking a tune on it with the forefinger of his opposite hand. Luxord had his rosary out and was praying along with Lexaeus. Only Eraqus remained calm. 

“I see. Has he given you a deadline?” 

The room went still and silent, save for the heaving breaths that inflated and deflated the paper bags. 

“N-no. He hasn’t.” 

“But he will. So before then, we need to come up with a plan. Saix, you’re in charge of paperwork, correct?” 

Saix nodded from behind the paper bag he had in front of his mouth. 

“Alright. There’s some things you may have documentation of that should help us in court.” 

* * *

Sora and Vanitas were a bit confused as to the flurry of activity that surrounded their parents all of a sudden. At a mere five years old, they didn’t understand why Daddy-o suddenly didn’t sing to them anymore, or why Father had burned the last six batches of cookies he’d made, or why Pop didn’t give them horsey rides. They found it odd when Papa Roxas stopped reading them stories and Mama Xion didn’t want to watch Magic Rangers with them. And Mar hadn’t pruned the rosebushes and Dad hadn’t given them a word of the week and Lady hadn’t even scolded Sora for farting the other day. They also found Padre praying, even though he’d told them he didn’t believe in God, and Pappy forgot his promise to fly kites with them, and Doc had completely forgotten to pick them up from school, which wasn’t all that unusual, but in the end they had stayed there until dark, and it was Mr. Genie from next door who picked them up because all their parents were too busy. And Ma and Daddy Xigbar and Xemnas, well they were nowhere to be found. It was rather lonely for Sora and Vanitas. 

The boys tried to deal with their loneliness as best they could. They spent a lot of time with Mr. Genie, and also Mr. Maurice and Simba from down the road. Simba’s mom, Mrs. Sarabi, even started having them stay for dinner. 

When they saw their cousins the next weekend, they found that Uncle Eraqus was busy too, and that their cousins had been staying with Mrs. Kala and Mr. Kerchak a lot. But for the cousins, this was more normal. When they asked about it, Terra and Aqua just told them that Uncle Eraqus was probably working on a big case, and that their dad was busy a lot so it wasn’t anything to worry about. And while Sora and Vanitas knew the words of their cousins to be true, they still found themselves uneasy. They may not have been capable of understanding everything, but they were sharp enough to sense that something was terribly wrong. 

* * *

Panic was turning out to be a good motivator for the parents. It kept them from complaining. So if Xigbar was miserable staking out the school where the twins attended kindergarten to make sure Xehanort didn’t surprise pick them up and vanish with them, his misery wasn’t as important as what his eyes might notice. And if Lexaeus was exhausted trying to organize extra security details, he could get by on just another cup of coffee rather than sleep if it meant keeping the boys out of the hands of Xemnas’s father. If Saix’s eyes were aching from the sea of papers he was sorting through- he had to dig through Vexen’s files as well as his own, and while Vexen claimed he had a system, it was completely irrational- he hardly noticed because he must find the documents they needed. Everyone was doing something that under normal circumstances would have pushed their limits, but in this time of duress, their limits didn’t matter. They would protect their boys. 

In particular, it had surprised everyone when Larxene didn’t protest her assignment. Nor had she made any demands for favors in return. She had simply agreed to do it. Because really, she had already been thinking about it, even before it was asked of her. 

The fact of the matter was that they suspected that Xehanort’s adoption of the twins hadn’t been an official matter. It was Xehanort after all. So Larxene was to break into his residence and look for any papers that might prove it. At the same time, Zexion would be hacking in to look for any digital evidence, and Demyx would see if he could bribe his friends at Xehanort’s bank for any information. None of them really expected to find anything, even if adoption papers existed, but they still had to try. 

Meanwhile, Axel was busy keeping tabs on Xehanort’s movements. All this activity left it to Xaldin, Luxord, and Marluxia to keep the gang functioning, at least to such an extent that no one would see them as being weak and try to hit them while they’re down, and Roxas and Xion to try and retain some semblance of normalcy in the twins’ lives. Unfortunately, they could hardly do that when suddenly they were always at the twins’ home in case the other parents had to leave suddenly or couldn’t make it at all, or when they were getting updates from the various sentries on the street every ten minutes, or when they were both so paranoid from stress that they jumped at every noise. More than once they had to pass off shoving the twins in the closet due to a false alarms as games of hide-and-go-seek, and at one point some banging in Maurice’s garage caused Xion to tackle the boys in an attempt to cover them, and she had to pretend she just wanted to wrestle with them. 

Every moment felt perilous, like it might be the moment Xehanort showed up and destroyed the family they’d become. And yet even as the Yakuza 13 spent sleepless nights and anxiety-filled days preparing for the worst, Xehanort seemed to have forgotten his demand. He went about his business as usual, seeming not to care about the twins at all. It was as if he had merely meant to cause a panic, which was certainly not beneath him. But all the same, the fourteen parents and Eraqus knew that they couldn’t let their guard down until they finished following through with their plans to counter him. If only they’d had the foresight to get down to this sooner… 

* * *

Xehanort hadn’t been surprised to see the flurry of activity that had ensued following his demand, though it certainly did annoy him. But he was a patient man, when circumstances necessitated it. He could wait. And when they thought they were safe, that was when he’d move. 

About a month after the phone call to his son, Xehanort was ready. Time to go see them in person. He had a decision to make: to go to the house where his soon-to-be proteges lived, or to head to his son’s “fortress” and meet him at his office there. The house would be an easier target, and the twins were most likely there. But if he went to his son’s territory, he’d get the pleasure of proving their little security measures fruitless, and watch his son cave in and proffer the twins to his father as he faced his own powerlessness. If Eraqus was also present, then that would be twice the satisfaction. And there was the added bonus of the betrayal the twins would feel at having their parents hand them over as if they weren’t really wanted. 

In the end, ease of access triumphed, and Xehanort decided to go to the house where the twins lived. He could break them regardless of whether or not they believed their parents still loved them. They were only children after all. He couldn’t remember their exact age, but what did it matter? They were young and impressionable and he could make them into whatever he wanted. And he would. 

He chose to show up in the early evening, late enough that the boys would no longer be at school but still early enough that if any of the other hooligans showed up to share the evening meal he would be gone before then. As Xehanort drove down their street, he could see telltale signs of watchers: curtains at just the right angle, blinds bent a certain way, and at one house, a particularly poorly trained individual’s head could be seen peeping over the crest of the roof. Amateurs. And people actually feared this gang. He had ties with several other gangs, who would jump into action with a single word from him, and he was certain they all could do better. Just in case, he made a mental note to make sure the leaders of his gangs were training their people properly. Just because they were expendable didn’t mean they should be sloppy. 

As he got out of the car, the house was completely still. If he was capable of pity, he might have felt sorry for the Yakuza 13 and his twins, unsuspecting as they were of how their lives were about to be turned on end. Instead, he relished the idea of the shock on their faces when they answered the doorbell and he was there. 

He would have to stick with relishing the idea though, as Eraqus answered the door and ushered him into the living room, where he found all thirteen leaders of the Yakuza 13 and their “ace”, the secret fourteenth head who trained the members in martial arts, Xion. Perhaps the surveillance based on this street wasn’t anything to judge them by, as he’d had no inclination that they’d noticed his coming before he’d gotten to the neighborhood. 

“Well played,” he said. It was a rare compliment, yet none of the fifteen people in the room responded. They all watched him with expressions that ranged from blank to suspicious to downright loathing. For the first time in years, Xehanort felt a small twinge of what might have been alarm. Still, he had years of experience on these people. Some were little more than children themselves, having not even been born until after he became a known force to reckon with. And he was doing quite well for 58. He wouldn’t go down easily. Not to mention that with the amount of people they had, their larger numbers would actually be a disadvantage. No, he had no reason to be worried. The Yakuza 13 couldn’t take him out, not here and now. 

“So, is there a reason for this little gathering? Perhaps to drink some sherry or have a dance party?” 

“We have a restraining order,” Eraqus said, and handed over a manilla folder. “You cannot legally touch them.” 

“A restraining order against their guardian? Tut tut.” 

“Technically you’re guardianship of them was kidnapping, as their mother had sole parental rights still.” 

“So I’ll just ask her to- wait a minute. Had?” 

“After I contacted her she signed over parental rights, and we were able to apply for adoption. The twins have new parents now. Fourteen of them, in fact.” 

“Alright, well what makes you think that this will prevent me from simply taking them anyways?” 

“Because we’ve been making deals. Nova Shadow, Grim Reaper, Trinity Armor, Phantom. They’ve all entered into our little pact to stand against you,” Xemnas said. 

“Um, boss, you forgot Illuminator,” Demyx said. Xemnas waved a hand at him in irritation. 

“They will never last,” Xehanort said, trying to sound offhand about it. But he was sweating. Just a little. 

“Perhaps not, but by the time your gangs get through them, they’ll be greatly weakened. And they have other enemies who would jump at the chance to pick them off. We can withstand this war. But you will not.” Xemnas actually had the nerve to smirk at him. Xehanort wanted to slap that smirk off his son’s face, but he resisted the urge. He would concede this round’s loss, but he’d make his comeback. He always did. Xehanort turned on his heel and swept out of the house. 

_Just you wait_ , he thought. _The boot will be on the other foot soon enough, and then you shall all regret ever crossing me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are worried because this is the last chapter, fear not! for this is not the end. As you may have noticed, this is the first work in a series, and we will be continuing next week in part 2, to be titled "Children of the Gang" (yeah, we know we suck at titles) which will follow the twins and their parents through the next stage of their lives.


End file.
